Hi girls sounds like a lot of us are having a struggle this week such a rough ride this ivf journey!

N2L: glad to hear that you have decided to stay positive it is so hard but it really is too early and those HPT suck bigtime i wish i hadnt done them they are just so depressing..

Saffy: 9 follies is great they can be so harsh sometimes! I feel for you with hubbie men are so frustrating i know before we knew my hubbie didnt have any swimmers he was good for a while but they just cant handle it.. Mine is smoker and a drinker too and although he did give up for a while it was really hard for him and i really felt the pressure in the relationship at that time... We now use donor sperm and i have to say as hard as it was to accept that at the time it is much easier just having to focus on me and what i am doing especially with the herbs and accupuncture etc.

1moreplz: Sorry to hear that about the weight gain, i too have put on 10 kilos at least as i am on steroid treatment as well and it is so hard to shift so good on you for taking action... I have been so depressed this week i have eaten that many cadbury cream eggs its ridiculous, cakes etc... Feel disgusting so i have to shift my mental state and get back to the gym and eating well next week! Good luck with it.

AFM: i have probably had one of the worst weeks thru out my whole journey it has s**cked big time!
After getting a BFN last friday i have gone into quite a depressed state eating is out of control and i am starting to doubt that it is ever going to happen for me and my dh.

I am seeing a chinese herbalist in the city and i went to see her on monday and she has told me not to give up as i have a chromosone problem which is obviously affecting my egg quality.. She thinks that she can help me but im just not so sure anymore? I also discovered that i have NK cells which is treatable and i went to see the specialist yesterday to try and get some more feedback on that and find out what i have to do to sustain a pregnancy with NK Cells and he ended up telling me to give up basically that i obviously have a egg quality problem and that the NK cell thing can be treated and that i should use a egg donor and stop wasting our money!

Well how to make someone feel absolutely useless and like a fool i left there absolutely beside myself, questioning everything and have gone from confident to now thinking that maybe it just isnt going to happen!!

I chatted to DH and as we had only found out before this last cycle that i had NK cells we have decided to give a couple more goes to see if being on the treatment for that will make a difference as i have had a m/c before and had to morulas put back another time so it could have been the NK cells that didnt let me sustain a pregnancy?

So hard to know and i couldnt give a s**t about the money we will find it somewhere as i dont believe you cant put a price on getting a baby at the end! Im now thinking maybe we should also look into the adoption side of things as maybe it just isnt going to happen and im just not sure about a egg donor and sperm donor??

Sorry for the rant i am just so confused about everything and needed a shoulder so to speak!!

I am also closing down my business after 5 years so that is going to be quite a change, one i am looking forward too but scary at the same time and i have my gorgeous little dog who has got kidney disease and whose results this week got worse he is still happy and having a great time but me and dh worry about him too...

Aaargh something has to give soon for the better i keep trying to tell myself that but it just isnt happening!!!

Sorry girls thanks for listening i hope you are all having a nice weekend and lets hope things start to take a turn for the better in here x