sandygirl, the girls here have already put into words my frustration and despair at trying to conceive #2. It's so hard when all you keep thinking of is the age gap between siblings getting further and further apart. People can be insensitive with their comments and it comes from a lack of understanding of what infertility does to us emotionally.
When there's an empty space in your family, no matter if it's child #1 or 2 or whatever, it doesn't make ltttc any easier.
Sending you lots of good wishes and hugs. It helped having my DD to hug close when each cycle didn't give us good news. It gave me strength to keep trying.
Sandygirl - I have got that comment more times than I'd like to count, including from DH who still doesn't really understand why it's so upsetting
To me, I think it s a really ignorant, alomst selfish thing to say. You have just as much right to another child as ANYONE, They wouldn't say that to a friend/family member who'd had no conception issues. It would just be assumed another child would come when desired. Somehow, when you've had trouble, you are supposed to just accept having only one ( or however many) and the need ( and it is a "need") for another child should be ignored purely because there has been trouble. Its like they feel they have a right to tell you how much you should put yourself through because along with the "at least you have one" comment, comes the " why do you keep torturing yourself, just be happy with what you've got". it makes me SOOOOOOOO MAD. Sorry but i HATE it. Any woman who has to go through IVF or m/c has been to hell and back and deserves far more respect. It is no one else's place to tell you what you should/shouldn't do or how 'lucky" you are.
I also think the desire for a second ( or more) is almost stronger than that for the first. Please don't take this as any disregard for those who are still desperately waiting for no1, trust me, i've been through that pain too. Having one, though, you know what you are missing IYKWIM. I just want experience it all again because i know how much I love it.
Aggh, sorry but it gets to me too!
I agree with the others, though, people only say it because they don't know what else to say. DH now instructs people close to us to NEVER, EVER say anything like that me. I'd prefer they say nothing.
I hope you get your dream soon. No one deserves this pain
It is so wonderful to hear from you all. Very reassuring! I will be thinking of you all when I go back to work to next week and face a whole heap of people who know far too much about my business and feel the need to make comments.
Trillian- How terrible. I hadn't even thought of those who may get a similar comment about 3rd, 4th, etc.
M2C- Thanks hun!
Widdly- So sorry you are having a tough time too.
Joyjoy- OMG what a terrible doc and she is a gynae? That's appalling.
Joyojoy & Kaydee: I also keep thinking about that age gap. There are 4 years between me and my sister and I thought was a bit big. That's why I started trying earlier. Now it's out of my hands.
To all of you in my boat may our #2 joy be just just around the corner.
Hi Sandygirl - I have just seen this and can most definately relate - it is like I actually wrote your post rather than you (IYKWIM). My DH also says that I should "just" be happy with our DD and sometimes doesn't really fully understand my desire to give her a sibling. I am really happy, that seems like such a bad choice of word, with our little girl, it took us approx 2 yrs TTC her and we have now spent 2 yrs TTC #2 after a M/C in Jan 07. I too get worried each and every day about the age gap (as so many of you in here), but like you said it is now out of our hands and the fact that I am now 43 doesn't help at all
It is especially hard when our DD asks why she doesn't have a baby brother and sister and could she have one - all her little friends do. I try to explain to her that she is special and unique, but I don't quite think that she gets that yet.
If it wasn't for wonderful BB and all you wonderful ladies in here, I would of given up a long time ago. Each new cycle brings new hope and the thought that perhaps this one is it.
Good luck to you and everyone else on this journey and may our dreams come true in the not too distant future.
Jodie- My heart goes out to you. I got teary reading your post. I think you worded it better than I did.
Absolutely agree with the fabulous support of the BB girls. I don't know how i would have gotten this far without being able to rant and rave on BB. again!
Thanks Possums - you are truly a remarkable woman and one who never ceases to amaze me. Wishing the you the best of luck in getting your little miracle also. Thinking of you always
Sandygirl - thanks - hugs to you also and I shall be looking forward to stalking the threads to see how you are going.
i also get these comments but we are TTC # 4 and i think the comments are worse ( not comparing though).
we have 3 boys and dh had a vas when last baby was 12 weeks old and i was sick. regretted it later but too late to go back.
anyway we get , why would you even want 4 kids, be happy with what you've got, why would you want to do this again ( as in have a baby)
be greatfull
and it goes on.
the thing is no matter what number you are trying for the desire for another child is the same, yes i do have children and i get to have a "mothers day" and i do know how blessed i am but the desire to finish our family is still just as strong as when i had my second or third.
i hope you get your BFP and 2nd child soon.
good luck
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may our #2 joy be just just around the corner.
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