FT work = ? what time Mum???

[MamaPan]

I hear you - I cant believe the judgement that comes from other mothers (or mothers to be). we all need to make our choices and do what is right for us and our families - emotionally, physically, financially etc. I am expecting in Sept and intend to take 6 months off (I may take more or less depending how i actually feel when it all happens!) - my career means a lot to me, and I earn v good money and I get a lot of satisfaction from my job - but i have no idea how motherhood will chg that and I also know not everyone feels the same way about working... i think we all need to do what feels right for us as this will make the happiest and most rounded home for our children (and marriages, familial relations, friendships etc). I never judge or feel any way twds mums who do go to work, dont go to work etc as I honestly think we all need to do what is best for us and what works in our situatins. However, I find the 'judgement' seems to always go the way of SAHM (only some!) judging working mums, it is v politically incorrect to say anything the other way... and that FRUSTRATES me.
The other thing is a lot of this comes from men, many of my DH friends seem to expect that their wives (and me) should stay home - and these are women who prior to being preg had extremely highpowered and succesful careers. we are thinking of trying me working 4 days and DH working 4 days if both employers will allow - and his friends think he has lost the plot!

[Bathsheba]

I find the 'judgement' seems to always go the way of SAHM (only some!) judging working mums, it is v politically incorrect to say anything the other way... and that FRUSTRATES me.
The other thing is a lot of this comes from men, many of my DH friends seem to expect that their wives (and me) should stay home -

Back when my DD was young my DH put a lot of pressure on me to return to the paid workforce because he thought that being a SAHM was old fashioned and unnecessay these days... and that I was being slack "just" being at home.
He has done a 180"C turnaround these days though... NOW he understand why I am more exhausted at the end of each day than he is. Unfortunately though he reports back that many of his male colleagues pressure their wives to return to work before they are ready because they still don't value the work women do at home. So I think it goes both ways. But I agree.... everyone should do what's right for them.... every family situation is different... and men and women and SISTERS should all trust that we are all trying to do the right thing.

[ella79]

i used to be adament that i would be returning to full time work when i had kids and i have had many heated arguments with my in-laws over it!! i got very close to hitting my FIL when he told me one day that "it is NATURAL for a woman to look after kids full time, and that the man should earn the money". that's the way "mother nature" intended it, and that was the only "right" way - aarrrgghhh!!! this comment was in response to my suggestion that i thought that the ideal situation for us would be for both myself and my DH to work part-time, and share family duties and housework... my FIL actually laughed at me as if i was a basket case!! the idea was so totally ludicrous and "unnatural" to him!!
anyway, the funny thing is that now that i'm actually pregnant i can't wait to give up work and look after my baby!! i suspect that my enthusiasm for being a SAHM won't last forever though, and sooner or later i'll want to return to work. finances aren't an issue for us, so it will be more for my own sanity than anything else... my own mum was a SAHM and i enjoyed having her around, but many of my friends have been raised by working mothers and are all perfectly happy, well-rounded individuals, so in my opinion it is a happy, loving and safe home which is most important. kids are very adjustable creatures and as long as they know that mum and dad love them, they will thrive!
whether i choose to be a SAHM in the long run or return to work as a paid employee whilst also a mum, i know that both occupations will be much more challenging than anything i've done before, but the rewards will be better than anything that i can imagine...

tracey, the negative comments are nothing to do with you at all, and rather your sister's jealousy or own insecurities.. you know you're a fab mum and that you're a bl00dy hard worker, and so do your kids, so don't let her thoughtless comments bother you!

[Tracey]

Thanks everyone...
I used to enjoy working til I had Indah, but the commebts do hurt...

But I think now when i hear negativity I'm just gonna tell myself they are jealous!

[Bron81]

Thats right Tracey, they are jealous! Your a great mum, who does what is needed for her family. They probably wish that could be half the great mummy that you are!

[Tracey]

Shucks Bron..... LOL... You made me all goosebumpy!!!

[AngelPunks]

my DH was the SAHD for his two kids, he's quite prepared to do it all again when/if we have kids.

Tracey - you are an AMAZING mother!!!!!!!!!!!! Your sister is just jealous!

