The invitation says "No Gifts"

[Caz1971]

My friend is having a 40th dinner party tomorrow night. We have to pay 60 bucks for our meal. but she has put 'no gifts' on the invitation.

I went out and got her a nice bracelet. (50 bucks). My other friend who is going disagrees. She thinks because we are paying for our meal (drinks are extra by the way) that I should have just gotten her a card.

What would you guys do. Say it was at her house, where you don't pay for the meal, would you come empty handed.

i have always been a believer of buying a gift. My friend who disagrees is on a tight budget, so I think that is her excuse.

Any thoughts would be helpful.


Caz

[Astrolady]

I agree with your friend. If I have to go out and pay for a meal and the invite says "no gifts" then no I wont take a gift, just a card.

If it was at the person's house and it still says "no gifts" then I might take something to drink along.

[LimeSlice]

I often buy gifts for people despite a "no gifts" on an invite etc.

I like doing it, I want to do it. The no gifts is realistically because you ARE paying for your own meals she doesn't want anyone to feel obliged. Fair enough. If you can't/won't/don't want to get anything, then don't.

If you do, do. But I would give it privately, not make a big deal over it and make it personal.

Hope she has an awesome birthday!

[Traveller]

At my recent birthday party I requested "no gifts" and a donation to charity instead. Many people brought gifts and did not donate to the charity I had requested. TBH I was really hurt. I hate gifts of obligation, and yet people would rather spend their money on something I didn't want or need than follow my wishes. So I agree with your friend, if the invitation says "no gifts" then that is what you should do.

[misty]

What Limeslice said.

No gifts, means 'no gifts'. It doesn't mean you cann't give one if you want to, but it does mean there is no obligation for anyone to get one; and if you do, youu should probably do so privately.

[Jas]

I agree with Limeslice, in cases like what Traveller is saying I agree a gift is rude but in the case you are talking about I think a gift is fine, but also I wouldnt think it at all rude not to take a gift

[LimeSlice]

Ah Trav, see that is a bit different.
If there was a request for charitable donations instead, I would probably do both, but certainly wouldn't give you a gift and not donate. Having said that, I wouldn't donate to a charity I didn't believe in myself, despite of a request to.

[Junglemum]

If it says no gifts, i will still give a gift. BUT if it requested money to be donated to charity instead then i would definitely do that. But i wouldn't do nothing.

On the other end of that. We requested to wedding gifts at our wedding. Many people bought one, some didn't, and i wasn't fussed at all. I said to gifts and i meant it so was absolutely fine with people no bringing a gift.

So i think both responses are totally acceptable.

[Taurean]

I often buy gifts for people despite a "no gifts" on an invite etc.

I like doing it, I want to do it. The no gifts is realistically because you ARE paying for your own meals she doesn't want anyone to feel obliged. Fair enough. If you can't/won't/don't want to get anything, then don't.

If you do, do. But I would give it privately, not make a big deal over it and make it personal.

Hope she has an awesome birthday!

:yeahthat: I'd also be even more inclined to take a gift as it's a milestone birthday but it was also depend on my relationship with the birthday person - a really close friend or just a friend IYKWIM

[StrawberryFields]

Yeah, I'd say if you do feel the need to give a gift, give it in private like LimeSlice said. I'f they were asking you to do something like donate, then I would obey that instruction strictly!

We explicitly asked for no gifts at our wedding and had a wishing well instead, because we run a very very very financially tight household, and our wedding was in Brisbane but we live in Townsville, so we couldn't afford to transport gifts. Most people did the wishing well thing which was greatly appreciated, but the ones who bought gifts bought things like gigantic food processors and stuff that we just could not get home and that was so frustrating. Not only that but we already had all of the things so I ended up leaving a lot of it in Brisbane with my mother to do with as she pleased.

[MrsBexie]

If it was a close friend and a birthday present, and there wasn't any requests to donate to a charity or something, I would still buy something special because I just love giving gifts! Luckily my friends know that and wouldn't be offended.

If it was a wishing well I would put money in that cause we had one at our wedding and it was awesome! We only got 3 presents which were not bad ones.

[sconeonamission]

I'd say the gift was you coming and paying $60 for your meal and being company. I can see that. YOU are the gift then.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Personally we often go out for birthday dinners where we pay for ourselves and we still take a gift.
For a big birthday such as this i would still buy a gift for a friend, maybe you can give it to them before or after th e party and not in front of other guests IYKWIM.

But thats just me.

[~Jayne~]

Hey There,

Are you really close to this friend? If it were a really close friend of mine, I would still buy a gift - but that's just me.

Good luck!

Jayne

[tellytubby]

I'd say the gift was you coming and paying $60 for your meal and being company. I can see that. YOU are the gift then.

Yes, your presense is our present - no gift necessary