how to say they are not invited

[hj1981]

I would feel really odd going to a child's party without my children (if I had children), or my husband (if I had a husband) to be honest and would find such an invite quite strange.

its a flippen ONE year's birthday! it is NOT a party, it is a gathering of close friends and family!

[Floweryfields]

its a flippen ONE year's birthday! it is NOT a party, it is a gathering of close friends and family!

Ok!! YOU asked what people thought! That is what I think! Sorry if you don't like it.


For me, a one year old party involves both grandparents and close aunts/uncles, cousins and that's it.

[Beatrix]

its a flippen ONE year's birthday! it is NOT a party, it is a gathering of close friends and family!

slightly rude and uncalled for I think..

You asked and she answered politely.

[Maruschke]

I would have assumed it was a party because there were formal written invites... that's rather formal for an informal gathering, so I understand why it was assumed to be a party.

Hun, is there a reason why you are sensitive about this?

[Miss.B]

I had quite a lot of friends visit me in hossy after DS was born, and most of them came without their partner/kids. When my DS turned 1, I invited them to his birthday party and they came with their partner/hubby and their kids. It was a children's party after all, even though DS was only 1, and most kids were 3+ in ages (some 8-12). And yes, I had to do games etc as the kids were mostly older and I felt it was my job to make it fun for them (even though my DS couldn't join in most of them). If you don't want this particular friend's hubby/kids to come, just don't invite her.

[loulabelle]

I would feel really odd going to a child's party without my children (if I had children), or my husband (if I had a husband) to be honest and would find such an invite quite strange.

And, even if I were only friends with someone and an invite had only my name on it, I would assume that my husband and children were invited too as that's just what normally happens.

To answer the opening question, I don't actually know how you would word it to say they aren't invited and not sound rude.

Eta - If you verbally told these ladies it was only for them and not their children/partners (as someone else suggested), what would be the reaction when they saw other people there with children and hubbies? Would make me wonder why you didn't want mine there iykwim and could make your friendships messy.

I'm with you. I would feel odd going to a kids party without my kids. I would assume my kids and Dh were invited because that's how every other children's party that I've been to is.

I would be especially offended if I knew other friends dh and kids had been invited but mine hadn't.

But, as you said you're not going to tell her otherwise and I think that's a smart move. Obviously, from the replies in this thread, it isn't an odd assumption for your friend to make.

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[BlackCat]

Like i said if she had of asked i would never of said no they are not invited, but because she hasn't asked and is just bringing them along i find that rude!

I understand that you're feeling it was a rude assumption to make, but if you weren't going to tell her no if she asked anyway then isnt it all a moot point at the end of the day?

I guess it all depends on what your friendship is like and where you want it to go as to where to go from here. Honestly I think it was just an honest misunderstanding on her behalf, as you can see from 80% of the responses from this thread that would have taken the same invite the same way?

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

OK, my thoughts.

1 - if I am told I am invited because of my friendship to the mother, I would clarify if it were me only or the family, and not be offended by a "you only" answer. I would be offended by "I hate your hubby and your child is a brat so no way are they invited" - but I am sure that people don't say it, even if they think it! However, hospital - where I am, children aren't allowed into the maternity wards unless siblings, so I couldn't have taken my DS to visit a baby in hospital, even a cousin. DH would be on babysitting duties should I ever visit a maternity ward, so no DH or children there.

2 - If I am told I am invited to a child's party, I would think that it is for the family. However, with the extra info, I would still clarify. And then not go: I'm not into cooing at a little child with loads of adults I don't know and other children I don't know too.

3 - DS's last party, I was not at all offended, upset or surprised that his friends turned up, their mothers stayed - then after her nap, one of his friend's sisters turned up with the dad and they both stayed. I had extra party bags so even the little girl was given a bag - although unexpected, it wasn't rude. It is, after all, a child's birthday party. Why would children, even of the "wrong" age, not be invited? And Musical Statues isn't a hard game to set up.

[Tegam]

.

Hun, is there a reason why you are sensitive about this?

Have read all the replies and I have to ask the same question?


I am another who for one probably would have assumed we were all invite.

I would also have been upset if I had read the invite correctly and realised it was just me invited and the rocked up and seen other people husbands and kids.

I would feel like a twat at a first bday party without my kids.

I think of a first bday party as a party not an adult gathering.

[LuluHB]

I would assume that it was an invite for my family and not just me. If I was invited but my family excluded and I got to a party/gathering/whatever to find that other people's partners and children had been invited and mine hadn't (as you have said is the case with your DD's birthday), then TBH I would be extremely offended - I may feel differently if those partners and children were close family, but just the kids from playgroup - nope. It would be a big friendship issue for me. I would take that very personally.

ETA: Tegam - snap!

[Tegam]

Also wanted to say tho you have a right to feel however you want and I'm sorry she has ****ed you off

[Catastrophic]

So do you find it rude that she is bringing her family along without asking?

I wish you didn't just edit your post. Because this did just ask how to tell her that her husband and kids are not invited (not those exact words but what I remember of it)

No I don't think it's rude. I would expect that kids/family ate invited unless it was like an adult gathering then I ask.

But I also don't think you have much of a friendship if your never going to get along with her family.

[lilima]

Yes I would be pretty annoyed if only I was invited, then I turned up without my family, and there were others there with kids.

[nothing2lose]

its a flippen ONE year's birthday! it is NOT a party, it is a gathering of close friends and family!

Sorry, you yourself use the term "party" in your post (both original and edited version).

[Livinthedream]

its a flippen ONE year's birthday! it is NOT a party, it is a gathering of close friends and family!

I am pretty sure that once you issue invites, have food and a cake and specifically mention the giving or not giving of gifts, it has become a party whether you call it that or not.

I dont think that there is a polite way to tell your friend that her family is not invited, I also dont think that it is rude or out of line for her to assume that her kids are invited too. I am pretty sure she would not make the same assumption if you were throwing a hens night.

Good luck

[*EJ*]

hj1981 i do understand where you're coming from but i feel (and as it is quite clear from all the posts) there is no way to tactfully invite one family member and not the others... Unless it was stated right from the start partners/children were not invited and when doing so it could come across as being quite offensive is some people have partners/children and not others.

You're entitled to your opinion totally about the husband and children but i kind of think you might have to grit your teeth and go along with them being welcome also if you would like your friend to be there. And i'm with you, i hope you don't get any drawing on walls.

[MummyNaomi]

Like most of the others, I'd assume it was a family invite due to the fact it's a child's birthday party (1 yr, 10yrs, its the same). Personally, I wouldn't go if my DH and DS weren't invited, firstly because I'd be a bit annoyed that you didn't want them there, and secondly because my family time is precious, when I do have time away from them, it would be for adult time with my girlfriends, or to go and treat myself to a massage or something ....... not be around other peoples children and partners when mine aren't invited!

You made a comment about your 'friend' and her family coming for food and free drink - if this is really what you think, then why are you even friends with her? It's the 'norm' to treat your guests at any party to food and drink, rather than begrudge them it. Also, I think that the fact that you pointed out that she is the only one not bringing a present (when you said not too) is just another criticism of her - is she actually a friend or a fr-enemy?

[Cherished]

Hey HJ wow 1 already! I haven't read all of the replies but I'm sorry hon I think it's pretty rude not to invite your friends family. I would not go if it were me. The time I have with my family is more important than going to a birthday of a friends child and I would be wondering what kind of friend you are not wanting my kids around. Fair enough you have said that you don't like her husband but saying her kids can't come is a bit of a stretch.