Is it best to reduce all stresses before ivf?

[jules30]

hi ladies, i this year started a post grad masters degree which im finding to be quite demanding with managing full time work as well.

We have been going through the decision making process to get to an ivf cycle and i think we are almost there and will probably start in the next few months. It has been 10 months to today since i found out we would have to do ivf.

i think our body's can deal with a lot but im wondering if i should drop the degree to make the most of my first cycle and then i could pick it up later. Do you think study stress might impact on the viability of the cycle?

Opinions or advice on what i should do?

[butterfly_warrior]

I don't necessarily think that stress will prevent an IVF cycle from working, but it certainly can impact on your ability to cope with the side effects of the medications and the whole concept of needing IVF itself. With my first stim cycle, I went through things at a relatively low-stress time for teaching. The second came at a much more stressful time in teaching... and while my case is different (I got OHSS both times and we knew it was going to happen well before EPU - the second time I knew exactly what was coming and it scared the whatsits out of me), I certainly didn't cope well with things the second time around. The nurses who were doing my blood tests eventually had to stop me working because I'd walk into their office and completely break down...

However, people cope with things differently. Some may find IVF a breeze with minimal side effects and be able to continue with work and study as normal. Others are effected greatly by side effects and need time out. You won't know which camp you'll fall into until you start. Do you need to make a decision about the masters degree now, or can you wait and see how you'll cope?

The other thing (and it's probably not what you want to hear, but I'm going to be honest) is that there is no guarantee that IVF will work, or work fast. And there's certainly an argument for not putting your life on hold while you wait for IVF to work. Again, you don't know whether the first cycle will work or whether (like me) you're going to be sitting here still doing IVF next year.

I hope the brutal honesty hasn't offended or upset you, and I hope you arrive at a decision regarding what to do shortly... I especially hope that my brutal honesty turns out to be completely unnecessary and you are one of the fortunate ones that finds quick success with IVF.

BW

[dusty]

Hi Jules
I think BW thoughts above are spot on.

Everyone is different. For me the first cycle seemed like a breeze and I was busy with work and life and it slotted in on top of it all. The stresses for me came with each subsequent cycle. Not so much the physical but definitely the emotional coping. A close friend of mine does IVF but she keeps very very busy to distract her from what is going on. It works for her.

After 1 year of IVF cycles I have just taken several months off work and moved to the beach to focus on IVF and remove all stresses from my life that I could. But I will probably return to work again soon as I now need a distraction from the IVF! I wont go back to work full time but I want some normality as well as reduced stress.

If you have more than one IVF cycle I think of it as a journey with no guarantees of outcome altho the odds are better as you go along most of the time.

Honestly I would take it one step at a time and see how you are managing. Be honest with yourself, you don't have to be a Wonder Woman as sometimes that is putting too much pressure on yourself.

Good luck with it all - I hope you have success right off the boot and get into those pg threads asap

xx

[slyder]

Jules, our FS simply said this "fortunately, stress does not affect the outcome of an IVF cycle". So if your stress levels aren't astronomical, and you were to take the word of my FS, then I'd suggest you'd be fine at least in that regard.

[Lissie]

Hi Jules,

What BW and Dusty said are completely spot on.
Everyone copes with IVF if different ways and for some it is easier than for others.
I have found that the more i do it the more stressful it has become, i have been under the care of two clinic and 3 doctors and they all agree that stress does not stop you getting pregnant. However it is good to TRY and keep the stress levels down if at all possible. I find the emotional stuff the hardest to deal with, i do suffer from side effect of the hormones and that probably does not make it any easier -all i can say is i hope you are lucky first go or early on and as BW says there are no guarantees and that is probably the hardest thing to deal with, but i do agree with Dusty in saying that i feel your chances increase with time - or at least i hope they do. Wishing you so so so so much luck, and remember there are always counsellors and people to talk to, i encourage you to talk to people whom you feel safe with, i unfortunately have bottled so much stuff up for the past few years and now the lid has exploded - i have now found i am not super woman and i do need to talk to people and i cannot do this all by myself and believe me it helps an awful lot just to talk and get your feelings out there. and to you.

[jules30]

Thanks for your replies. The reason ive taken so long with deciding whether to do ivf is for that exact reason that i know that it could be a long rd with or without success. I am still not entirely happy with that outlook but we have to keep positive and at least try!

Actually my concerns run both ways, i dont want study stress to impact how i cope/do with ivf and on the other hand my course costs $2300 a subject and if i fail i lose that. (have until end of next week to stay or leave without fee penalty). The thing is when i applied for the course last year i didn't think we were going to go ahead with it. But the issue kept coming up and we decided together to give it a go.

So, what you have said about everyone dealing with ivf differently and not trying to be wonderwoman puts things in perspective. I can always defer for a semester or two till i know how i cope with ivf.

I really appreciate everyone's advice, this site has been my only real confidante over the last 10 months. I haven't spoken to anyone, not even sister or mum about ivf in depth and all my feelings.

[M7Missy]

I can always defer for a semester or two till i know how i cope with ivf.

