Do you find this insulting?

[~ Mylitta ~]

Kelly, i know this topic has gone off point from what you started it out as, and i'm sorry if i have contributed to that in any way. i am just passionate about making sure people understand this from the POV of a long termer...

I thought that the majority of posts in this thread were great. It's obvious that people have some very strong opinions on this topic, and for the most part, I thought everyone was debating in an extrememly mature manner. I want to thank everyone for making this thread very enjoyable to read, thought provoking, and for teaching those of us that don't know much about IVF more about the procedures, details and emotions involved.

Kelly, I don't think that the journalist should feel bad at all about the responses that were posted. There are some great responses that I think really encompass the entire issue. I understand if she no longer wants to run the article, but I think that an article could actually highlight some of the "unknowns" about IVF to the general public.

[barney]

BG & BW.. just, thank you for having your say as some of us dont feel comfy enough doing this and you both couldnt have said things on this topic better and i agree in saying unless you have actually been through ivf then sometimes people just dont get IT!!

[sushee]

No LIz, that's not what I meant, so I'll clarify.

There have been posters here who have said that they feel that there is no reason for an IVFer to feel legitimately upset, insulted, annoyed, whatever, by something like this. These posters, I feel, are the ones who are ignorant of the kind of pain and depth of despair that comes with long term infertility.

I voted that I was not offended either, so no, of course I didn't mean if you voted that you were not insulted, that you were ignorant of the pain of IVF.

*snap* BG, ditto.

[Liz]

hmm.. ok. Feels like it's a bit of a battle of words more than anything tho, because I didn't read those posts as saying that no-one has the right to feel insulted, but rather not understanding how people can feel personally insulted by other people's decisions on how they conceive.

I guess, again, it's all about personal experience how to take what things are said. I'm not an IVFer so dont' necessarily have an emotional response to these posts.

[sushee]

On the outside, it seems easy enough to say 'why should anyone care how anyone else conceives'? Or to wonder why anyone would be insulted. But to a long term IVFer, to whom the world can sometimes seem full of injustice, to hear that a fertile couple, by virtue of their money or their status, would use IVF for the sake of the 'fashion statement' of having twins, would and does upset. These are people who would give their right arm to be so lucky as to have one child naturally, who wish they would never have had to undergo IVF. For them to see IVF used as a matter of convenience and vanity, trivialises the very real, very raw journeys many IVFers are going through.

So yes, I imagine it then upsets them to hear people telling them that they have nothing to be upset about, because they do have a legimate reason for being upset.

ETA I don't think even one LTer who's posted in this thread is concerned by anyone who voted that they were not insulted by this topic. In fact, many (including me) voted that they weren't insulted. But when it is suggested that those who voted that they were insulted should perhaps 'concentrate on their own lives', 'not concern themselves with what others are doing' or that it's 'bizarre' that they would be insulted, that's an attack on their very personal reaction borne out of their difficult circumstances. I don't blame them for being upset. I'm upset on their behalf.

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

I'm not insulted but I don't agree with it either, for all the reasons that have already been said. If there's a natural alternative, it seems frivilous to use a difficult medical method, though it sounds to me like anyone who WOULD do that probably isn't informed on the reality of it (such as the fact that it doesn't guarantee a twin pregnancy). I can completely understand how one would be insulted if they'd been through IVF. It must be awful to go through that, particularly if it's been a difficult journey, and then see others doing it for no real reason. I don't think that fertile couples should have access to fertility treatments no matter how big their bank balance. The other thing is, I don't agree with someone deliberately having twins because of the extra complications that can arise.

[Baby Angels]

I have read through opinions and as someone who has been through IVF resulting in twins who didnt make it through the pregnancy and I am about to go again even though it is the most gut renching thing to do and physically changes you...... I am still not insulted by someone who can naturally conceive using it to have twins. My only thought would be.... why would you deliberatly put yourself through something that years later you are still trying to recover from.... wouldnt it be easier to have 2 natural pregnancies....... I ve done that too... and I know which option I would go with IF i had the option which i no longer do.

In My Opinion...... as long as the children are loved and cared for.