Thankyou Debbie for your lovely post. How lucky I am to have such beautiful woman energy to share this grief with. I am doing okay. Just hard to believe another baby has flown away. I am awaiting a call from my old friend Frank (foetal med specialist) he called earlier today and I missed the call. I am beginning to think that I should have perservered with the clexane. It would seem this is the likely solution. I just don't wanna be where I am. I want to be 14 weeks and 1 day pregnant and happy. I am not and I accept it but I don't want to be here again. I just don't.

I know that I will hold a baby in my arms - I just need to stay strong, keep healthy and be sad when I need to be. I am going to a hypnotherapist on Thursday - I just want some help with dealing with the grief I have felt in order to feel okay with the future. She comes with great raves from lots of colleagues so I am kinda looking forward to it (omg what have I become!).

So, it looks like I kinda do belong in here after all! I just can't go back into PAML - it is painful at the moment to read the daily news and excitement of others pregnancies. I know that sounds very selfish and self serving and I do apologise but it is how I feel right now.

George has recommended if we want to conceive agian soon to begin if we are ready after my next period. We will do that and I will take the clomid from the start as I haven't got the time to muck around.

My husband suggested he get me a ring with three colours of gold to represent our 3 babies. I think it's a lovely idea, they will always be in my heart. Always. My chest hurts - it feels so heavy like someone is sitting on it. It is so true that a piece of you dies when your baby does. There is a piece of me I just can't get back.

I am really sorry for not doing personals. I will soon...