Any other mums doing IVF

**Visitor9** · January 27th, 2008, 10:02 AM

I started a FET cycle on Friday, today is my first day of injections. Some how all though it would be nice to have another baby the whole emotional side of the thought of being childless seems to make this one better so far LOL. I did say today was first day of hormones by Wednesday I'm sure I'll be a blubbering mess.
Eliza took us alot of cycles so we have decided just to use our FE's and if it isnt meant to be , we are happy.
Love to chat to any other mums that are on there journey to add to there family

**diva det** · January 27th, 2008, 10:13 AM

hey there Bec
i am a mum who does IVF- but having an imposed break at the moment due to finances
I actually found it harder with kids to do IVF and you know what is at stake and what you could miss out on when it doesn't work!!
It took use 3 stim cycles to get our twins and since then have done 3 FET and a stim cycle trying to finish our family. Unfortuntately no embys left on ice - so its a stim cycle when we go again. We got pg on our second last FET but I had a missed/mc at 12 weeks which broke my heart in two
look forward to chatting to you as well
odette

**Visitor9** · January 27th, 2008, 12:28 PM

Odette,
I know what you mean with the finances, somehow we found money no problems last time but this time I keep on thinking OMG IVF, meds and what if I do get pregnant. Oh well it will be found somehow. Eliza was stim No 4 - Fet No 15 !!
There is only 2 cycles for us , have niggling feeling they may not defrost all that well. An issue we havent had before.
I have been pregnant 3 time lost 2 in the second tri with IVF and yes the devistation of losing these special bubs is very heartbreaking.
Scan on Friday...another nice drive to the city
Bec

**lp3535** · January 30th, 2008, 10:22 AM

Hi Bec and Odette,

I'm waiting to start Lucrin for my second stim cycle. Our first one was in Nov/Dec and I got a bfp, but lost it on new year's day. We didn't get any frozen embies, so I'm waiting for the nurses to call me today to tell me when to start the down reg.

I have a son who is almost 5, and we've been trying for another baby for the last four years.

I find that secondary infertility has a whole lot of different issues that come with it. My little man is always asking when he's going to have a brother or sister, particularly when his friends' mums at kinder have babies.

I also have this stress about the age gap being so big, and I have worked out that if I don't get pregnant in the next couple of months, then they won't ever be going to primary school at the same time.

And because infertility is so consuming, I feel like our life has been on hold for the past 4 years, and after we had the miscarriage, I felt like I should just be thankful that I have my son, and get on with life.

We have made the mistake so many times of not doing something, because "by then I should be pregnant", but it's so hard not to.

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a right to post in the other forums when others are trying for their first, so it's good to have other mums to chat to.

Good luck to both of you for your next cycles.

Lisa

**MeredithD** · February 1st, 2008, 07:37 PM

Kim, I think a seperate forum sounds like a great idea.
I haven't been on BB much since the birth of our OI/IUI son 14mths ago but after two recent failed cycles TTC#2, I really feel I need some extra support again.
I was just wondering where I should be posting. With DS I received great support in AC and the TTC after m/c forums. Now, I am not technically TTC after miscarriage and just as you've all mentioned, it feels a touch uncomfortable posting with those desperate for no 1.

I have found my longing for a second child at least equal to that for a first. I know I am soooo lucky to have DS but it doesn't change at all that urge to be a mother again. Its actually all just a bit harder now - the money, trying to get to scans, bloods etc with a toddler in tow. And then, i feel guilty sitting with him at the clinic across from other women who are probably anguished looking at a baby in an IVF waiting room!
Anyway, would love to chat to any other TTC with AC mums.

**Visitor9** · February 1st, 2008, 08:11 PM

Welcome everyone,
I too find it hard to post in LTTTC as I know how I felt as a childless LTTTC or going to the clinic and seeing couples having transfers with children in the waiting room. I think I told DH that I would like to do nasty things to a couple once obviously the hormones were playing up that day

.
Today I had a scan and I have a trigger on Tuesday and transfer Friday, it is all so new but all old iykwim, It seems with children and AI IVF where I would worry about everything and little detail I have no time to do it at the moment. Mum and Eliza came to my appointment today, it was unusual to be sitting at IVF clinic with 4 other women , 3 had children with them including me but mum took DD off to play somewhere else in the building and 1 that had none. I felt for her.