Personally this is what I would do, I would definitely not give up the course entirely. When I did IVF I changed my working life and put study on hold and looking back now it was a huge mistake. Professionally I have really put myself behind the 8 ball and in the last few years I have had to work very hard to rebuild my professional life. (particularly as we where unsuccessful)
Plus it might be good because it might give you something else to focus on if you (god forbid) became a long term IVFer.

Good luck

[farmgirl77]

Hi Jules,

My dh and i are in a similar situation to you. We found out we needed to do IVF while both studing for our masters (but in different areas) part time, and working full time, plus we were building a house. We put IVF off till the house was built and we moved, but decided to start IVF over xmas so that if it worked first cycle, it would be before uni started - great plan, but turned out that we were that busy for our first cycle that we may have well been at uni!

The fresh transfer from our first cycle did not work, and on reflection, while I dont think it was because of anything I did or did not do, I do think that all the other things I was doing meant that I was more tired and emotional and prob not dealing with the emotional side of things as well as I could. We are just about to have our first frozed transfer... and uni is back. Dh and I are both only doing 1 subject per semester (vs the 2 we have been doing) but I will be scaling other commitments back so that I have some space for IVF and study! Also, I found that our FS was really great with medical certs when I needed to take time off (eg after the OPU) - so discuss that with your FS as you may be able to get a med cert to enable you to get an extension on an assignment, or take a days sick leave if you need time, if the IVF is meaning you can not do everthing you would normally. Dont feel guilty - what we are going through is a medical condition and takes a big physical and mental toll, so use your sick leave.

Hope this helps. As you move through you will work out what you can and cant do, but be kind to yourself but life has to keep going...and so must study . Good luck with uni and IVF

FG
PS - my FS did not use a med cert that made it obvious that we were doing IVF - the cert she used was on hosptial letterhead rather than the IVF clinic and she just put something general for the reason. This helps if you have not told work about what you are doing. It is worth talking to your FS about what certs they use if you are concerned about people finding out.

[butterfly_warrior]

They are good like that, Farmgirl. When I need a chunk of time off work I get given a medical certificate that says I'm unfit for work because I'm "undergoing extensive medical testing and hospitalisation". It loosely translates to "BW is not coping right now, leave her alone!"

That said, most of the things that have had me in a state where I'm not coping are the things that don't normally happen for most people undergoing IVF - OHSS, an emotional break down after my first miscarriage and then another complete break down when I knew OHSS was coming again... It could just be a comparison thing - it looks to me that normal IVF wouldn't be that bad, but it's probably only because I've been through much worse. I'm certainly not going to tell anyone they can't find IVF hard just because they haven't experienced as many problems as I have!

BW

[belle333]

Hi Jules

I agree with farmgirl, life will keep going on. I work full time and study at night as well. I had my first EPU cycle in Feb 08 - I ended up dropping one of my subjects. I had the theory that I am moving forward with my studies but also if I didn't get pregnant it would give me something to concentrate on.

Anyway for me the EPU itself was quite difficult and painfull. While everyone's experience is different I decided that I wasn't wonderwoman and dropped a subject. I have had times since EPU that I'm not actually that keen on studying at the moment but will press on. Ohh its such a roller coaster.

Note to self: Just take it as it comes belle, just take it as it comes!

Good luck to you!

[jules30]

I was talking it over with one close workmate who i have confided in about whole ivf thing and she mentioned that her fiance actually deferred uni for 1 year since they were going overseas for 5 weeks, and following that they have their wedding to organise next year.

Here i was thinking that doing ivf wasn't a good enough reason to defer studies! I just have that feeling or silly perception that im giving up or failing myself if i dont juggle it all.

And yes what a Rollercoaster!! We haven't even started it but the the last several months of just deciding to do ivf have been up and down!

[farmgirl77]

To look at it from a positive perspective - it might be easier to study while doing IVF than to study with a young baby, so maybe trying to keep going with the study (if you feel you can), and getting it out of the way is a good thing

Good luck and wishing you lots of

[Chez67]

Hi Jules

I was in the same situation as you last year, having already been half way through the first semester of my masters when it became apparent that we were about to start our first IVF cycle. Looking back on it, I don't think it affected my study or vice versa, if anything the study helped to keep me distracted (I am a bit of a control freak at times!).

At the beginning of this year I was reflecting last year and trying to work out whether to defer for a semester and really put my heart and soul into another cycle or keep going with study. In the end, timing resulted in me continuing with study for a couple of reasons. Firstly I worked out that the earliest we start another cycle would Apri (it is now looking like May) because of waiting to see my FS, waiting to heal after my lap and timing with my period. Consequently, I would be most of my way through the first semester before even starting. Secondly, I didn't want to put everything on hold while trying to get pregnant. Too much of my life has been obsessed about it, to the point of lots of 'what if...' scenarios being entertained about everything, including holidays.

One wise person (thanks Slyder) said last year that you have to live your life even while doing IVF and I realised that I would regret deferring the masters so I am doing one subject, trying not to be wonder woman and not being manic about doing everything perfectly. Of course that is easier said than done, but in the end I want to keep doing what is important to me. We have given ourselves this year and if by the end of it we are not pregnant then at least I will be half way through my masters degree and will accomplished something!!

I hope you can work out what fits best with you.

Take care and good luck.
xx