Totally freaking out about trying again after a m/c and my age!

[Miss.B]

I think I'm driving myself bonkers ATM. It was confirmed at my FS's appointment the other day that we lost our little sweet pea because of trimomy 16. Basically, our little one had 3 sets of chromosome 16. A fetus with a full blown trisomy 16 apparently does not usually live past week 5. We got to 6.5 weeks. It is by far the most common chromosomal abnormality there is. Then I start reading up more about it and I freaked myself out totally. In one article is said that it is the most common chromosomal abnormality with mothers with 'advanced age'. THAT'S ME!!!!!!! I'm 42 next month, who am I kidding with this TTC thing? In that same article it said that in one study they found up to 75 % of embryos of women over 40 were affected by some abnormality, typically trisomy 16. Am I a fool to think I still have a chance at a healthy baby/pg?? I am so scared right now, it's put me off even thinking about another cycle. I need some feel good stories......are you an older mum with success? We have had to resort to IVF after my DF's vesectomy reversal didn't work. We have had 3 cycles, the first two produced 2 healthy bubs (I was 38 though at the time) and the last one at 41 which ended in a m/c. My FS seems to think my next pg will be fine. Has he got his head in the clouds and $$ signs in his eyes?????

[Joeve]

Oh sweetie not sure what to say. Can you try pgd as I think it tests for that?
Goodluck and I think in your heart you aren't done yet babe

[LuluHB]

That statistics make for terrifying reading don't they.

I'm 42 in a couple of months. I lost 4 bubs on the road to this pregnancy, all at very early stages and so no testing was done. This baby was conceived naturally but I've had regular injections and what seems like handfuls of tablets daily until I reached 13 weeks to help things along.

My OB (also my FS) has been very supportive along the way - partly due to him just being him but also because his own wife had their 3rd bub when she was 43.

I know I'm lucky, but I don't believe I'm rare. There are quite a few women I chat to in my OB's office that are 40+. One of the mum's at my DD's pre primary is due in a few weeks and she's almost 44.

My DH and I initially embarked on our attempts to conceive #3 with a "whatever happens happens" sort of attitude. My attitude quickly changed to an "I desperately want another baby" attitude - had it not we would never have undertaken all the drugs etc. I had put a deadline on our efforts though - for my own mental and emotional wellbeing but that is something that is going to be different for me than it is for you, than it is for the next woman.

I wish you the best of luck on your TTC journey. I hope its a short and sweet one for you.

[terry]

Miss B I'm 42 and am currently 17 weeks pregnant. I too used IVF and thought like you am I kidding myself and just wasting money. As you know it only takes one good egg yes there are more risks as you get older and lots of your eggs aren't as good. My last stim cycle produced 19 eggs and of those only 2 embryos made it to day 5 one of which I'm carrying now. Take your time and think about what you want to do don't sell yourself or your body short.

[Rach83]

I want to squeeze you in the biggest hug B xxxx

[nothing2lose]

MissB, although I have not had a miscarriage that I know of, I can relate to what you are saying.
I am really sorry you are going through this

FWIW, I don't think your FS can say the next pg will be good or bad because, honestly, how does he know??? He doesn't.

I think all you can do is take a leap of faith. After all, that's what every woman who decides to conceive does, as bringing a baby into the world has so many risks attached - no matter what your age. It's a gamble. One that we can only pray pays off. But one thing's for sure, if you don't try, you'll never hit the jackpot.

I really hope that one day you win big time

[toomanyshoes]

I can't offer advice on IVF or TTC over the age of 30 but I know from my experiences TTC after m/c takes a whole lot of strength. I don't think a day goes by where I don't question what I'm doing or have second thoughts.

I wish I had more comforting things to say

[Diamond Girl]

Firstly, huge hugs Miss B, youve already been through so much. I totally understand what it feels like to lose hope in ever bringing home another baby and the feeling of hopelessness that it brings. Your fears are perfectly valid. N2L is right, its all a gamble, and one that will never pay off if we dont try. Trying again after m/c is hard though and the choice to do so (or not) is yours to make.

I just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world for when (and if) you cycle next, and I pray for a miracle for you xx.

