What do I do now??

**surprised** · February 11th, 2013, 05:53 PM

Huge can of worms. You risk defaming her but you risk being held responsible if something goes wrong in the next job. All I can say if it were me is that I would contact the babysitter and tell her you are uncomfortable being her referee and that she should tell the person who called you that you're unavailable.

If you are even remotely honest she won't get this job.

**Phteven** · February 11th, 2013, 06:19 PM

If they call again you can say that you're not prepared to offer a reference. Refusing to be a referee says volumes without saying a thing.

My Dad rang someone for a reference once and he said 'I tried him. Now you can'. Lol. We didn't try him.

**Floweryfields** · February 11th, 2013, 06:30 PM

You need to be careful when providing a reference for someone. I dont think that you are able to outright say anything negative about someone - but having said that I could be very wrong.

Maybe someone on HR could pop in and help you out

What is the point of being asked for a reference then? I am always honest if I am contacted about a former staff member. If they were always late and lazy, I am not going to say they were early and great at their job iykwim.

Definition of defamation in Australia:

You can defame someone if you say something false about them which spoils their good reputation, which makes people want to avoid them or which hurts them in their work or their profession.

I think as long as you're not saying anything false, then you aren't defaming anyone.

**Frantelle** · February 11th, 2013, 06:46 PM

Where did I say that you shouldn't be honest. I just said to choose your words carefully.

I also said that I could be wrong and deferred to someone in HR!

**Mak** · February 11th, 2013, 07:53 PM

I'd be blunt and say I didn't feel comfortable - no need to go into detail. It's hard but it is your reputation too.

**OceanPrincess** · February 11th, 2013, 08:12 PM

No dramas Frantelle! All good!

So I called her back. I kept in the back of my mind that I would still use her as a babysitter but she wasn't suited to the nannying gig.

First thing she said was "so how long did you work in the company with X for?" So I responded "I'm not really sure what she told you, I didn't even know she was using me as a reference, but she worked for me as a nanny, she looked after my kids for about six months." So that probably spoke volumes, that she hadn't told me.

She asked about her duties, so I said she looked after my kids from morning til night. She asked why she finished up and I was honest and explained that she was a bit over her head with my kids, that they needed more than she was able to give. She asked about her attendance, was she on time and didn't have too many sick days? Easy to answer - always on time, no sick days. Strengths? Easy. Weaknesses? Referred again to being a bit over her head. Don't really know if that was a weakness... But anyway. Asked if I'd employ her again and I said as a nanny no, but that I'd use her as a babysitter.

Then I texted her and said that it is a good idea to ask a referee before using them and to let them know when you apply for a job so they can expect a call. She wrote back and apologized - apparently she'd asked someone else but they were on leave when the woman rang them so she had to give her another name and thought of me. She still could have had told me!

Anyway, I feel ok with that. I think I handled it ok.