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Thread: couple of questions

  1. #1
    ~Jane~ Guest

    Default couple of questions

    hi again

    Just wondering if any of you have had success with your partner seeing a naturopath for sperm problems.



    I am seeing a great naturopath for my endometriosis and pcos and since we found out that dh also has some problems we have thought this might be worth trying.

    The other thing I am curious about is how everyone deals with their family and partners families. We are booked into see the IVF specialist in Feb and I have told my Mum, and she was supportive for perhaps half a day and that was about it. I also mentioned it to one friend and she wasn't supportive at all and went on to tell me about how fertile she is. Seeing that we are in for the long haul, I dont want everyone on "baby watch" or asking lots of questions but some support would be nice, I guess I dont know what to do. My mother-in-law asks a million questions if you have a cold and I think telling her would be too much, also she is a terrible gossip and would not respect our privacy.

    I would be interested in hearing how you all coped with this.

    Cheers

    Jane

  2. #2
    sararms Guest

    Default

    Hi j-girl

    I'm sorry I can't comment on the naturopath issue. My husband has a low sperm count and reduced motility due to being born premature. Our consultant has simply said that there is basically nothing they can do but since he is producing sperm all is not lost thanks to icsi.

    As for telling people I think everyone can probably say they are an expert. I chose to avoid telling everyone because I didn't want people constantly asking me if it had worked yet. I think basically people mean well and that's why they sdk all the time. I told one excellent friend who happened to have had a spell of infertility herself as well as a miscarriage so when I do approach her, she has some form of unserstanding.

    As for family this can be a problem area. My mom is great... most of the time. She never asks me if it has worked or pries too much. She tries to keep me positive. All of this is good. On the bad side I sometimes feel I am responsible for how she feels about all this. She gets upset because there is basically nothing she can do to help. I don't think this can be avoided. After the first failed attempt when she was far too in my face we came up with an agreement. We would only talk about it when I brought it up. She would act primarily as a listener and would not try to offer too much advise unless asked and NEVER say, "i understand". I know this must sound like I'm awful to her. I promise I'm not, but there were some days when I just didn't want to talk and she felt she had to ask how I was feeling. Having a "system" has meant I son't have to tell her to shut up. I'm not suggesting you use my set up, but talking to family members about what's ok to talk about stops them from feeling uncomfortable and therefore takes the pressure off you.

    I think you have to tell someone, just so you don't feel alone, but honestly, I'd avoid anyone you don't think you can trust. Don't risk it unless you decide to be totally open and tell everyone you know about your infertility. By telling someone you don't trust 100% you have to accept that other people you may not even like will know your business. I have had my fingers burnt in that very way.

    As for the insensitive. Accept it. People don't know what to say and say things that are totally inappropriate. I have a friend who told me how fertile she was as well. Now I don't talk to her about it. I find we can get along just fine without me being crushed by something she has said and she clearly doesn't want the burden of being a shoulder to lean on.

    I'm sorry for all the boring reading material. I hope it helps a little bit. Good luck. [-o<

  3. #3
    suze375 Guest

    Default

    Hey there,

    I don't usually post on this forum but I was just reading through and came across this topic - I hope you don't mind me posting.

    Although I cannot say I understand (we have only been ttc for a short period of time) I wanted to say what a great reply the last post was and I wholeheartedly agree. I thought it was a really honest and supportive response.

    I do think it is important for you to have someone to speak to and think that setting some realistic ground rules would be helpful too for both you and the other person. I suppose on the one hand it does sound quite structured but on the other it gives you a sense of control and as the last poster said, avoids the other person feeling uncomfortable and you feeling under pressure.

    I hope things work out for you. Apologies if I have upset anyone by butting in!

    xx

  4. #4

    Join Date
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    Default

    Hi Jane.
    My DH and I have been trying to conceive for about 18 months now.

    Dh's sperm has quite a high abnormal rate but is not terribly bad.

    Our naturopath has put him on a multivitamin tablet to take once daily as well as vitamin c and biozinc tablets.

    all of these are fantastic in helping sperm...along with a well balanced diet and replace alcohol with water.

    my DH also feels much better too

    Hope this helps
    Danni
    P.S i am going to see the ivf place on feb 10th although i really dont want to go. I am hoping i am pregnant before then....

    please do not tell everyone about it as it gets too hard. just tell who you are comfortable with----my MIL has no idea we are ttc cos she is so insensitive and a huge blabber mouth

  5. #5
    ~Jane~ Guest

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    Danni, you sound like me, I am trying my hardest to get a BFP before feb as well. I ovulate next week, well I should say I will be mid cycle next week (whether I ov or not is another story).

