One thing I will say. Don't whinge about your pregnancy symptoms in front of her (sorry, I know you probably won't). This is the one thing that really upset me. And the belly rubbing. I wanted to punch things when my pregnant friends rubbed their bellies when I was around (whether they knew of our LTTTC or not).
What everyone else has said is really helpful too. I guess just being there if she wants to talk and listening to her without offering advice or solutions.
Huge congratulations! I hope that your SIL's IVF cycle is successful and you're hearing a pregnancy announcement from her soon
Hi - congrats on your PG, and also for being a great SIL.
My SIL fell PG with her second while we were on IVF - and it was hard. I reinforce what the others have said. For me, the hardest thing was the feeling of being cut out of the family. My SIL and MIL knew we were on IVF, so in order to 'save' our feelings, they stoped talking about babies around us, my MIL would run maddly around her house and hide anything baby, and worse, my SIL did not invite us to DD1 2nd birthday...so while they were doing what 'they' thought were best for us, what it made me feel like was that we were not worthy of being part of the family unless we had kids, as kids seemed to be the center of everything. So, I guess I would suggest that you have a chat with your SIL and say that you dont want to make her decisions for her, but respect that somethings are hard eg other peoples babys and PG...so, ask her if she is comfortable still being invited to baby things eg your baby shower (if you have one), but make it clear that you understand if she chooses not to come, or to come only for a little while.
I guess the other thing that I wanted was an opportunity to talk to those who I trusted, but talking about infertility/ IVF and the emotions/treatment is really hard...so take time to have some time out with your SIL where she has plenty of opportunity to bring up hard topics - there were so many times when people asked me how I was that I responded 'fine' while screaming inside that I needed to talk, but once I had found the words, the conversation had moved well and truely on and I felt uncomfortable draging the conversation back to me.
Family events are going to be hard for your SIL, so if the baby talk seems to be getting to her, maybe look to get away and invite her to join you so that it does not seem like she is the one leaving the conversation first...there always seems to be stuff to be done in the kitchen, and I'm sure she will welcome the rescue!
Wishing your SIL and her partner all the best for their IVF journey.
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