Arghh Puregon is making me tired and sick atm, very low dose but I have tried to keep hormonal imbalance in tact for the past 3 yrs and now it is in full swing and feeling crap with sore BB's and bloated and feel like I want to vomit all the time pmsl. No one feels sorry for me

Merideth: Guee it only seems like yesterday that Logan was at the BB christmas meet as a new newborn, glad to see you are TTC..fingers crossed

Kim: Great idea, wow 11 snowbubs...How long did it take for Hayden to come along? I hear you about the $$$ I have gone back to work part time to fund this even with the rebates but coming up with the initial is the tough part

Lisa: You have had a rough patch, I found it so hard to get over my mc with IVF, it does seem that everything we do reflects how we plan our lives around. DD is 3 and she is getting to the really interested in newborns it is so sweet. I hope you start down regging soon, fingers crossed that this cycle is the one

Oh I waffle too much after having a whinge about being tired I suppose I should go to bed..lol
Bec

**blizz** · February 1st, 2008, 08:24 PM

hi girls,
mind if I join in, I am currently trying for bub no#2 with FET had a scan on thursday but need to go back on monday and will hopefully start testing for LH surge then hopefully a transfer in the next two weeks fingers crossed.
I know what you mean about feeling awkward about posting in other areas.
I've got 4 snowbubs left at the current time after loosing my angel in November at 6/7 weeks

**Visitor9** · February 1st, 2008, 08:30 PM

Allie: Glad you joined us, oohh we are very similar in timings for our FET's you will have to put up with me POAS every day LOL.
How adorable is Paige?
Bec
Still needing to go to bed LOL

**blizz** · February 1st, 2008, 08:34 PM

yep I'm off to bed right now, one glass of wine and I'm cactus, especially on a Friday night after work, will catch you again soon

**Loula** · February 1st, 2008, 10:07 PM

Hi Ladies - i know i haven't got a child yet though IVF and completely understand your reason for wanting a separate forum - and don't take this the wrong way but think it would be good for you all if it means you feel better to share your stories/ journeys there (where you will also understand each other better)

One thing i would like to say is that i value what you all have to say too, and would like to know that you would still post in LTTTC threads and that i would too be able to still support you all in 'the new thread'

I wish you all the very best in your journeys and GL with the new thread (hope to be joining you soon )

**Baby Bliss** · February 2nd, 2008, 05:48 AM

Hi all,

I have a 4 year old son, and have been trying for #2 since he was 5 months old with no success. It has been and on and off journey over that time. We have literally JUST commenced our second IVF/ICSI cycle. Its been a loooong journey, I hope we're nearing the end now!
I found it really difficult when he was home to drag him to appointments, have him see my disappointment and heartache at failures etc. Since he started preschool, it impacts far less so thats a good thing. I find it hard to explain secondary infertility to people. Some have that 'be grateful for what you have' thing... not understanding it is BECAUSE we are so grateful and so enamoured by our son that we want it all again - and want the gift of a sibling for him. its a tricky one.

All the best to you all

**Visitor9** · February 2nd, 2008, 09:16 AM

Kell,
The grateful thing grates on me sometimes although I feel blessed with what we have achieved no one should have the ordasity to presume that it is ok to limit your happiness to one. My MIL was saying how excited she was getting with transfer ( We never told them about our IVF journey till very late in adventure) So really this is her first knowlegeable cycle. My mum on the other hand has witnessed the vomiting in the car on the way home from OPU's and the "drug responses" and is very worried. Not to mention if I do get pregnant as that is another "saga". I suppose that is why I am so content on not pursueing this longer than 2 cycles..LOL well by October I will have done another Stim (me thinks).
Sorry I talk to much it is just that I know you all know what it is like to look into those gorgeous childrens eyes and think we can do it again.

**sushee** · February 2nd, 2008, 02:45 PM

Ladies,

The idea of a separate forum for secondary infertility has been brought up on a few occasions before, the mods have discussed it at length, and still discussing it. But I thought I might share now with you all why I have always been opposed to it.

