How to handle your employer and fertility treatment

[Ladyf]

Hi and thanks for having me here!

I am looking to see if anyone can offer advice on how they handled their employer when they had to start fertility treatment.

Long story short, I have pcos, super low progesterone and don't ovulate. We also have male factors and are awaiting the results. We know we will need reproductive assistance to conceive.

I'm a very private person, and have kept this information to myself. I work in a very demanding job at the moment and my boss is an a-grade psychopath. Any excuse to rid the workplace of women, and he will take it, so telling him about my need to take time away for treatment is not going to cut it at the moment. I realise it's discrimination etc, but sometimes you do what you can to pay the bills, and for now we need the extra funds. In his mind, I will get pregnant and leave anyway, so he will find a way to do it sooner.

I wanted to know how people handled fertility treatment with their employers. Did you tell them the reason? How did you handle all the appointments, scans and blood tests with work? Luckily my specialist is just around the corner so this should at least reduce travel time.

Thank you,

[Bloom]

I found myself in a similar situation with a boss who wanted an opportunity to force me out and who was not a nice person at all. Personally, I didn't tell them that I was having fertility treatment, but that I had an ongoing medical issues which would mean a few appointments for a while. I also put something in writing and emailed it to both he and his manager when it all started, so that they would have it on record.

I didn't set out to deceive them but I was very vague about what I was having done and I believe my boss and his manager believed that I was having some kind of cancer treatment (which I absolutely did not say I was, but I also didn't this unspoken implication).

[Chocaholic]

I haven't required any fertility treatments, but if you don't think you can trust your boss with the information, can you use the trusty "women's problems" excuse? All of my male bosses switched off as soon as I mentioned anything to do with pap smears, periods etc.

[myturn]

You don't need to tell your boss anything. Most of the scans and blood work can be done before work in the morning so it doesn't interfere with work and then the days off you get medical certificates for. So you really don't need to tell them a thing. You just call in sick in the morning of the procedure and call them back in the afternoon saying the dr has given you three days off or whatever. They can't ask, and they can't say anything.

If they do ask. You can just be vague and say something like "yes I've been a bit unwell lately and been having some testing done. Sorry Id prefer not to talk about it".

Sorry you have to walk this path. I was lucky I could share with my boss, although I started a new job before the last cycle when I got pregnant and didn't tell her a thing. It worked out fine. Even when I was pregnant I just hold her Id been unwell and was having some tests. Honestly. They can't ask nor give you a hard time. So give them the bare minimum to get you through and hopefully it will work itself out. The last thing you need is additional work stress. It can be overwhelming without all that.

[Ladyf]

Thank you so much for your experiences. It's always hard when you are in a small business and everyone knows everyone else's business, I know in the past other ladies have been met with a distinct lack of empathy, especially when one had a m/c.

Good to know that a lot of the tests can happen outside of hours, I didn't know that being so new (and still in shock!) over this whole infertility saga.

Thanks again

[myturn]

My clinic was open from 7.30am and during a cycle I was probably going every two days. But it depends on what type of cycle you are doing. Some are much longer than others.

For what it's worth.... I was TTC for 18 months before starting IVF. Then did 9 IVF transfers over 2 years to get my live baby. She's now 6 months old. There was lots of stress and heartache along the way. But we got there. It was worth every penny and every tear. I'd do it all over again to get her. It was the bb girls that kept me sane.

You might like to join in the girls in the LTTTC and AC thread for some support. They are all doing cycles at the moment.

Long Term TTC & Assisted Conception 2015 #1

[Ladyf]

Thank you Myturn, I really appreciate your advice. It's hard to reset your thinking once you know, I still have thought the last two months when Ive been a few days late "oh I might be pregnant?!" Even though it's physically impossible. Seeing the FS next week to find out husbands results and start a 'where to from here ' plan.

So glad your got your baby in the end, there's hope for everyone right X

[myturn]

Even when you know.... You still hope for a natural miracle. They happen. There are girls in here who can attest to that.

I've been hoping for a natural freebie ever since DD was born. Lol. It took nearly four years last time and I never got pregnant without help. So I doubt it could happen. But I still hope. I always will. That's normal. We all feel that way. Even the girls where there is absolutely no chance. Even when they've finished their journey. A little part of them still hopes. For most people anyway.

You're on the road now. There is always hope. Xox

[AnyDream]

Get medical certificates for any time you take off work. Your employer does not need to know anything other than the barest fact that you are attending doctor/specialist appointment for medical treatment. But get certificates to cover your absences as well.