[Loula]

Hi Ladies

Just wanted to add that my mum is a single mum and has been since my father passed away when i was 6yrs old and she very muckh HAD to work full time (paying off his debt but thats another story) I am a child of childcare and i will still say that my mum is great and i wouldnt want another i love her so much and both my bother and mum and i are reall close, even closer than mum/daughter that were together 24/7 growing up.

I also want to add that i am a childcare worker and have been for 10years 6 yrs in England where most mothers work full time!! and i really take my hat off to mothers that do as it must be even harder to work all day then come home and care for children demanding your attention.

I WILL be returning to work when i have a baby because i want to, its important to me and socially to my child.(ask me again when i have bubs.lol)

Please dont listen to the neg comments

[Bathsheba]

... one postive thing about being a SAHM though (which helps me when I'm feeling undervalued) is that my DD really appreciates me being able to attend all her sports days and carnivals. Hardly any parents at her school attend because they have to work and the kids that have their parents there are thought to be sooooo lucky When DH and I go along we have all the kids thronging around us seeking our attention in lieu of their own parents. What really annoys me is that workplaces don't value this aspect of their employee's lives. They still don't seem to get that an employee with a healthy work/life/family balance is going to be more productive than a parent who is miserable and resentful because they can't attend any of their children's school events. Hopefully this will change as demographics (ageing population etc) makes it more difficult for companies to find good employees.

[Tracey]

I am lucky in I tell my boss I wont be in til late or I leave early or something due to school sports days (but they tend to do Twilight Sports), any day concerts etc, I attend about 90% of them & ikf I am not there, then my Mum makes sure she is or DH does!
They do organise a lot of Family things after school hours & I must sya the Sports nights are funny, almost all the families know each other & sit around cheering loudly, eating a BBQ & drinking!!! It's quite enjoyable....

I refuse to ask permission to attend my kids activities, I simply say I will be late or leave early depending on the time, I have always said my kids come first & if work dont like it sack me....!

[Coolabahdee]

:Hugs: Tracey Don't listen to the negative comments I also think they are made out of petty jealousy, and booo to your mum for even relaying such drivvle and causing conflict, she could have told her to pull her head in and that could have been the end of it without upsetting you.
I'm a conflicted soul I love staying at home with my babies, I love doing the housewife thing and most of the time I think I do a pretty good job of it. But I love working, I love that adult stimultion, conversation, using my brain for more then 123 abc, circle square triangle and yellow, blue and green and so on. I have a Nursing degree but I don't use it anymore because 2 shift working parents just doesn't work in our house. Day care cost would be astronomical for us so I really can't afford to work. That's why I went back to Uni this year to get a Grad Dip of Ed (early childhood), so that maybe not next year but the year after I could go back to work doing something I love, (working with children) When I go on prac in a few weeks for a month It will cost us $760 per week minus the 16%. for the three littlies, Huge. Way more than our house payment. But I love having options so I made the choice to study. I could work supply on day care days, it would only cover the cost of child care but I would be getting experience in the classroom. Every family is different and has different needs. You need to do what you need to do in the best interests of your family.
DH has always supported me for the choices I make about whether to work or not to work, I am lucky because I don't have to do it, but I can choose to if I wish. I think he secretly wants me to be at home with the kids but no pressure either way.
The girls love that I can get to their sports days, or special parades or classroom activities and I do to, I feel sorry for those who can't. As Bath said it is sad that some workplaces don't provide leave for those special days, people could put in a leave form for the day if they really wanted to but then that cuts into their leave for holidays so either way they are missing out somewhere. DH work has Family leave days which equates to a few days a year on top of holiday leave and he could use it for those days. I'll just put the kids in the same school I get a job at so I can still attend their sports days.

[Jennifer13]

OMG, I can't believe some of the comments some of you have copped!

As if we all wouldn't like to win lotto and choose what to do with our lives! Still doesn't mean we'd stay at home all the time, but I think some women must live in a bubble!!

For the record, my Mum was a SAHM and for as long as I can remember I always looked at her and thought "I'm not going to do that, I'm going to make sure I have something outside of home to do". Now I am a Mum there are some days I'd looooove to be a SAHM and other days where I think about what we are going to be able to do and the example I'm trying to set for my DD throughout her childhood, not just now, by juggling work and motherhood.

Tracy, your sister sounds like she can't be bothered getting a job that will make life a bit harder. Stuck in a bit of a comfortable rut...