tiggerlily,

big

i dont think that there is an magic treatment for being rational when we hear that those around us are pg - or have had a baby. for me the only way to deal with it is to let it all out (poor dh normally cops it) and have a good cry - i sometimes write down how I'm feeling. I then give it time before I respond (where possible) knowing that given some time to cry and work through my grief at not having a baby, that I'm then able to be more positive and celerbrate with them their joy. It is hard and I think we all build amazing strength to be able to do it. having written that totally rational explaination, i can reflect on how heart destroying it is to hear about others pg and babies and that i am typically not rational or calm or supportive until after at least 2 days after hearing the news! dont beat yourself up for feeling negative or bad about someone elses pg - it is normal human nature.

As for your dh's ex wife - well done for not having a go at her so far - i think you are a better person than most of use would be in your shoes. from watching my parents own bad behaviour all i can offer is this - you can not (often) change others behaviour (esp adults), but only seek to understand it. i would have you dh explain to her that it is inappropriate for her to be contacting you both in this way, but after that if it keeps on, just relish the thought of how empty and poor her current r'ship must be if she feels the need to try and drag your dh back into her life - or worse still get his approval/congrats in order to feel happy about herself and her achievements! while it wont make things 100% better, it may help.

good luck and hang in there
FG