Bailey

i think th other ladies have said it fantastically. it seems that the most males of the species are put together very much the same. they have a need to "fix" things, and a blind faith that it will just take one try with IVF. they go into it all gung ho, wanting to know every step of the way what is happening, how it works, and what the outcome of each step is. then something goes wrong - in this case your cycle failed. and they KNOW how it works - but they don't know how to fix it. they don't know how to take away the hurt. they don't know how to give you want you want. they don't know how to make it right - so instead of opening up and saying that, they seem to close down. head in the sand. pretend it isn't happening!

it's not easy for those of us going through it. we're living it day in day out. we get to take the meds, feel their effect on our body. we get to have the tests. we are involved, but realistically, until that moment that they're "sample" is needed - they're not involved - and in your case, that's been and done, and he doesn't have to "live" this anymore. in your DH's situation, he might also be feeling like less of a "man" because he's not able to give you a child the way he created his first children. that has to be hard on him - to know a decision he made however many years ago is impacting your lives in such a big way now. it's not necessarily that he doesn't want the cycle to work, he just doesn't know how to MAKE it happen, and that's hard on him.

and being apart makes it even harder. My DH is a truck driver, so not home a lot of the time. our whole relationship is based on phone calls most of the time. and when we're cycling, it's damn hard. i am at home, living a normal life - i go to work, i go for tests, i sweat on the results. i jab myself, i take the pills - all DH has to do is work/eat/sleep - it's not on his mind and in his face all the time - and i know that has changed the way he is involved. he's there for me, don't get me wrong - but if i have an appointment, it's usually not him ringing to see how it went, it's me calling him. it's bloody hard work!! i completely empathise with you

Bailey hun, i don't know what other issues exist in your relationship with your DH, but reading your posts, it seems that there is more to it than just the communication issues with regard to IVF. i guess there comes a point where you have to decide what path you're going to take - do you stay here and continue the IVF indefinitely, not knowing what the future of your relationship holds - or do you travel overseas and spend some time with your DH and work through the other issues. IVF is tough, and can put an immense strain on a relationship. ultimately, i'd hate for it to be the deciding factor in whether your relationship survived.


take care hun, and good luck

BG