I feel so alone

[Heart_Healings]

I don't know how anyone can help, but I wanted to tell someone who might understand - that I feel alone.

I got my results back from the fertility clinic and I was told my anti-mulleria is very low for my age group and my cycle results were inconclusive (so i have to do another blood test) and that I need to focus on trying to have children now and not put it off...

But my relationship with my partner has fallen off the rails completely, and I honestly feel it's over. I don't love him anymore. We even called off the engagement and wedding.

I'm not really upset about the relationship, but i'm upset for myself. I know cannot change my results, and i've been told I can take some sort of drug which regulates my cycles, but it feels like the dream is gone. And having to start again with someone else will be challenging. I mean, it's not like you go into a relationship saying, "so, i'm not sure we'll work out, but i want to have kids" - it's just a weird thing to do.... but that's what's happening and so I feel alone.

I don't have any friends in a similar situation - i only have young friends who idealistically view the world and don't want to have kids because they'd be bringing them into a world with war and hate. So i can't even find sympathy/ empathy there. And all I want is a little care and understanding.

[glenny_c]

Sorry, I don't have any advice for you but wanted to send you a hug.

xx

[T-hopes]

Hi Heart_Healing - I just wanted to send love and strength to you at such a difficult time... I wish I had the words to makes it better but in my experience I have learnt that only time heals... Please know that although we are strangers, we all understand to some degree, and you are certainly not alone xx

[tellytubby]

Hi Heart Healing

I couldn't read your post without replying..
The dream is not gone, yes things may be challenging if you and your partner decide to part, but please don't ever give up hope.

Bellybelly is full of incredible women, and I'm sure someone who has been in a similar situation will see your post and give incredible advice.
You may not have friends IRL to give you empathy, but here on BB, you have hundreds of friends
I can almost hear your heart breaking as I read your post, just letting you know I am here, and I am listening.

Big hugs
love telly x

[worrywart]

Big Heart Healing!
That sounds so hard. I really feel for you. That's really sad about you and your partner. But if you know it's not right ... well, I guess you know. And better to make the tough decision now that not be honest with yourself and make matters worse later on ...
As for having a baby, as Tellytubby said, there are loads of incredible women on these forums who have gone to great lengths and never given up on this dream, and also achieved it. I think you might need some time to grieve and then, when you're ready, you might want to start taking steps towards having your child anyway. I mean, even as a single mum, if that's what feels right. I know that can seem overwhelming. And it's probably not even how things will turn out you know?
But do not give up ...
WW

[Lenny]

HH - I am sorry you are finding yourself in this situation. I'm sure you are grieving the ending of your relationship and the end of the dream you had. Although I am not in your situation I do empathise with you. I sincerely hope that although one dream might be gone right now there are other dreams to be made and fulfilled very soon.
There is a TTC vent forum too if you would like a bit of a vent. We all need it from time to time.

[littlelara]

I'm sorry you're going through this, it's an awful lot to try to work through.
Big hugs to you, it must be so hard to keep it all together.

[MaggiePie]

Hi Heart Healing,

I haven't been in your situation myself but a very close friend has - one minute she was trying for a baby and the next she was getting divorced. I know things seem overwhelming at the moment, as they did for my friend, but she gave herself time and gradually things improved for her. It may be comforting to know that she now has a new, lovely partner and they have just moved in together.

Please don't feel like you are alone, there are people out there who have made it through tough times like these and you will too.

[kristine08]

Hi there, I am so very sorry that you are in this situation. I also have been recently told that my AMH is very low (3.7) and I am also still very young. It's hard to deal with on its own, but going through a break-up at the same time must be jsut sooooo much harder. I really feel for you and totally understand that you feel alone.
I am not sure what to say to make the break-up easier - just give yourself time to heal and look after yourself.
In regard to the low AHM, it depends how low yours is. As said mine is 3.7 and I am 29, so that is pretty low for my age and I have been told to get going ASAP. However, I also have been told that there is still a lot of chances. If you feel like time is running out (which I totally understand), I would suggest to tell your FS about this. I am not sure if this is an option or not, but maybe egg freezing is an option. That would mean you freeze eggs now for later use when you feel ready and have found the right partner to have children with. I am not sure if this is an option or not and if this is something you would consider, I just thought I mention it. As said it also depends how low your AHM is, as there is a lot of people around who have an AHM of 6,7,8 etc and they have been told that they still have quite a bit of time.
I will be thinking of you xx