Realised I never actually answered these things muself ...


I find the kids-and-toys thing depends on what the toy is, and how invovled my DS (or the other child) is when playing with it. He isn't overly possessive, so most of the time unless there's a particularly difficult child taking things from him, he'll happily entertain himself doing something else. A friend's child though has one particular toy he's rather obsessed with, and so if someone else takes it from him, his parents swoop in. Other things he has to share, though.

Food is a little different, and as generally there's enough to go around, if one guest isn't sharing much, we'll just put more out. We don't give them anything we're not happy for them to eat a fair bit of, so if they're hungry enough to need more, we let them have it.

I will happily share things with colleagues and friends, though we don't really lend money anymore, having had a few awkward scenarios. If we can and are happy to give it, we will, but we won't often lend anymore. But lending things, helping out time and energy wise, emotional support, we're pretty easy going, and we find that more often than not, it's reciprocated, or it's something we're willing to do anyway, because it's the right thing.

I tend not to give to people collecting money. We give very intentionally, and very privately. So when raffles come around or people doing races/rides/sleep outs/famines etc we either support that person or not, rather than that charity or not. If we want to donate to cancer research or an aid organisation or a Bible translation group or whatever, we'll do it privately, and not because someone's come to our door or is on the corner.

I've caught the train to school then uni then work for the past 21 years, and so I've seen lots of things on the train! I've quite happily given people tissues or water got off the train with them and waited for assistance, and I've had both extremes on the other side. I've had a blood nose on the train and a school kid I'd never met took me back to her place and helped me get cleaned up (I'm lucky I didn't end up in the slave trade, I know... ) and back on my way, and I had another time when while heavily pregnant I fell over and got cuts all up my arm and leg, and no one helped me at all, and I ended up crying and mopping up blood and picking gravel out of my arm for the full 60 minute train ride ... I wish someone a little more generous had been there that day ...

With repeat offenders, I protect myself. Like with lending/giving money - we'll decide whether we're happy to do whatever it is, on the assumption it's not coming back ... so in some small things, we'll still do it (like the person who never buys you a birthday present even though you get them one every year, or the person who never offers to pay for dinner, or never brings a drink to the party, or whatever) and in some larger things, we don't. It depends on the friendship, and whethe the non-reciprocation is due to lack of effort, forgetfulness, lack of time/money, or due to their being a sucky friend.

I will donate blood when I have time and energy. At the moment, I *could* donate blood because I tick all the boxes, but I've been really tired with my little men and a lot of work, so I think it would be silly to donate. I need all the iron I can get !! But when things settle down a bit, I will happily continue donating blood. Chances are I'll need blood some day, and I want to do for others what I hope they will one day do for me. I don't donate plasma, because it just takes too long, and adding another task like that into my rather hectic schedule isn't realistic. If I had more time, I probably would, but it's not feasible for me any time soon. I'm on the marrow list. I have considered donating breastmilk but have come to the realisation that I cannot do it without feeling I am robbing my own children. I have a good supply, but not an oversupply, and anything I pump is for them. My kidneys are also mine, and would only ever be available for my DH or DSs. I could never give it to someone else and then worry my children would need it. I just couldn't do it.

I have considered surrogacy previously, but after the completely crap pregnancies and birth experiences I have had, I would have to really, really weigh it up. I could imagine doing it for my sister, if that was her only realistic prospect of being able to gestate a child, but that would be about it.

Expectations is something I struggle with, and I fluctuate from not expecting anything at all from others, through to not understanding why not everyone feels the way I do about these sorts of things.

I find it extremely challenging - but a huge opportunity for growth. Thus the benefit of reading others' opinions here!!

My opinions and positions are based on how I grew up - the bits I love and want to keep, and the bits I disagree with, and so have intentionally swung away from. I try to bring my kids up this way - taking what is good, and assessing everything, to come to your own decisions and values. And values can change, when we learn and understand more. I believe that everything we have, from our stuff to our talent to our wisdom comes from God, and we're stewards of it ... everything is on loan, and none of it is really ours. Even if we worked hard for it, I believe our talents and passions and drive are all gifts too, and come together as part of the "stuff" we've inherited. So even if we've been through a lot to get somewhere, and have worked really hard (compared to someone who sat around and did nothing) I still feel that pull of stewardship and accountability - and that we then each make our own choices about what to do with what we've got.

I don't think it's black and whilte in terms of what is right and wrong.

I think we all do the best we can with what we know and what we've got.