Possums - I don't know what to say other than to remember how differently men & women process things. Just this week when I was in the waiting room to be called in for my egg retrieval which I was anxious about (and DH knew I was anxious) he was flitting around, taking walks, didn't seem to care. I didn't really push it but learned the next day that he almost can't deal with the hospital and my going in for the procedure because he has no control over it and feels so badly that I have to go under and have this surgery. I had no idea - I thought he was just so blase about it. Also, he only revealed this during a very casual conversation - clearly, when he was ready to reveal what was going on in his head. I like to talk about everything until it is talked to death - then I put it behind me. He is very, very different - often this causes arguments but I slowly learned to first assume he too has no idea what is going on in my head. This worked well on Tuesday when I came home after learning that both retrieved eggs had died - he knew because I called him at work to tell him but this is the first time we are seeing each other after learning of this. I walk in, he continues to watch the news...I sit on the other couch...watch the news & wait & wait & wait...make small talk about the news (still waiting)...then, I almost start yelling and saying all sorts of things, but I take a deep breath and say that I need a hug...he jumped up so fast, and then did all that I had wanted - he just didn't know. I know we think they should realize, but they are kind of dumb about these things. I don't know why I find it so hard to give him the benefit of the doubt as he always comes through when something is calmly presented in a non-accusatory way.

Men like to solve problems - listening to how we feel about them isn't their strong point - I think they try, but I really do think that when they love someone and can't help, their way of dealing with it is to look forward to the next step - otherwise it just kills them on the inside in the same way that we suffer after each of these tremendous disappointments on this journey...