Point taken, n2l. Edited. Thanks.

Wysiwyg - absolutely. And that's the thing - there are secrets which don't impact DH, that there's no need for him to know, it's not eating at me etc, and so keeping the secret isn't causing problems ... consider every case I have at work, for instance Or when girlfriends are wanting to discuss physical things, baby things, vagina things, or when any friend is wanting to talk about stuff to do with their life, work, family, friends, etc. The scope of things which I take to be "confidential" which there's really no cause for me to discuss them with my DH is broad.

So more broadly (and not directed to you, my dear!) I don't see that as "keeping secrets" from him, any more than I would consider it to be keeping a secret from him by not telling him what I had for lunch. But things that do impact him, people he cares about, etc, I see that quite differently. Things which keep me awake at night, upset me, hurt me, fill me with joy - that's different.

I want to be free to share my joys and sorrows, my pleasures and my anxieties with my husband. Whether it is what I ate for lunch, or a good report I got from a case, or something funny that happened on the train, or something hurtful someone said to me - or a drastic thing going on in a friend's life.

I don't accept someone else dictating what I can and can't discuss with my husband. If they want to set those parameters, then I'm going to set a wider one: don't tell me.