how to say they are not invited

[SunnyRain]

I think it's the context of the party being a child's birthday party the general assumption is that it's a family affair, regardless of how well the kids know each other.

I've been to lots of kids birthday parties and kids of all ages and partners are always invited. In your uni friend's experience, I'm sure that is what she has always encountered, she is the one with older kids, I'm sure she's been to quite a few kids parties in her time.

I don't think she's being rude, although it was a bit weird to announce she wasn't bringing a gift.

[hj1981]

I think it's the context of the party being a child's birthday party the general assumption is that it's a family affair, regardless of how well the kids know each other.

I've been to lots of kids birthday parties and kids of all ages and partners are always invited. In your uni friend's experience, I'm sure that is what she has always encountered, she is the one with older kids, I'm sure she's been to quite a few kids parties in her time.

I don't think she's being rude, although it was a bit weird to announce she wasn't bringing a gift.

Thank you = that does make sense!

[forshelby]

I haven't read this whole thread so forgive me if I'm repeating what someone.else said.

I would think it's common sense that my DS would be invited to a 1y.os party. But would most likely reference the fact I would bring him, casually. Eg- "Ooh, DSs first party invite!" Honestly, I think it is rude to invite other peoples children but to exclude hers. I would be offended., even if my DS was a pain in the butt and it was warranted. Consider how you would feel if everyone elses kids were welcome but not yours. That'd hurt. JMO.

I don't think there is a tactful way to say something hurtful such as this. Either lose a friend, or put up with her kids. Sorry to be blunt, just how I see it.

[SunnyRain]

So you meant to ask how to word an invitation in the future to invite only the friend without the family?

I think someone already said it would be a better verbal invitation to say "it's only a small party, but you were so supportive during my pregnancy and I'd love you to be there with the other women in our group. I'll send you an invitation with the details."

That's how you should do it next time.

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[hj1981]

Thank you Kuraiza, i did try and do that also! but in future i now know better thank you

[*Danni*]

I think that everyone does things differently and I would generally confirm that my family were invited if only my name was on the invite, but I must say as it is a 1st birthday i think it is safe to assume that my family would be invited too, so I definitely understand where others are coming from on this thread.

However, it really isn't the point whether they are being rude, you are being rude etc etc I think all that matters now is finding the best way of telling your friend that it is her only on the invite, purposely! It is your baby's party so it is absolutely your choice and I don't think you should worry about what everyone thinks etc. It isn't exactly unreasonable given the circumstances you have outlined IMO.

now, the question is... Since she has said that her family is coming, have you made contact since? Because the best way to nip this situation is reply to that response directly and say something like oh I'm sorry this invite is specifically for you as you have been there for me throughout my journey and it is more of a small affair, as much as you would like to have everyone's families x y & z are also coming solo and it will be fun.

I personally wouldn't risk her children coming and ruining the event if that's really what you feel may happen. A first birthday is SO special and only happens once!! But if for whatever reason u decided on having them all.. I would definitely treat it as a "my house my rules" situation. Just because they are wild in general does not mean you have to accept that in your house!!


Sent from my iPhone more than likely while I should be doing something else!

[loulabelle]

I would feel really odd going to a child's party without my children (if I had children), or my husband (if I had a husband) to be honest and would find such an invite quite strange.

And, even if I were only friends with someone and an invite had only my name on it, I would assume that my husband and children were invited too as that's just what normally happens.

To answer the opening question, I don't actually know how you would word it to say they aren't invited and not sound rude.

Eta - If you verbally told these ladies it was only for them and not their children/partners (as someone else suggested), what would be the reaction when they saw other people there with children and hubbies? Would make me wonder why you didn't want mine there iykwim and could make your friendships messy.

I'm with you. I would feel odd going to a kids party without my kids. I would assume my kids and Dh were invited because that's how every other children's party that I've been to is.

I would be especially offended if I knew other friends dh and kids had been invited but mine hadn't.

But, as you said you're not going to tell her otherwise and I think that's a smart move. Obviously, from the replies in this thread, it isn't an odd assumption for your friend to make.

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[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

OK, my thoughts.

