This is a situation where people actually view a first birthday party completely differently and that's where the disagreements and misunderstandings are stemming from.
Op: you see a first birthday party as a quiet event with just family and a few special friends. That sounds perfectly reasonable, but you may find as your life as a mother progresses that this isn't the dominant perspective.
Most of the first birthday parties I went to were pretty big groups of other children from mother's groups. If the party was on a weekend, spouses were automatically invited. One mum couldn't make it to my ds's party, so her husband brought their child instead.
Several people's comments on this thread indicate some people believe a first birthday is for the parents to celebrate the first year of life. This makes perfect sense, but many other people think a first birthday party is for the children to enjoy the taste of cake and have a special day all to themselves (they may not remember, but the photos live as evidence).
So you see, how you define that party or not-really-a-party may not be even close to what someone else thinks.
This is an unfortunate case of completely different points of view clashing. If we can all take a step back we can see how no one is being rude (although we are being a bit defensive) we are just not seeing the same picture.
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