Long Term Assisted Conception - May 2008

[butterfly_warrior]

Chez, that's not what I had hoped to read! I'm so sorry.

I'll be around later if you want to talk at all... have a few meetings after work to get through first.

BW

[sonya1]

So sorry Chez. and i was thinking of you today. please take care both of you

i feel guilty talking about my transfer now....

2 embies didnt make it, will know tomorrow if the other 2 made it to freeezing stage as they werent quite blasties today. we had one transfered that had been going really well since day 1. so here's hoping this one FINALLY sticks.

DH really positive, but i am so anxious. this is our fifth transfer (2nd fresh). what if it just isnt meant to be?

oh well.

take care everybody... thinking of you all

[briggsy's girl]

Chez hun, i'm so very very sorry. there is so much i want to say, but none of it appropriate to put in an open forum

i'm thinking of you hun

BG

[Chez67]

Hi everyone

Sonya - please don't feel guilty about your transfer hun. There is nothing for you to feel bad about... it is just bad timing that mine was due the same day as yours. I wish you every success with your embie and hope it snuggles down inside, and I hope your remaining fighters keep growing nicely for the freezer!

Thanks BG & BW - I can always rely on you girls for support when I need it.
xxx

[Megan]

Chez, I am sending you the biggest hug I can manage. I am so so sorry that this has happened. Thinking of you. Look after you and DF.

Sonya, well done on transfer. Here's to an uneventful TWW with a fantastic result at the end.

[slyder]

So sorry to hear that, Chez. It's a cruel process sometimes.

Sonya, good luck and all the best.

BG, sorry to read about the outcome of your recent cycle too.

[Ellie]

Hugs Chez...take care hun...
Everything crossed for you Sonya...
Big hi to everyone else...keeping an eye on you...and hoping xxx

[Hollybolly]

Oh Chez, sweetheart, I am just so, so sorry xxx

There are just no words... but please know that we are all here for you xxx

I'm hoping your appointment with David has helped you plan your next step.
Am thinking of you & you make sure you & DF take care of yourselves

xxxx

[Hollybolly]

Sonya, hun - fantastic news for your little one so far

Am just thrilled for you - Here's to it being the one... I have everything crossed that I am capable of crossing for you!!

Sending lots of positive vibes your way for those other little ones to keep on growing so they can be frozen xxx

[daisy]

Sending you many hugs for you and DF Chez. Totally not fair. XXXXXXXX

Also send you many hugs too BG. XXXXXXXX

A truck load of Sticky Vibes to you Sonya.

I am going to try and pop in here more often. I miss you all. I thought if I had a break and not though of Conception My heart would not break as much. But really I dont think that is possible..
Like Ellie- I am trying to find the courage to do another cycle..........

[briggsy's girl]

daisy - i think this thread is gonna need a truck load of courage to get us all kick started again! i have the truck driver, just not sure where to find that particular item for him to cart...

[Chez67]

Thanks everyone for your wonderful words of support. They really mean a lot to me.

I have decided to take today off work as a mental health day... I am just not up to facing the world at the moment so I have cocooned myself away inside the house. I am really feeling the hurt of this one so much more than the others. It is at this point that I don't even know how I can continue on with this. It is so heartbreaking. I think David was really trying to tell me yesterday that there is a chance of us falling pg but in reality the odds are long, very long, for ladies like me who are 'older'. I am beginning to face the realisation that I will never be a mother and my wonderful, amazing and sexy DF will never be a father But no matter how much I think that there is a chance if we continue with IVF, that won't improve our chances and we will most likely be delaying the inevitable outcome. David tried to talk to us about donor eggs yesterday. That was a conversation that I wasn't ready for - we had gone from amazing news of 4 eggs collected on Friday - our best cycle yet - to donor eggs. I was in shock already from being told no transfer but to have that put on me as well... well let's just say I didn't cope very well. David also said that the embie which was transferred on cycle #2 probably shouldn't have been transferred because it probably wasn't growing properly, just as our last embie had done. I didn't think at the time, but on reflection MIVF told us it was a grade 1 embie - the best possible, so I am having trouble equating what David said and was implying that, despite the protocol used, the outcome was always going to be the same because of my eggs.

But having had 3 hours drive back and most of last night to think about it, even if DF was comfortable with donor eggs (and he isn't) then we don't know anyone who could/would donate. I don't have any sisters. All of my cousins, who I haven't had any contact with for at least 10 years, are my age anyway. And ditto for my friends. One friend did offer, but she is the same age as me and did several cycles of IVF unsuccessfully so the chances of her eggs being better than mine are slim - there are also lifestyle factors to consider which I don't want to get into here, but let's just say she is enjoying being single again and likes a champers or two!