1 - if I am told I am invited because of my friendship to the mother, I would clarify if it were me only or the family, and not be offended by a "you only" answer. I would be offended by "I hate your hubby and your child is a brat so no way are they invited" - but I am sure that people don't say it, even if they think it! However, hospital - where I am, children aren't allowed into the maternity wards unless siblings, so I couldn't have taken my DS to visit a baby in hospital, even a cousin. DH would be on babysitting duties should I ever visit a maternity ward, so no DH or children there.

2 - If I am told I am invited to a child's party, I would think that it is for the family. However, with the extra info, I would still clarify. And then not go: I'm not into cooing at a little child with loads of adults I don't know and other children I don't know too.

3 - DS's last party, I was not at all offended, upset or surprised that his friends turned up, their mothers stayed - then after her nap, one of his friend's sisters turned up with the dad and they both stayed. I had extra party bags so even the little girl was given a bag - although unexpected, it wasn't rude. It is, after all, a child's birthday party. Why would children, even of the "wrong" age, not be invited? And Musical Statues isn't a hard game to set up.

[LuluHB]

I would assume that it was an invite for my family and not just me. If I was invited but my family excluded and I got to a party/gathering/whatever to find that other people's partners and children had been invited and mine hadn't (as you have said is the case with your DD's birthday), then TBH I would be extremely offended - I may feel differently if those partners and children were close family, but just the kids from playgroup - nope. It would be a big friendship issue for me. I would take that very personally.

ETA: Tegam - snap!

[Tegam]

.

Hun, is there a reason why you are sensitive about this?

Have read all the replies and I have to ask the same question?


I am another who for one probably would have assumed we were all invite.

I would also have been upset if I had read the invite correctly and realised it was just me invited and the rocked up and seen other people husbands and kids.

I would feel like a twat at a first bday party without my kids.

I think of a first bday party as a party not an adult gathering.

[Tegam]

Also wanted to say tho you have a right to feel however you want and I'm sorry she has ****ed you off

[lilima]

Yes I would be pretty annoyed if only I was invited, then I turned up without my family, and there were others there with kids.

[Catastrophic]

So do you find it rude that she is bringing her family along without asking?

I wish you didn't just edit your post. Because this did just ask how to tell her that her husband and kids are not invited (not those exact words but what I remember of it)

No I don't think it's rude. I would expect that kids/family ate invited unless it was like an adult gathering then I ask.

But I also don't think you have much of a friendship if your never going to get along with her family.

[*EJ*]

hj1981 i do understand where you're coming from but i feel (and as it is quite clear from all the posts) there is no way to tactfully invite one family member and not the others... Unless it was stated right from the start partners/children were not invited and when doing so it could come across as being quite offensive is some people have partners/children and not others.

You're entitled to your opinion totally about the husband and children but i kind of think you might have to grit your teeth and go along with them being welcome also if you would like your friend to be there. And i'm with you, i hope you don't get any drawing on walls.

[Jennifer13]

I'm really surprised you didn't invite partners and children to a child's first birthday party. First time i've ever heard of it!

Why would you not invite kids and partners? it's not drinks celebrating the end of uni!

[Tegam]

Gees don't you just HATE it when you are really put out/worked up over something and no one agrees with you! You must feel like you are banging your head up against the wall.

Hugs

[Butterfly Dawn]

Sounds like your in "a rock and a hard place" sitation.
If invites were sent and only her name on - then she really should have checked about hubby and kids but it seems alot of people assume that 1=all.
Personally , I would always check.
Would love to know how the party goes. Hope her kids behave in a reasonable fashion. You shouldnt have to police your house, but I wouldn't hesitate in reminding her to watch her own children. You cant be expected to keep an eye on them all as the host, each parent should be watching their own kids- thats fair. Perhaps even explain some basic house rules to the kids when they get there?

[Tegam]

At least I've learnt that I'll now be double checking EVERY invite we get from now on.

It's funny that I would have assumed that it was ok for all of us to go but I NEVER take other sibling when one of my kids is invited to a birthday party. I find that highly rude.

Maybe my issue is now I don't see myself as an individual, but rather a package deal LOL