Feeling left behind in the TTC 'race'

**MummyNaomi** · June 2nd, 2011, 11:51 PM

Tonight I went to dinner with by best friend (and Maid of Honour). We both have one child and have shared similar journeys with marriage, babies etc - apart from the journey to get pregnant as DH and I had to go down the IVF path.

I told her we are currently TTC and looking to revisit the IVF path a bit later in the year if nothing happens. She then told me her and her DH are TTC......Wonderful right?

WRONG!!! Although I said all the right things and gave encouragement, feigned excitement for her etc, inside my head I am feeling like "Nooooo, not ANOTHER person who will again fall pregnant before me" and then feeling like a fraud and the worst friend in the world for feeling like this............

She's my best friend, surely I should feel genuine excitement for her rather than make it all about ME!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhh!!!! I HATE HATE HATE all the irrational thoughts and feelings that come with fertility issues. Why does TTC HAVE to be this hard? Why cant I fall pregnant as soon as I TTC like the rest of the world seemingly can............???

***sigh***

The point of my post is just to blurt it out so I can stop beating myself up!!

***sigh***

**Lily Dust** · June 3rd, 2011, 08:30 AM

Deep down hun, you are happy for her but that doesnt mean that your heart is breaking for the baby that you want. Its hard when others seem to get what they want so easily when you have to fight tooth and nail to get there

You aren't a fraud, you're just a normal person struggling with the awful TTC and IVF rollercoaster. Dont beat yourself up

**onthefly** · June 3rd, 2011, 05:11 PM

sucks to feel tht way, doesn't it?

**MummyNaomi** · June 3rd, 2011, 08:13 PM

sucks to feel tht way, doesn't it?

Yep!! But no matter how I try to rationalise it (with myself

) I just cant change the way I feel

DOH

**Santosha** · June 3rd, 2011, 08:27 PM

You're allowed Hun. Give yourself room to feel whatever you need to. I'll be over here doing the crazy-baby-dust dance for you if you need me, K?! Sending you every vibe, prayer and wish that this TTC journey is a short one for you. Huuuuge hugs.

**Miss.B** · June 3rd, 2011, 08:40 PM

Oh hunni, big big hugs for you lovely

. I feel exactly the same. We had to go down the IVF path too, and although it has given me the most amazing gift, twice, I am very sad some days that I couldn't conceive my babies naturally. Every time I hear that a friend is TTC, I always feel that they will announce they are pg, like yesterday!! lol, while I have to wait till I can do another round. What do you do???? I just have to remind myself time and time again that I am sooooooooo lucky to have gotten pg both times I have attempted IVF, whereas some women try for years and nothing. I truly feel for them and wish they could at least get pg with IVF than not get pg at all.

GL hunni, I hope it happens for you quickly (and naturally!)

**onthefly** · June 3rd, 2011, 08:43 PM

It's not rational, that's why!
I wish it would go away too. I have two babies for goodness sake! Must start appreciatingwonderfulthingsinmylife and stop thinkignaboutwhatIcan'thave

**RhiChiChi** · June 3rd, 2011, 08:55 PM

Oh I hear ya! I am truly happy when family & friends annouce their pg, particularly ones I know whom have struggled but that doesn't mean I can't feel sad, angry or whatever.

You aren't a fraud and you shouldn't stop feeling how you do - I think it is healthy to vent & you can't feel upbeat all the time. It reminds me of a Seinfeld episode where this guy was upbeat all the time & his motto was 'serenity now' - he was actually mad (crazy) and other people that used that saying went crazy too!

I think if we were always upbeat we would be doing the wrong thing by our emotional well being. For me, I feel, vent, acknowledge those feelings etc... then I tell myself I can't change things that happened in the past. I tend to feel better & my anxiety levels have come down. It might be worth trying to find after your vent or have a low moment, what you can do to then feel better - for me it's yoga & breathing. I hope this makes sense.

**Lily Dust** · June 3rd, 2011, 08:57 PM

Must start appreciatingwonderfulthingsinmylife and stop thinkignaboutwhatIcan'thave

OMG MadB so Im not the only one who feels that way?!?!

I think alot of emotional scarring is left for along time, maybe even forever after LTTTC

. Somedays you can be totally at peace with it all but then another pregnancy announcement and it brings back all those feelings.

**peanutter** · June 3rd, 2011, 09:15 PM

mega hugs, duckie.

I know what you mean just from my own position - let alone facing another possible IVF process.

But I understand that irrational **arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!** feeling, and will vent alongside you ...

What you're feeling is completely valid, and does not make you a bad friend or a bad person. It's incredibly selfless that you're putting your friend's feelings first, by saying all the right things when it hurts.

Hopefully she'll be able to see how good a friend you are, and that she'll cool it off a bit, and support you in just the right way, too

**Miss.September** · June 3rd, 2011, 10:49 PM

And this is what makes you an incredible person and an amazing friend.

Big

Shout from the rooftops if you want. It's unfair. Totally unfair. We wish it was different for you guys. You're incredible parents.

**MummyNaomi** · June 26th, 2011, 07:51 PM

"Nooooo, not ANOTHER person who will again fall pregnant before me"

Aggghhh Crap - she's pregnant, one month trying and BAM she's up the duff!!

We went out to the movies on Friday night and she told me, I am VERY happy for her, but man it sucks! After saying all the right things, sharing her excitement etc etc I bawled all the way home DOH!!!

**Saffy** · June 26th, 2011, 07:57 PM

That is unbelieveable, you poor darling, mega hugs and understanding from me xxxx

**~TT40~** · June 26th, 2011, 08:17 PM

massive hugs Naomi!! I have nothing to say except I feel every little bit of your pain. Its not fair and boo to her!! but at the same time, yay for her getting pg. all those feelings don't mean you don't care. It means you do care! seriously...in a weird twisted unfair crappy way. *hugs*

**Lily Dust** · June 26th, 2011, 08:20 PM

oh hun

thats hard to deal with

and LTTTC isnt fair and isnt rational so dont beat yourself up trying to make sense of it

**onthefly** · June 26th, 2011, 08:26 PM

**minniemouse** · June 26th, 2011, 08:36 PM

that is so hard to deal with

for you, a close friend of mine has fallen pregnant first time every time for 4 times now, she will have have had 3 babies since my DS was born and im still trying

i hope you have your own good news soon

***TripleJ*** · June 26th, 2011, 08:36 PM

xoxoxoxo

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