I'm not even sure I have been excited about being pregnant yet. I mean.... I am enjoying a bunch of things, but I've been expecting problems all the way through. But they just haven't happened. All has been well. So instead, I'm now preparing for a traumatic birth and crappy breastfeeding and all that. We haven't got a nursery set up yet.... I'm 36w2d pregnant!! I've got most of the stuff I need, bit I've really struggled with the decision making.... Feeling confident in knowing what I'll need and being okay with that. It just doesn't feel real.

I'm happy. Definitely happy. And much more content and emotionally stable than I was... But.... I just feel quite dissociated and disconnected from the pregnancy. I don't feel attached to my belly. I feel guilty for not enjoying it more and not enjoying being pregnant. I've wanted it for so long, and yet... I feel like all I do is complain. It just does not feel real.

I want more than one kid. Already I am thinking about how difficult it's going to be to get pregnant again. And how old I am. I haven't even got this one out yet! I don't even know if I will cope with multiple children! It sucks and it feels really unfair. I don't know how I would have got through without bellybelly.