I just have to get this out!

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Duly noted

yeah but would you ask them to bring the main meal? LOL

But us it the main meal?
I'd assume you would need more than 1 chook for 4+ adults.

I understand why your frustrated but unless your willing to talk to them about 'the rules' id just accept it is what it is and possibly not offer in the future if it comes with certain standards (not being rude just couldn't think of a better way)


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

[Kazzo]

Completely off topic, but I keep thinking about people saying one chook would not feed 4 adults. We normally eat a roast chook (with potato, vegies and or salad) at DH parents on a sunday and that one chook feeds 8 adults and 4 kids so to me it is very much possible that the chook is the main part of the meal.

Sorry completely off track.

[Tegam]

I even checked that this wasn't a boohoo before I replied.

I would have said.

Oh dear it's not nice to feel used, if it was a boohoo.

But an etiquette question I stand by what I said

[Tegam]

I think I'm going to worry now that when people offer to help me or bring something that they aren't bring genuine. Eek!

So am I lol

[Blondie]

sounds like it's not actually that they asked you to bring a chook that bothers you... it's the inequity of it.... that they don't usually contribute.....

Pretty much...I guess it just all came to a head with the Chicken....LOL It's the same everytime with them. Always participating, never recipricating.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Pretty much...I guess it just all came to a head with the Chicken....LOL It's the same everytime with them. Always participating, never recipricating.

From an etiquette point of view if it's such an issue you need to discuss it with them, they might not see anything wrong with how they act.
The polite thing to do if your not happy is discuss it with them or don't invite them

[2CheekyMonkeys]

it will be interesting to see what else is for dinner tonight after you have been over there.

[Miss_Dee]

I don't think a chicken is a whole meal. There's surely going to be other things served with the chicken and as someone else mentioned, I'd rather be asked to pick up a chook (which can be done on the way there) than have to prepare a salad. And by the time you buy all the bits and pieces to make a salad, you're looking at the same cost anyway.

I do get your frustration at them not contributing when the situation is reversed, but I think you've put yourself in this situation. In future don't offer if you're unhappy it's never reciprocated. Or flat out ask them to bring something next time, don't wait for them to ask (or not ask as the case may be).

[meow]

I think it's weird. You're going over to someone's house for a meal, not a big gathering, and you're asked to bring a chicken? It's customary I thought for the guests to bring sides- pre-dinner nibbles, salad, dessert or drinks I would have thought. But the main part of the main course is pretty odd.

[myturn]

Completely off topic, but I keep thinking about people saying one chook would not feed 4 adults. We normally eat a roast chook (with potato, vegies and or salad) at DH parents on a sunday and that one chook feeds 8 adults and 4 kids so to me it is very much possible that the chook is the main part of the meal.

Sorry completely off track.

I just have to say....

that's impressive..... you must be small eaters though.... cause DH, DSD and I will eat half a chicken between us.... so I too could imagine 4 adults....

but 8 adults and 4 kids..... that's not a lot of chicken..!!!!

[myturn]

Pretty much...I guess it just all came to a head with the Chicken....LOL It's the same everytime with them. Always participating, never recipricating.

very very annoying.....

that to me is more of an etiquette issue than the chicken - and that's actually what upset you, but I guess the others are right.... if it bothers you so much maybe a little comment sometime (not tonight I'd suggest, ANOTHER time when things are settled and you're calm)...


"I feel a bit like we offer to contribute to meals etc, and it's not reciprocated sometimes, I'd really appreicate it if you wouldn't mind offering to bring something sometimes. Thanks."

[onthefly]

It sounds to me like the issue here isn't really the chicken, but the nature of reciprocity in your relationship.

[Blondie]

I think it's weird. You're going over to someone's house for a meal, not a big gathering, and you're asked to bring a chicken? It's customary I thought for the guests to bring sides- pre-dinner nibbles, salad, dessert or drinks I would have thought. But the main part of the main course is pretty odd.

yeah, I know but that's typical of these people. It's like their trying to avoid the cost of hosting, but want to appear to be hosting... Ha!

[Catherine]

interesting thread. i think I understand what Blondie is saying.
We lived in the states for a year, and I don't know if is an Amaerican thing generally (maybe others have experiences here?) or was just the people we interacted with, but there seemed to be an 'understanding' that it was good manners to ask to help/bring something, and good manners to say no, good manners to offer again, good manners to say no...but if a third offer was forthcoming, then you said yes. (and the asker accepted whatever request).

For example:
"Can I bring Anything?"
"no, no, not at all!"
"Are you sure, I am happy to bring something?"
"No, really it is fine"
"please, let me bring something!"
"Ok, you can bring a chicken, thanks."

It was a funny little thing, we soon picked up on.

I think in Oz there is a similar thing. Generally, it is polite to ask, it is polite to say no, but understood you bring some drink or nibbles (depending on the occassion).

But when it comes to regular friends, it comes down to habit. With our circle, which is quite large (lots of kids), the host will be quite clear: i'm going to BBQ, bring the meat for your family, and a salad. (host provides for own family, and the location). Other times the host says, I'm putting on X, please just brings some drinks.

But I can see where blondie is coming from, and while I think getting a chicken is pretty easy (and would hope that this means everyone is contibuting something: drinks, salad, bread, dessert, nibbles). I think she was asking to be polite, and expected to get a "no, it's fine", because the usual thing is for the group is host caters main.

I hope you enjoy their company, blondie, and that you have a great night (hope your team wins!). But like others have said, maybe they are the type of people where next time you are hosting you need to be up front and say "please bring X", even though that feels rude for you? or don't invite them over, let the friendship slide?

[sloane]

It sounds to me like the issue here isn't really the chicken, but the nature of reciprocity in your relationship.

that's how i read it as well. i can understand becoming frustrated in that situation & from an etiquette point of view would either address it with them if you feel comfortable or perhaps just not offer in future. it comes down to the nature of your friendship as well.

fwiw i would find a request for a hot chicken a bit peculiar without context - i.e hey can you bring a bbq chicken, im making x, y & z to go with it. a chicken just seems a bit random

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

[Miss.September]

I get where you're coming from, Blondie and for me, it wouldn't be about the chicken. We have it happen to us a lot, but in our case we get written instructions on what to provide before we get a chance to ask. Bit OTT really! And sometimes expensive too when you get told to provide a dish that will feed 20+ people. But when it's time for it to happen the other way round, empty hands there, so I understand your frustration

[Phteven]

We have it happen to us a lot, but in our case we get written instructions on what to provide before we get a chance to ask. Bit OTT really! And sometimes expensive too when you get told to provide a dish that will feed 20+ people.

Now I'm reminded of the infamous Thanksgiving Letter

[Deedles]

Im just gonna put it out there... That letter wasn't real was it?