[minniemouse]

miss B,

hun, as you know our circumstances are quite similar, the more i look into things the more i seem to find that the vast majority of embryos are chromosomally abnormal as you get older (that is probably stating the obvious but as you say its in the vicinity of 70%), from what i have read about pgd even the embryos that "look" perfect at day 5 the vast majority are abnormal, so if you do ivf you may get several that look perfectly fine, put one in and the others in the freezer and then you might get pregnant get to 6 weeks miscarry again, wait several months put another (unknowingly abnormal) from the freezer in and the pattern continues

as you know this takes a huge emotional toll not to mention expense and i know pgd is more expensive but we are wondering if doing a cycle or 2 of pgd and getting embryos that you KNOW are "normal" would help.......this probably isn't helping you, just what is going on in our heads at the moment

[LionsandBears]

Am I a fool to think I still have a chance at a healthy baby/pg??

No more a fool than me. I'm yet to have a healthy, live child. All ours have had a fatal condition and I was younger than you when those 3 were conceived.

Pregnancy is a hope, not a promise. All we can do is hope and pray and try again. If you're not yet emotionally ready, then you can wait a while.

As N2L said, there are no guarantees in life. Miscarriages are hard. I sure dont want another one, but I have the view that if they're early, then mother nature is doing her job. We all have our limits and I dont think we know what they are until we get there.

[anney]

Miss b. I understand where you are coming from. I had a m/c at 38 then a baby at 40 both natural. I resisted doing ivf as I thought it would happen naturally and had 2 early m/c. Then at 44 started ivf and got pg. and miscarried. Miscarrying a baby from ivf when it is your last chance is devastating as you are not mourning the loss of one baby but the loss of hope as well.
But back to your question, I believe if I had started ivf at 42 I would have a baby. I know the odds are bad but you still have 30% chance. You are getting eggs and they are fertilising so you only have the chromosome hurdle.
As for what the FS said, of course they can't give guarantees but mine certainly never gave any false hope. I don't think taking your money would be a motivating factor as they usually have a list of patients waiting to fill your place! Good luck. I know the ttc when your are older consumes every waking moment!
Forgot to say I have a friend who had a baby at 40 , 43 and 45 so yes it does happen

[Miss.B]

Thanks so much for your replies ladies. I know there are no guarantees in life with any pg, young or old, and as Tash said, a pg is a hope not a promise (well said hun). I think right now I am faced with the hard, cold facts of TTC as an older (geez I didn't think of myself as older at 38!) woman. I know this place, and of course all you wonderful ladies, will keep me sane when we do decide to do a cycle. And I should stop having a relationship with Dr Google.

[juniper76]

I may be 6 years younger than you, but I'm a poor responder with IVF (likely DOR) and our m/c in January was due to Trisomy 18, so I share your fears. I carry them with me every day and I'm terrified that we will never give our daughter a sibling.

FWIW, our OB did not recommend PGD, but he did give us a copy of the chromosome testing report to give to our FS. Given my usual poor response and our low number of embryos (only 2 last time), I doubt we'd ever be able to do PGD anyway.

I will say though, that if 75% of embryos in that study were abnormal, that means 25% were normal! 25% is still a decent number. IVF boils down to luck. I've seen people given a 75% chance who get a BFN and people with a 2% chance take a baby home. If 75% have a problem, then I'll be praying that you get one of the 25%. It could happen!

[fionas]

Statistics are evil beasts and can completely do your head in. But to answer your question, no, I don't think you are kidding yourself. As someone else said, I think a 25% chance is actually pretty good in the whole scheme of things.

I have met women in their 40s who were completely pollyanna about the whole baby thing (single but cheerily saying that if the right person came along then they'd like a baby with absolutely no sense of urgency). I think they would do well to have a look at some stats and get a wriggle on.

In terms of positive stories - a friend of mine had a healthy baby at 44. I had a healthy baby at 41 and after convincing myself that there'd be something wrong at the 12 week scan, the stats actually came out phenomenally well. I know how scary they can be, I freaked myself out too.

Good luck!

[myturn]

And I should stop having a relationship with Dr Google.

as should we all..... but he still keeps popping back into our lives!!! I can't seem to get rid of him no matter how hard I push....

sweet pea - there's never harm in trying... and it's okay to be worried.... at some point you will make the decision to stop, but sounds like that's not just yet....

look after yourself.... and keep busy.... I find Dr Google is far less appealing when i have other things to do

[Miss.B]

Thanks again ladies I just have to close my eyes, cross everything and take the plunge I think. I know I haven't finished yet, but the stupid stats are just plain scary and making me squirm! Boo hoo to them