    I haven't officially told anyone we have been ttc but I think most have assumed due to our age (both in the 30's) and the fact we have been married for 4 years. MIL hints for information on a regular basis but I ignore her and anyone else who is rude enough to ask.

    I think that keeping it under wraps is wise and I am glad I have only told Mum and one other friend.

    Sarams, I dont think you are awful at all. I think the reason I have held off saying anything to anyone is basically an instinct that they wont know how to react and it sounds as though it is quite a common problem. I guess you cannot control what other people say or who they chose to tell these things so it is better not to go down that road at all.

    Thank heavens for this forum

  6. #6

    Join Date
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    My DH has low motility and therefore we did icsi IVF, I chose to tell a few close friends who I had explained before that "Babies" subject was ok to talk about if I initiated it and that worked well no did it work? Have you tested? My mum was very much like Sara's supportive but still to this day has no idea the logistics or why we did IVF, how much or how many.
    We did however fall into a hole when I did get pregnant only to miscarry at 16 weeks and my DH parents didn't know. So I ended up sobbing one day trying to esplain that this hurt a whole lot more because of IVF.
    But in saying that they wanted to pay for the next cycles and we didn't want them too. MIL also wasn't all that familiar with IVF and thought we were using donor, erghh so then we had to explain.
    Trust your instints it is hard to go it alone with DH, sometimes you need to vent about them!!
    I wish you all the best and hope all these appointments will have to be cancelled due to a inflation of pregnancy's
    Bec

  7. #7

    Join Date
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    Hi J-Girl,

    We saw a IVF specilist 3 years ago who told us that DH had a low sperm count. ( I also have pco). Before going ahead with the IVf we saw a naturpath for 2 years. DH was put on a multi vitamin, zinc tablets and has to drink some of the herbal liquid we were given. ( I have no idea what was in it.) Anyway after 2 years witht he naturpath we gave up and went back to the IVF clinic. DH sperm count had not changed at all. So I really think that the naturpath works for some people and not for others.

    As for family and freinds. I really think to just go with your heart. DH told MIL so she drove me crazy. In the end I just told her I did not want to talk about it. She no longer asks me questions.
    As for friends I really would keep it to a few that you can trust. You do really need someone to talk to. But sometime needing support from freinds and getting it are 2 different things.
    After I lost my first baby I had a freind who I told as I really thought she would understand, kept ringing me and asking me when I would try again. I kept telling her It was too early to decided but that did not stop the phone calls. In the end I told her that I decided to wait until November to try again. Everyone else excepted that we had not any plans to go ahead. So the next 2 IVF cycles were so much better. I had half the stress with them, and when I did fall pregnant again most only found out when I lost the baby. This time I have had no more questions.
    I start IVF cycle no.5 on Jan 7th. So far we have not told family. I really feel it is the answer for me.

    I hope this has been some help.
    Good Luck!!!!!!

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
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    Hi J Girl,

    I saw a naturopath too but not in relation to DH so can't help you with that one, unfortunately. I have to say though that I got my DH onto vitamins and zinc etc (similar to what you have described) and the resulting improvement in his health was astounding so it was well worth the effort in that way (he's not as conscientious about eating fruit and veg as me). Hope it helps you a bit.

    Re telling people ... I think it can be very much a case of horses for courses. Some people you know will be great and very supportive and others ... well it's hard to say. I guess just follow your instincts, particularly if as in Sara's case, you know someone is going to be a bit of a problem either because they can't stop themselves talking to others or offering unwanted advice.

    I took a policy of being very open with work, family and friends. It worked for me but I'm aware that it doesn't for everyone. I didn't talk endlessly about infertility/IVF but if someone asked, I told them. I found it kept the snoops away and sometimes it opened doors with other people in a way that was unexpected and rather nice.

    In the end, it depends on your feelings about your situation and the people around you so just follow your instincts and you can't go wrong I think.

    Cheers,

    Mel

  9. #9

    Join Date
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    Initially go with telling whoever you feel comfortable with telling. After a short while you will know who not to tell next time. :-k
    I never tell anyone at work. A few number of friends now, but they are TTCing too so that helps. And there is always sites like this one, which provide great support and understanding.

    Good luck. O

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