Anyway, I am rambling now. I don't mean to off load all of this on you all but you are the only people I know who will understand what we are going through. Both DFand I were still in shock from yesterday and he has had to go back to Sydney for work today, so we haven't really had a chance to talk about our next move, if any. And the reality is that we cannot continue to push ourselves further into debt in some hope of conceiving. We have a life we want to live; a wedding we want to plan; an overseas trip that we have booked and paid a deposit on next year... but it seems so hard to close this chapter in our lives knowing that "this is it - there is no turning back" so there has to be no regrets. Is that really possible?

[butterfly_warrior]

Chez, I had a feeling that would be the line David would take... he has said similar stuff to the friend of mine that I mentioned before. I'm not really sure what to think at this point - is he jumping to that conclusion way too quickly, or does he genuinely believe it? He has spoken to us before about women who've had 20 or more blasts put back before they get a positive, and encouraged us to keep that in mind and not give up. About the only thing I've got is that making the call to give up completely is such a big thing I wouldn't be doing it without a second opinion... At least talk to your Canberra FS before you decide anything for sure.

I wish I had some answers for you, Chez.

BW

[briggsy's girl]

Chez - i'm with BW - don't make any decisions until you've spoken to your Canberra FS. Hopefully they can give you some more answers. i've been thinking of you today, and i'm glad you've taken a mental health day to get your thoughts in order

i, too, have taken a mental health day - well, i swapped days off, but same thing in my head. i don't have to work again til Thursday, so i'm happier. DH has been able to come home today until tomorrow morning, which is awesome. we went to town to get a new vacuum cleaner, came out with vac, shampooer - and a 12 inch portable DVD player for him! poor fella lives in a truck almost full time so doesn't get too many creature comforts - i can't deny him a DVD player with a screen he can actually see! we also went to buy a roast for dinner - and walked out with a trolley of non-essential shopping, but he stocked up on a lot of stuff that he takes away with him, so he's a happier little vegemite. will be going with him tomorrow for at least a couple of hours - depending on whether he has to load back local tomorrow, i might go down to Melbourne with him too - if not, i'll be going shopping with my aunt and mum - not my fave past time, but i need to pay some money on some lay by's, and if someone else can foot the fuel bill, i'm not going to complain!

still getting some cramping and normal AF type bleeding now - thankfully, the worst of the cramping and clotting has passed. have no idea what our next step is, and to be honest, it's kind of ok with me to not know for now. i need to recover and focus on the here and now - tomorrow is another day...

[daisy]

Chez and BG - a day off would of done you both good. You both do need to take care of you heart.

[Lissie]

Chez,

I am sorry that you are going thru a horrible time right now. When you say older i don't know how old that is - not being nosy. But as you can see from my signature i am no spring chicken. Dh and I tried ourselves but to no avail, oh we had a pregnancy but lost it that was my first, as i am older we too were told do donor eggs. AFter much thought we decided that genes don't necessarily make family - but more so love. So we went the donor egg route - likely a friend who was 35 at the time donated, we did not have time to sit around on waiting lists, we tried but it did not work, again a pregnancy but lost that one too. Then we were told try donor sperm, again this was more of a thought process for DH than for me - i was in the donation mind by now - so we tried donor sperm ( my brother in laws) and did not work. Then we were advised our best chance was to find donor embryos. Well we did not even have to think about it, we both just want a family, we have always been open to adoption, but we felt this might be closer so by the grace of god we found donors almost immediately, i still don't know how we got to be so lucky, someone has been smiling on us i guess. We were given 4 precious blastie embies, as our donors are both very young in their mid twenties, we were told only one to be transferred at a time. We have used 2 already, the last being my latest lose, this one was ectopic we have two chances left and we are not loosing faith just yet. Chez, you have so much to think about, do what is right for you and DF - do what makes you feel good. We have gone thru so much councilling its not funny, we are totally happy and at peace with our decision and so is our donors, whom we still stay in contact with, they are wonderful people. My SIL is 42 and only 6 weeks ago gave birth to twin that were naturally conceived. I know of two other woman that were 45 when they had their last kids, it does happen even to the older ducks. Hang in there.

[Malyna]

Ohh chez honey.. I'm so sorry that it didn't work out. sending you loads of hugs and positive vibes.

[sonya1]

Well i have had 2 days of car related bad luck. yesterday i backed into a tree and wiped out a rear light and then when i pulled in my driveway today a piece of wire at the beginning of my driveway punctured my tyre. my lovely new low profiles on flashy bling bling rims.... so now we have $150 bill for the light and $300 for a tyre. everything happens in three's so i wonder what tomorrow will bring??? i'm hedging my bets on a window or the windscreen....

hope everybody is taking care emotionally and physically.