Generally, I only lend something if I would be happy not to get it back. Too often in the past I have lent things to people and they have not been returned or have been poorly looked after and returned in poor condition. My sister has had a huge influence on my attitude as she has always not returned the things I have lent her or she has simply not looked after them and often they are ruined.

If plenty of toys are available to play with, I would not expect a child to hand over a toy they were playing with simply because another child wanted it. I might suggest playing together with the toy or taking it in turns. If we have children coming over to the house I tell my own children to put away and 'special' toys they don't want to share and that everything else is to be shared with our guests. If we were visiting someone else's home and the child wanted a toy one of my kids was playing with a would probably tell my kids that they needed to give the toy back to the owner and play with another toy. Some kids just want whatever toy another kid looks to be having fun with and I find that very frustrating!

If a workmate forgets their lunch I offer to share my food if I have enough or I offer to loan them money to buy food. It depends somewhat on who it is as I work with someone different each time I work and obviously I feel more comfortable with some people than with others. I would be more inclined to share food with people I get along with and more likely to loan money to someone I don't know well. I would figure that if I got the money back (given that I might not see the person again for months) it would be a bonus, if not - well, I did something nice and bought someone lunch.

I generally don't offer money to friends in financial difficulty. I would be happy to help in other ways, such as assisting with the kids when they are working or paying for a meal or a movie, but if someone is struggling financially it will probably take more than the cost of lunch to help them out of that financial hole. I would not want to ruin a friendship by loaning money which may not be repaid and, quite frankly, I have my own bills to pay!

I don't give money to beggars, nor do I donate to door knockers or tin rattlers. I find both quite confronting and I find someone coming into my personal space, be it my home or on the street, somewhat offensive and often very pushy. I deal regularly with people suffering addictions to drugs and alcohol and I am not prepared to give my money to support either. Most of the people on the streets begging are struggling with addictions. I assist them regularly in my work and would assist anyone in distress in my own time, but I don't give cash. I have offered to buy a beggar a sandwich in the past and was declined not so politely. I donate regularly to charities of my own choosing and have researched which charities I personally believe are the most effective.

If I see someone in distress (fall over, faint...) I always assist. I do so partly because my job is to do so but mainly because I couldn't walk past someone in physical distress or danger and do nothing. If I saw someone emotionally distraught with no one supporting them I would ask if they were ok.

I donate blood, I would donate bone marrow (although I am not on the register), if I had enough BM I would donate that. My DS only has a single dodgy kidney so I would not donate one to anyone else... mine are banked for him. I would donate a kidney to my son without hesitation. If a member of my extended family needed a kidney, I'm not sure what I would do! Honestly, I struggle with my son's renal issues and to give my kidney to someone else would take away my comfort in the knowledge that I have a spare if his ever stops functioning. I could not donate my eggs. I think it's an incredibly selfless gift, but I think I would want the baby. I could use someone else's eggs and love the child as my own. I *think* I could surrogate for someone else as I would begin the process knowing that the baby was not mine, I would just be babysitting for nine months. Not sure... I would need to think more about it before actually committing. Again, what if I wanted the baby at the end?

I give away a lot of things I would be happy to keep if I think someone else would use it more than I do. I often clean out my wardrobe and donate clothes to charity that I figure I simply don't 'need' and someone else would be grateful for.

I offer my advice when it is asked for. Sometimes people just want to vent and not be told how to 'fix' things. If I give unsolicited advice I am generally very careful in the way that I word it so as not to be offensive.

When I give to friends and family, I do expect the giving to be returned. An example would be a particular friend whose child I looked after time and time again. I would have looked after her on about a hundred occasions. When I asked her to look after my DS ONCE, her response was 'no, it's not really convenient'. Not impossible, not difficult, just 'inconvenient'. I no longer look after her DS. I don't give because I expect to get something in return, I enjoy the feeling of giving, but I absolutely loathe being used. Giving should be a two way street and if one person is constantly giving and the other constantly taking the relationship is unbalanced.

I don't mind talking about sharing. I am also pretty comfortable these days saying 'no, sorry' if I feel like someone is asking too much, more than I am comfortable giving.

Oh... I hate sharing my books. I would rather give you my leg than lend you a book!!