Nic, I hear your pain hunny. Its so totally all encompassing that sometimes its hard to know where to next. The fact that you are continuing shows you have faith even when it is so hard. One step at a time hun. If it helps I believe everything happens for a reason its just up to us to work out what that reason is for each of us. That isn't easy and it isn't something we necessarily want to do. One thing I learned on my LT journey was I became stronger because of it and if faced with other challenges I know I can face them with what I have learnt.

As time went on I gave myself breaks and slowed the process down, appreciating the time and learning to enjoy life a bit more each day. Some days are black but others will have some joy and reason to them, I promise. Sometimes there are steps backwards but really you are going forward in learning more about what is going on and trying different things. Its a hard road to travel but one you have company and support on here. IRL friends find it difficult to know what to say, and I'm sorry your friend didn't respond, that is the hardest thing to bear IME when you open up and there is nothing coming back. We humans are all flawed and don't cope well with sadness & I found that some who hadn't travelled this path just don't know what to say so say nothing. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't care .

Hun you have my share of the chocolate .
I'm here anytime you want to chat about it.
xx