I am a woman who also suffered from secondary infertility, and while I understand all of you feeling like you shouldn't post in the LTTTC thread because you already have a child/ren, I am concerned about there being a mentality of needing a separation of the 'haves' and the 'have nots'. Infertility is a painful, difficult journey, and one that requires empathy and support no matter your situation. Yes I'm sure you feel fortunate to have a child (as do I) but that alone shouldn't define you and separate you from others going through the same difficulties. Our experiences should be shared, and secondary infertility should not be hidden away as if we have no right to be supported as we should be 'grateful' for what we have. Nor should those who have not yet had a child be made to feel as if they miss out on belonging to yet another section of society. We are segregated enough by our infertility, we don't need more.

If the only obstacle to posting in the LTTTC threads is that you feel you shouldn't be there because you already have had a child/ren, then I can assure you now that if that were the case, I wouldn't still be here. And not once have I ever received a complaint from a LTTTCer without children about a mother posting in the LTTTC forums looking for support. If you are a LTTTCer, than the LTTTC thread is as much your thread as anyone else's, why should you feel awkward?

The only thing you need to respect is not to talk of your kids in the LTTTC threads (and with 95% of BB devoted to all things mothering and parenting, that doesn't seem a big ask) and everyone will get along fine. You can talk of your children in many other places here on BB. But your IVF/AC journeys are pretty much the same as someone with no kids, it's obvious even from the posts in this thread.

As a mother who needed IVF, some of the best friends I made on the site were those who weren't mothers themselves yet. And the idea of any of us being different because we already had kids didn't occur to any of us then, and tbh, IMO, it shouldn't now.

Please PM me if you wish to discuss this futher.

**Willow** · February 2nd, 2008, 03:01 PM

I agree with Sushee, my first experience of IVF was due to secondary infertility and I posted a LOT In the LTTTC/AC threads and I never once felt awkward or unwelcome because I already had one child. I always felt totally supported by the wonderful women on BB.

I hope to maybe do a FET cycle some time in the future and wouldn't hesitate to gain some support from those forums again.

Good luck to all of you - I hope your dreams are fulfilled!

**anney** · February 2nd, 2008, 03:09 PM

Hi girls,
sorry I don't know any of you so I don't want to stick my nose in but I did want to support what sushee said. I have been TTC number 2 for 5 years and a member of BB for 4 years. I started out in the TTC threads as back then it was a small site with no LTTTC or assisted conception threads. Along with sushee I was one of the originals in the LTTTC and assisted conception threads and it was a small group that naturally grew. I am the only original from that group, I think to have not had success. Then it was split out into LTTTC and AC and a long term assisted conception thread then more recently there has been other areas such as older mums and donor conception.
Each time a new area opens it is great and often needed as the original thread is often just getting too big and needs to be split. But each time, I can't help but feel a bit sad as it does tend to "pigeon hole" people and therefore further isolate them from others that are going through very similar things.
Like sushee, I have never heard any LTTTCer without children complain that we are around. and I think we can be valuable as we can give people who haven't been pg a bit of a clue about whether they may be pg. when they get the dreaded 2WW symptoms
But I also understand your need for a place where you can feel free to talk about your kids with people that also are having trouble getting another child. Maybe this type of thread is the place to do it, rather than a permanent separate thread.

**Visitor9** · February 2nd, 2008, 04:01 PM

Have I done the wrong thing by posting re mums doing IVF, I need somewhere I can talk about me lol and the impact it is having not only on DH but on DD.
I never complained about mothers talking about there venture to add to their family BUT I thought some horrible thoughts towards them.

**sushee** · February 2nd, 2008, 04:13 PM

Bec G,

you haven't done the wrong thing, you weren't to know it's been discussed before. I understand that as a person who previously had not had a child, you probably did think horrible thoughts about mums who were suffering with secondary infertility, but I'd like to think now you've already had Eliza, you'd know it's as hard struggling with secondary infertility as it is with primary infertility.

I won't say that in the darkest of hours, someone with no kids might feel like we have no right to complain, but I don't think that's fair or correct, and more than that, I don't think we should promote that perception. And I would not like to think that they see us as belonging to a 'club' they are yet again excluded from. When we intergrate, we find more things in common than differences, in my experience. Like anney said, every time we split the LTers, we get more isolated, and less sympathetic to each other. Sometimes it's necessary, but often it's not for the best.

I understand that you may wish to discuss the impact of IVF on your DD, but a thread specifically about that may be more suited than a thread that separates the IVF mums from the IVF childless.