Keeping secrets

[peanutter]

I was recently asked by a friend if she could tell me a secret in absolute confidence.

I said to her something along the lines of, "Well you know I don't keep secrets from DH, but otherwise yes, I can keep a secret."

She was quite put out, and said I couldn't tell anyone, not a soul.

I reiterated that I don't keep secrets from DH, and while I don't tell him every thing that comes across my grey matter platter, if she wanted to be certain it went no further than me, I could not promise that.

She was really, really put out, but proceeded to tell me nonetheless.

It was exactly the sort of thing that I would want to discuss in confidence with my DH, and is exactly the sort of scenario that I'd put the caveat on for (it was either that her hairdryer broke or that she'd had an affair, but I'm not telling you which). I'd been concerned about that darned hairdryer for about a year, and had spoken to and warned her about it numerous times. And we've been close friends with her husband (straightener) for many years, and I have known the other dude (crimper) for some time, too.

After some weeks she "reminded me" of my "promise" and I again told her outright that I'd said then, and I was saying now that I do not keep secrets from my DH.

Her response was along the lines of, "Yeah, yeah, but if [her DH - let's call him Bob] Bob asks, you have to cover for me."

I told her that I wasn't going to pick up the phone and tell him about it - but if he asked me a direct question, I would not lie.

She was pretty wizzled off with me. I clarified, "If he asks me if you had an affair, I will tell him he shouldn't be asking me questions like that. I'm not going to say yes, I'm not going to say no, I'm not going to say something loaded like, "you should talk to your wife about that" with my gaze averted - but I'm not going to lie."

And I said my (borrowed) standard catch cry, which I've said to colleagues clients and friends alike, "I will not lie to you and I will not lie for you."

She wasn't happy. Not at all. But there wasn't much she could do about it either.

But I don't keep secrets from my husband!! Do I tell him every time I go to the bathroom, or scratch my nose, or have a coffee? No. But do I by and large share the large medium and small with him? Yes.

Is that odd?

If you had been asked that question, how would you respond?

Would you have responded with a simple "yes", with the assumption that everyone with neurons will know you don't keep secrets from your significant other?

Or is that just something that I grew up with (and have adopted into my marriage) which isn't a standard feature?

Genuinely interested.