Tonight I went to dinner with by best friend (and Maid of Honour). We both have one child and have shared similar journeys with marriage, babies etc - apart from the journey to get pregnant as DH and I had to go down the IVF path.

I told her we are currently TTC and looking to revisit the IVF path a bit later in the year if nothing happens. She then told me her and her DH are TTC......Wonderful right?

WRONG!!! Although I said all the right things and gave encouragement, feigned excitement for her etc, inside my head I am feeling like "Nooooo, not ANOTHER person who will again fall pregnant before me" and then feeling like a fraud and the worst friend in the world for feeling like this............

She's my best friend, surely I should feel genuine excitement for her rather than make it all about ME!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhh!!!! I HATE HATE HATE all the irrational thoughts and feelings that come with fertility issues. Why does TTC HAVE to be this hard? Why cant I fall pregnant as soon as I TTC like the rest of the world seemingly can............???

***sigh***

The point of my post is just to blurt it out so I can stop beating myself up!!

***sigh***