How would you deal with this situation (money issues etc)

[PinkPalace]

This isnt a vent or boohoo as it is a ongoing situation that secretly drives me crazy and i usually ignore it (smile and nod approach) but it is starting to get to me!

Well i rethought my post and decided to re word it a little more generically

HOw do you keep up with the gift giving etc with family and friends when they have much more disposable income than you do??


So i am asking how do you deal with the money expectations and how do you approach them?

[alioops]

I would show MIL your budget and say that not everyone is made of money, and if you could afford to give more then you would, but you wont put yourselves behind just to live up to family expectations.

[PinkPalace]

We dont want to disclose our income as such because we are doing fine and dont want people to help us - just quit with expectations of how much money "should' be given to other people.

As soon as we say we cant afford it - MIl thinks we are struggling (we arent we budget well !) and wont let up on giving us money. But we dont want the money.

does that make sense? lol

[Winter]

Either your DH is going to have to have a chat with your MIL or you're going to have to keep doing the nodding & ignoring thing.

I wish you weren't being pressured about money. It really is nobody's business (especially not your MIL's) how you spend your money or how much you choose to spend or give as gifts.

xox

[Amaunet]

I definitely think you need to broach the subject with your MiL. Maybe by making her aware that YOUR family have to go without to live up to her expectations. I would give some examples eg how much you have "leftover" and perhaps tactfully point out this other couple earn more and have no dependants , if you are not comfortable to talk about it, perhaps your DH could talk to his mum about the unfair financial pressure she is placing on your family?

[Amaunet]

Sorry we posted at the same time. Ignore previous advice perhaps communicate with the rest of the family re gifts? Or just give what you would like eg handmade and if they are ungrateful that's their problem?

[Lisa]

I'm very up front. I just say flat out that we can't afford it and if we have something to contribute we will. Because my neice & nephews are so young, we kinda don't make a big deal out of christmas presents... I think we spend $10-15 on them and if something was able to be made as a gift, even better! My sister last year tye dyed some clothes for my kids and they loved them.

I think your IL's have very unreal expectations sadly.

[PinkPalace]

I have changed my OP somewhat - like i said it is a general feeling . i was using examples but it is in everyday life.

You know the friends that spend a lot on your child for their birthday.. how can you do the same when you clearly cant afford to .. then how do you not feel guilty?

[westy]

PP,

To me it's the thought that counts not how much the present did or didnt cost. Most children don't understand the concept of how much things cost ...what im trying to say is that you could go and buy and $10 gift and the child would be just as happy with the gift as they would be to receive a $100 gift ...money has no meaning to children.

[*Ali*]

To me it is about the thought behind the present more than the value of the gift. I would much rather have a gift from someone that is really meant for me, ie. they have taken the time to think about what I would like, and either made it or bought it, than a gift that cost lots of money.

I am not a keeping up with the Jones' kinda girl, and so I give what I give because I have thought about it, and I want to give that person a gift. If they choose to spend more on me or my children, then that is their choice, and I take the gift with gratitude but without guilt.

Something DH and I decided a few years ago was to stop buying gifts between ourselves and his brother and sister, and instead a couple of times a year we get together, pick a different cuisine or location and head out for dinner. We love it, and it has become a tradition over the past 3 years, I would much rather do this, something with meaning, then by them a $50 something that they either don't want or could have bought for themselves, as they are both single with disposable incomes.

[PinkPalace]

PP,

To me it's the thought that counts not how much the present did or didnt cost. Most children don't understand the concept of how much things cost ...what im trying to say is that you could go and buy and $10 gift and the child would be just as happy with the gift as they would be to receive a $100 gift ...money has no meaning to children.

This is how i feel too! i hate handing over money or feeling like if i want to give or make a gift then i am frowned upon.

[aussienic]

I honestly don't care if someone spends more on me then I do on them. If they are willing and able to do that then good on them. I buy within my means and I don't compete. I try and get nice gifts ect but I don't go over the top with spending..

[Nai]

A few things that I do is to buy throughout the year when I see sales on. This way I can get things that might be more expensive at a reasonable price. I also buy things from markets that I think are really unusual or unique, and nobody would have any idea of how much it would cost. If I see something that is just perfect for someone I will buy it and put it away for a present. I also check out the websites that have designer stuff at discount rates eg I got an Oobi outfit for a friend's baby for $15 that is normally $50.

That way I don't spend a lot, I don't feel cheap (even though I am) and the cost is spread throughout the year.