Friends and Family Supporting LTTTCers

[Reborn]

My sister has been trying for a long time. I think it almost killed her when I got pg. Considering I never really wanted to have kids. But I think it's made us closer now. She calls up to find out how I felt when I first got pg and compares it to how she's feeling. I know she'll get pg eventually. She's too good a person to not.

Some days she cant stand talking to me or seeing my son but others, she needs to see him and hug him. I'm more than happy to pass him to her because she looks so beautiful with him. It gives her renewed strength I think.

I've offered to carry her baby for her but we both know it wouldnt be the same. It wouldnt be the same bond. But I want her to know I'm always a last option. I told her I would when we first found out it would be hard for her to concieve and carry to full term. I'm still more than happy to do it for her. I'll even put up with her husband talking to my belly. She deserves to be a mummy.

[Tegam]

Waiting....so nice you can be there for your sister. I know that i couldnt offer that sort of support to anyone as i just know i couldnt give that baby back at the end of a pregnancy.

BG: Thanks for your long response. Really what you are saying is not really new to me. I have done all the above and yes sometimes it works. I asked this forum to be started in a way because I just needed somewhere i could vent my frustration at the situation. My DH and i had such a hard time with my SIL i called my sister who ad only just started the process and stated that i was there for her, whatever she wanted. Whether that was me involved and talking about it or not. So she said yes yes i need to be able to talk to you, then the next time we are talking she is angry and yelling to me about how unfair it is that i know what she is doing and she has lost the chance to tell people the happy news that she is 10weeks! Well i cant change the fact that she told me when they were going to implant. OR my sil that came to our house, we new she had been implanted, she had said she didnt want to talk about it at the time so when we didnt hear we assumed that it didnt work. Then she came to our house and stayed 3 days, didnt eat any white cheese, didnt drink but was all quiet and reserved.....so DH knows something had happened, knows his parents know, knows his other sister know but knows we arent allowed to ask. We were left wondering, was she, wasnt she, had she been and she had lost one???? So 6 weeks later she rings and tells DH she is 10weeks and wonders why DH just couldnt be 100% with her.......

I guess i fell that you are right somedays hearing about my kids kills her. But I have a life to and the kids are a big part of it and somedays it kills me not to be able to talk to my sis of sil about that stuff IYKWIM. LTTTC is an everyday thing and everyone is on eggshells because you dont know if its a good day. But after 6years of this in my family, when do i get to share the joy of my family, or when can it be ok that a mum has a bad day too and might need to vent????

I guess all i just want to do somedays is scream, i dont really care if they are pregnant or not, if they are trying this month or not. It wont really make a difference to my life either way......BUT I LOVE THEM and I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY, thats the only reason I can hang in there. I would do anything to give them their dream but please stop the hot/cold relationship with us?????

BG: I am also honest with them and myself. I really have no idea what its like to go through what they are. But its like others that havent had a m/c, when they offered me their support, i new they didnt know but it didnt mean that it wasnt nice they tried????

Again hard not to come across as a B^&%H but this is meant to be a thread that allows that and not somewhere that LTTTC'ers get upset about hearing the other side. I real alot of the TTC threads, just trying to get a better understanding of what its like and i dont reply there when i feel that they are being unjust to some friend or relative that "would have not idea what its like"...

Hope no one is upset at me.

[briggsy's girl]

please don't think i was saying you can't let it out - having been on both sides of the fence i so get that! it's damn hard to be excited or frustrated about something in your own life and have to walk on eggshells and not share it. i guess at some point you need to work out whether you are going to get the support you need from those members of your family, or whether you need to get that from other mothers and stuff. unfortunately, some families (whether going through ltttc or not) just aren't the support you need (which i know sucks big time) and you find that support on communities like BB, through mothers groups etc... it's hard when it comes to that, and i know that ltttc can impact on relationships, but at the same time, it's not always from ltttc - some people just don't have the capacity to be supportive!

[Reborn]

Tegam it sounds like your doing all you can. I agree it's not right you have to walk on egg shells. You should be allowed to tell everyone about how your children are developing. I know its hard for LTTTC but when they eventually do get pg, they would yell it to the world. Every mother has the right to brag. You sil should just be happy for you. It's not ALL about HER struggle. I know I'm sounding heartless again but as far I'm concerned everyone needs to make allowances for everyone. Its a 2 way street.

I can tell you now it hurts me that my sister is having troubles but at the same time I know she would be upset if she missed any achievment my ds made. She'd feel excluded.

Sometimes you cant win Hang in there

[alioops]

*pg and children mentioned*

My sis was on the cusp of being classed as LTTTC when she fell pg with my beautiful niece. Seeing her struggle month after month with bfns and then having to tell her that we were having a surprise baby (I later found out that AF had just arrived too) tore me up. It was then that I decided that I wanted to do whatever I could to help someone else realise their dreams. After I have finished BFing this baby I plan to donate my eggs.

I do like to support the LTTTC girls on here, and many of them know that I plan on being an ED. I try hard to be supportive without rubbing salt into the wounds, and I hope beyond all hope that I am succeeding in that. I trust that the LTTTC girls will let me know if I have overstepped the mark, and I am very aware of the feelings they feel when they get another bfn, but not having been there I haven't felt them to the same degree. I also stuggle when I am talking to them while they are pg, because I worry that I may say something that still pushes the wrong buttons (and I hope that they know that I am never upset by them saying something about what they went through to get to that stage )

I must say I was more excited for BG getting her sticky bfp than I was with my own bfp a few weeks after!! And I was jumping around the house when BW got hers!! So each and every LTTTCer that I notice a bfp for has a party going on at my house too!!

[Tegam]

Pregnancy warning.....

Alioops and Waiting: thank you. I just needed to know i am not allown. You said so much of what i feel Waiting! Im feeling better already.


You are very right about the "when its there turn they shout it to the world".....My sis has never been happy when i have told her i am UTD, and when she told me i cried (with relief - but she doesnt have to ever know that)....... The first time was because i was due 6 weeks after her wedding (she then dumped me as bridesmaid - was a very hard wedding to attend let me tell you) but maybe thats what you mean BG: that some people arent just that supportive type even when its not about TTC>>>>


I have been feeling guilty all just for just writting in this thread.......

[briggsy's girl]

but maybe thats what you mean BG: that some people arent just that supportive type even when its not about TTC>>>>

yep, that's where i was going. for some people, being able to support people just isn't in their nature - no matter what is happening in your life, their dramas are more important. i have days like that (first to admit it) but most of the time i try to put others before me - in a lot of ways, helping my friends when they're in a crisis actually helps me to put my own stuff into perspective and that's always a good thing...