I really struggle with saying Congratulations. Don't know why, it just (still) takes me ages to process a PA. I like to think I'm still nice about it, I just can't congratulate anyone, at least not straight away.
So, yeah, give them the time and the space, it's ok to feel hurt. They'll come back to you.
I only did two IVF cycles, so certainly not a seasoned IVFer but I like BlackRoses suggestion. You need to call her and check on her about her failed cycle, she may not want to talk and that is ok but letting her know that you are there if she needs you would be a nice gesture. I am unsure if I would bring up the pg news as she already knows and like Audax has said not everyone can say congratulations show that they are happy when the present moment they are in is really ****e.
I certainly distanced myself from pg people and didn't really talk about my IVF cycles b/c we had done IUI first and all three cycles had failed so I felt even crappier when people would ask how I was going and I had to say no good. We only told immediate family that we were doing IVF and the first cycle failed which was blardy awful. Two months later a friend announced a pg (unassisted) and I was ok with it but she had done IVF for her second baby so it softened the blow a little. It still hurt & she posted her news on FB. I would have preferred a txt from her would but she told me later in person she just didn't know how to tell me, which I understand.
If they are unfortunate not to fall pg I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to be around someone pg, regardless of you having prior issues falling pg. It is really tough b/c you have been on both sides of the coin & falling pg naturally is amazing after having to do IVF. It is really hard and you have every right to celebrate your pg, just don't flaunt it around your BIL & SIL. Compassion and discretion at this time I would advise. HTH
Registered User
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks