When to do a FET cycle?

[farmgirl77]

Hello all,
My mind is all mixed up at the moment. We got a BFN on our fist IVF/ICSI cycle, which has totally shattered me - we have MFI so I thought once we overcame that then we would have a good shot at it. We did everything by the book, except that after the ET and for the next two weeks, we were pretty busy with a wedding, Big Day Out, relatives going away dinner etc etc and as we dont live near Melb, we were away from home for a few nites. DH thinks that this may have contributed to the BFN.

Anyway, now we have to decide if we go with a FET this cycle, or wait till next cycle. I dont know what to do. DH wants to wait, as we have harvest coming up on the farm in late Feb, and we will be busy with that. I can see his point and think that waiting is a good idea - I also want to start acupuncture so waiting would give that some time to start working.

I'm just to scared to make up my mind . I'm scared that if we keep going we are going to use up all the embies and end up with just BFNs. But I'm also scared that waiting and not doing anything is going to drive me crazy and I'm just going to stay upset all the time because things are not happening. I also have a long cycle and so if we wait, it will push the FET into late March which just seems so far away.

Any advice/thoughts?
Thanks

[Visitor9]

Farmgirl,
It took me along time to get my head around things that were going to happen and at one stage I was having difficulties with knowing what to do. Previous cycles I always did back to back got a BFN then started again on day 3ish and kept on going. It kept me sane knowing I was doing something to help us achieve our dream.
This time being a terry tight ar@e I waited till January so I could reach the mc threshold quickly and give me the opportunity to do another Stim without being out of pocket alot. But the decision wasnt made until AF showed and I bit the bullett. Sometimes being busy can help you not worry about every aspect of your cycle and relaxs you alittle. But then again it can add to the chaos.
Only you and DH know how well you deal with many things going on , or whether you need to focus entirely on the cycle.
Good luck

[Lissie]

Hi Farmgirl,

First i am sorry you got a BFN and also you staying away from hom would probably have nothing to do with it.Look at it this way millions of woman walk around for weeks not even knowing they are pregnant, they drink, they do things we on IVF would not cause we know when there is an embie on board - i think when we are on IVF we are also more paranoid! I think you should do what is good for the two of you, when you say you have a harvest coming up does that mean you personally will be doing lots of strenuous work? IF you are then i would say wait but if not well maybe you need to put more thought into it - mentally sanity is very important when on the IVF journey - the mental side of things is the hardest to control. Wishing you all the luck in the world and hope you find the answer that makes you happy.

[Jesswith6]

I'm so sorry hun...Maybe we should organise that cuppa soon!

[KateY01]

Hi Farmgirl
I agree with Lissie about possibly waiting for a month or so, getting your acupuncture started and your harvest done.
I am the same as you and did IVF/ICSI early December last year and got BFN. We have 4 embys on ice, and I am getting ready to hopefully my first FET this cycle. (I am going to see my FS on Wed) I had a month off in between but feel like I would be OK for another month to get over the stim cycle and get my body 100% ready to give FET the best chance possible.
Good luck to you and hopefully hear how everything is going with you.
Kate

[briggsy's girl]

hi farmgirl - i'm another who had an ivf cycle in nov/dec last year with a BFN - never an easy thing to face! i was so disappointed at having to wait for a long time before next transfer (i live out in the country and go to a regional clinic that had a three month break from one transfer to the next) - but now that i've had 6 weeks off and looking to have a visit from AF soon to start the next FET cycle, i believe it's been the best thing for me. i had some stresses in my life that i needed to deal with before i was emotionally ready to face another cycle...

from what i know of harvest, it's pretty physically exhausting - long days and stresses to get it finished! if i were in your circumstances, as hard as it is, i'd wait it out this month, get your AP going, get harvest out of the way - and go into FET physically and emotionally ready for a BFP!

good luck hun

[butterfly_warrior]

I guess I'm in a similar position to BG - I had a stim cycle in November/December, developed OHSS, couldn't have a fresh transfer and had to wait to recover for a FET cycle.

The first time this happened, I had a five week break in between, felt physically and emotionally ready for the FET, and all was well until I miscarried just before 9 weeks...

This time, we decided that it would be a good idea to get my FET cycle in before work went back. I had a break of just over three weeks, before jumping into a FET cycle. Hindsight is a beautiful thing - I would have to say that I was most definitely NOT ready for a FET then. I lost that baby just on 4 weeks - low level of HCG in final blood test, and a devestating weekend spent going through the physical process of miscarriage.

I've been debating whether to jump into another FET in February, or to wait until March. We're choosing the wait until March option, just to make sure my body has a chance to fully recover - it's been two early miscarriages, a stim cycle and a bad case of OHSS all in four months.

Mentally, I feel good about going into another FET straight away. Physically, I feel like I'll probably be ok when I get to transfer - but there's that small seed of doubt that can't really be shaken away. What if I'm not fully recovered physically? What if this transfer doesn't work at all? What if this transfer ends in another early miscarriage? While that doubt is there, I think it's a damned good idea to hold off on the FET!

Harvest may not interfere... but if you find that the cycle doesn't work, you'll always wonder, always doubt. As frustrating as it is to wait, I think you'll be better off doing so. Make sure you are in the best state physically and mentally before you go into the FET. The early stages of pregnancy are also very draining (I developed chronic fatigue syndrome about 7 years ago - I've had three instances in the last 12 months where I've been convinced it's coming back, only to find out I was pregnant), even if the cycle does work, it's going to make harvest a much more difficult event than it needs to be.

I don't know what process your clinic is going to use for your FET, but might it be possible to go on the pill while you wait? That way you can stop the pill as soon as harvest is over and get straight into a FET. It's what we did when we needed to manipulate transfer timing. I do natural FETs, but I need to take medications to induce ovulation. It's something my FS does fairly often - just stay on the active tablets until everything is ready to go. I guess it would probably make a truly natural FET a difficult option, but if you are going to do a medicated one anyway, then all it can do is help with the timing.

Good luck with your decision - and if you need some company waiting for a FET in mid-late March, then I'm there with you, as that's when our next one is likely to be as well.

BW

[collo04]

Its a tough call but I always feel devasted after a failed cycle and its my natrual instinct to make a plan so I dont feel like we are in Limbo. Waiting is the hardest thing to do but i found sometimes it does your mind good. You have down time to mentally psyc up for another transfer. The biggest thing Ive learnt and come to terms with is that TTC is out of my control and apart from trying to be healthy and calm their aint much I can do regarding the outcome. So do what feels right for you and make a plan. If waiting seems like it will tear you apart then go for it.

[summerluven]

It is a very hard decision, and one that many of us will have struggled with at one time or another.

there are pros and cons to each side of the coin here, and only you and your DH know what is best. On the one hand, it can be terrible to have to wait and can just tear you up that you aren't "doing" anything. But on the other hand, if you will be doing strenuous activity then it might be worth waiting and also giving that accupuncture a shot.

Lissie makes a few good points. It is very unlikely that being away from home had anything to do with it. And being busy (as opposed to stressed out) isn't always such a bad thing. It does keep your mind off things. For my first cycle, I had OHSS and was forced to lie down and take things really easy, and we got a BFN. I thought we would have greater chance because I hadn't been doing much and thought that the emby was being given a good chance to nestle right in and make itself at home. Didn't happen. Then with our first FET, I didn't give it much chance of success at all, felt like I was just going through the motions, so I went about my day to day activities just like I normally would, and we had good news that month. There is a school of thought that staying active keeps the blood flowing through all that plumbing down below and actually facilitates an emby sticking around to see what this world is all about.

And her other good point was that the emotional side of TTC and IVF is the hardest to control, and staying sane is very important.

YOu have to think about how waiting will make you feel, and wether you would feel better to have a plan and to be 'doing' something, or whether you would feel better giving it a go with the accupuncture. Both very good options. Best of luck!

[butterfly_warrior]

Oh my! How things change... Last night we decided that with my arthritis flaring badly and being unable to change my medications, I needed to be on the pregnancy-safe, stronger one anyway. I wanted some time off it (it makes me fat and grumpy), to get healthy and lose some weight, but it's just not going to happen.

This morning I booked in for another FET, and I go in for the first blood test tomorrow.

Big turn around, but I'm ok with the decision now. I feel physically and mentally ready to do this. When you do find the right decision, you will know it. I still have a lot of fear, but I also have a sense of peace that this is the right thing to do now.

BW

[farmgirl77]

Hello all,
Thanks for the advice and support - the last few days have been hard. I was in la la land and so DH ended up making the decision for us and said that he did not think that physically or mentally I was up to going straight into another cycle- so no cycle till march. I think I'm relieved that he made that decision cause I just could not. So I rang the nurses and made it official - now just hope that my cycle behaves and comes at some reasonable time

Anyway we have told the inlaws that I'm available for harvest - no restrictions - which makes me feel better that I can help them out - plus I dont just get stuck driving the 4 wheeler around (it gets very boring and I cant back it with the trailer behind it so DH has to do that at the end of every row much to his frustration LOL).

Just had an my first acupuncture appointment and he said it was good that I would fit in 6 appointments before the next transfer, so that felt good as well - at least I feel like I'm doing something positive - I think it is the control issue.

My dh always said that he could only go 2 cycles, so I think that has been weighing on my mind, but he has at least said that we can use all these embies up, and that really the stim cycle was not so bad (for him ) so that we could do that again - so that is making me feel more positive that something will happen at some stage. Ok, enough of my ramblings

BW - I hope that the arthritis comes under control soon - as for fat and grumpy, I'm sure that you are not, and anyway, when you get the BFP it will not matter in the slightest Good luck

Jess - coffee - yes - I'll PM you to work out a time/place

summerluven - you give me hope because I'm not sure that I can really ever stop our busy lifestyle - it just keeps coming

BG - hope AF comes soon and that the FET is a success!

BecG - glad that I'm not the only one who considers the MC threshold...

To everyone - thanks and good luck