Just wanted to add that I don't handle other people's babies and pregnant bellies at all.
Am supposed to be catching up with a group of friends in a couple of weeks. One has a toddler and recently announced her 2nd pregnancy. Another has a 3 mth old. And I have a feeling the 3rd is going to announce her pregnancy that day. I've decided, like others above, that I'm not going. I don't want to put myself in that uncomfortable situation and I also don't want to be the dampener on what should be a happy occasion for the others. It's certainly not their fault they are fertile and I'm not. Sigh.
In a way it is nice to hear that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Oh it's hard, isn't it. I find some days a lot easier than others. I was at a BBQ a couple of weeks ago and half the girls were pregnant, and the other half had kids, and there were only three of us without. But I handled it ok, however this morning - on my way to the clinic - there was the most adorable little boy making faces at me, and his mum gave me a huge "isn't my child gorgeous" smile, and I just looked straight through both of them.
I walked behind them to wait for the lift, and he swiveled around to look at me and I swear I almost started crying. His Mum then scolded him to stop staring at me. I'm sure she thought I was some hideous child-hater, but I just couldn't look at him because he was so damn cute and I knew I would cry.
oh ladies, I totally understand and am exactly the same (hence this post!). Sorry it's so hard.
I am not close with my sister in law, and met her little daughter, now 8 months, for the first time last week...i was worried about how I would be...but surprised both myself and DH because I handled it well, and didn't feel too badly afterwards.
Like you have all said, our responses really can vary quite a lot. Only weeks ago I had to leave the table at a work lunch and go into the ladies room to regroup when a lady who had been on maternity leave walked in with her baby for everyone to cuddle.
amaryllis...love the name! ... I do EXACTLY the same!!! sometimes I barely glance and actually avoid all eye contact etc etc around wee ones out and about, other times I must feel more secure and in a 'happy place' and I can enjoy the wonder that is a little being without anything more than a wistful afterthought when i walk away.
Possums..I feel for you re. the lady coming in with her baby...sometimes it just throws us hey? I wish there was a higher level of understanding amongst the sisterhood out there that it's not easy for all, and sometimes it's damn hard for some of us to share others' happiness...but there's flippin' good reasoning behind it. I for sure know, that I apologised to my girlfriend because way back in my 20s (), she told me she was trying and whenever I saw her I asked if she had any news for me. If I knew an eighth then what I know now I'd not have done that to her or anyone else I may have inadvertantly upset re. the subject of having children. As it turns out, she was blessed with 2 pretty close together and had her 3rd last year.
oh absolutely...hindsight...I have been guilty before my losses of saying the dreadful comment "it obviously wasn't meant to be..blah blah"...noone ever wants to hear that. All people want is understanding that its awful and a hug.
i have also been guilty of saying nothing when i didnt know what to say. another bad move. say something that shows you care. when my friends say nothing i feel hurt.
anyway, I guess we are more sensitive understanding people now!
I totally hear where you're coming from. I went to a 2 year old birthday party last week and a very large proportion of the mum's there with 2 yr olds were due to have another in the next few months. It's so hard!!!
The thing I try to hold at the forefront of my mind is something I read in the paper recently from a chinese accupuncturist who said that you should try to encourage into your life that which you seek or wish for yourself. Easier said than done sometimes, but I'm trying to work with that idea at present.
Hi girls, I'm in a slightly different situation to most of you, but similar in that I know I'm ready for a baby but can't do it yet. (waiting for the all-clear to TTC again after a molar preg)
I find general preg bellies around the place not so bad, although they seem to draw my eye more than they used to. People I know are a bit harder; at lest with strangers, you can imagine that they've had a battle far worse than your own, and that's their miracle, and that maybe your own miracle is out there somewhere.
Friends who are just having a baby to try and save their relationship, or who have massive credit card debt, and breed anyway are a lot harder to deal with.
Our counsellor gave me some great advice as far as dealing with friends, which is to tell people what you need before an event. So I do. I give the host a phone call beforehand, and say "Here's what's happened/where I'm at. If I have to leave early/step outside/whatever, it's not because I'm not having fun, I just don't want to ruin your night."
Once I've done that, I find it takes the pressure off me trying to make things seem normal, and put everyone t ease by over-acting that everything is OK. Which was really draining. But this way I fare a lot better.
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the tears came.
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