Hi Teagan
I am currently in the position you hope to be in. Reading your story I felt I was reading my own. =D>
My ex-husband and I tried unsuccessfully TTC from 1990 - 2001. We went our separate ways, he has since remarried. I turned 40 and tripped off overseas for a month. I too have had another relationship but with no future attached to it. I will turn 43 next month. On my 42nd birthday I made the final decision (after giving it serious thought for the 3 years after my separation) to embark on this journey alone. I am financially secure, have a stable job (as stable as any can be), am very comfortable in my own skin and love my life and my home. I could go on about that but won't bore you. I have very strong thoughts on bringing a child into a 'couple's' home where that home is less than happy. :smt062
Anyway, I approached IVF Australia in October last year. They have a clinic on the Central Coast. 15 years ago I was with SIVF and the travelling was difficult. In those days more visits to the clinic were required. I used to have to start work in Gosford at 8am. I'd be on the front door step at their clinic in O'Connel street at 6am and then have to rush for the train to make it to work on time. Anyway, I had done my research on the internet before my appointment with IVF Australia. I too, was told ART for single women is OK but Medicare would not fund it because it was considered I wanted to access ART for "social" reasons. If ever there was a ridiculous expression it's that one. I would have been around $14,000 out of pocket - out of the question for me. I have to be very careful not to get on my :soapbox: here, otherwise this post will take 3 hours to read!!! Anyway, I explained where I stood ie. would the government prefer I go out, sleep around and spread disease etc etc? Dr Frank Quinn put it to their Ethics Cmte and I had a phone call at 6pm that night saying I could claim Medicare as I had a history of infertility and endometriosis. My next step was to attend counselling with Lesley in Chatswood. A lovely lady. That went well. I then sat on my hands until the government starting making noises a few months ago about slashing funding for IVF. Women over 42 being restricted to only 1 attempt (I think). Well, that put a rocket up my undies and I pulled my finger out (so to speak).
At that time, there was only 1 donor. IVF Australia now have 3 - but only 1 who can be accessed as the straws from the other 2 are being kept for previous recipients. I think that's the current status. I have an A4 sheet of paper which describes my donor - eye colour, interests, medical history, family medical history etc. It's only one page but I have to admit, I never knew my ex's family medical history!!! From memory of what Dr Quinn told me, clinics could previously ask donors if they objected to their sperm going to single/lesbian couples. Apparently that caused discrimination problems so that question had to be removed. I think it is considered that a lot of donors only want their sperm to go to couples and because they can no longer request that, they are unwilling to donate at all. That appointment was 12 months ago though so it may have changed. If anyone out there knows more, please let me know.
Anyway, I could go on and on about this subject but won't. I have only told some close friends (3 of which either live overseas or interstate), my sister (who lives 3 hours away) and a couple of very supportive mates here. That's why I am SOOOOO happy to have found this forum. My boss knows but went on leave 2 weeks before my transfer. I've had to sneak out for blood tests, ultrasounds etc by saying I have a medical appointment and getting a very serious look on my face so nobody asks what they're for. My trip to and from the hospital for EPU was an exercise in perserverance. I got there in the end. It is an interesting journey on your own, but it all works out.
My ex and I had 4 ART attempts - it took me 2 years to even get him to an appointment. We also tried many, many natural therapies. He was never a willing participant - I now look back and think it was just nerves and not being able to control the result that got to him. I am much more relaxed this time as there is just me in my home with no added stress. Yes, I'd love to have a partner to share it with but just simply don't have any more time to spend looking for one who will understand!!!
I am on an ICSI cycle. I had my EPU on 11/8, my ET on 13/8 and will have my B/T on 29/8. I am 10 DPO. AF will not set foot on my front doorstep!!!!! I ended up with 2 eggs and 1 embryo - no frosties for me. I have a lot riding on this, with one income, I just don't know if I can afford another shot at it!
Teagan I am always here if you need/want to talk about this. So far, I have not felt totally alone in this journey. You really do need some genuine buddies who do support you and understand. I have 1 friend I considered a close one who has not contacted me at all since I began my cycle. She cannot accept that I want to bring a child into the world who may never know it's father. It's my belief that there are a lot of children in unhappy homes who are worse off. Be very careful who you tell while you are going through your cycle, there are still a lot of people who simply will not understand that undying need to have a child. You don't need to be confronted with ignorant, small-mindedness which may cause you stress during that time. I'm still happy and confident about this decision but I don't know how common this quest of ours is!!!!
Good luck, please let me know how you go???
Sue
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