After having 3 children my DH's attitude has totally changed regarding his standards at home and me working. Before having our first he expected everything to kept spick and span at all times, although he did his share... and he also pressured me to get another fulltime job when I had to find a new job when i was 6 months pregnant.
These days he says "in an ideal world you will never need to work outside the home. There's more than enough work that needs doing at home, especially until the kids can help out more". He also says he is "grateful" if there is a meal when he gets home because he knows how hectic it is here of an evenings".
These changes took 12 years. I hope your DH adopts a new attitude a little bit sooner than that though! Just make sure you allow him to care for your child without any help from you (ie go out for a whole day now and again) so that he fully appreciates how difficult it is being a childminder and housecleaner at the same time. this is the only way it will sink in.
ETA: I totally agree with that last line about sitting on the couch with your boob out! LOL making milk and feeding is EXAUSTING!
You need to get that husband of yours into shape before the baby comes. Maybe I'm spoilt, but my husband lets me sleep in (until 8:00) almost every day (I do get up to feed my 3rd baby when needed). He feeds the kids b'fast most mornings, and pack's my son's lunch. When I get up, I firstly make him a nice coffee (I need one right away) and I have my b'fast while he has his (made by him). Then he is off to work. I try to keep the house tidy, but he fully supports me having a fortnightly cleaner, and when he comes home from work he helps me tidy with the kids. Then we put the 3 kids to bed together and I then make dinner. After dinner he does the dishes - he even does them when he cooks (which admittedly isn't very often at all). He does all the gardening and DIY stuff, and anything I ask him to do (as long as I don't nag). Did I mention that I was a SAHM? I thought that this would mean that I did everything cleaning-wise, but taking care of 3 kids is pretty exhausting work. Anyhow, I agree with the other posters that your hubby needs to pull his head in BIG TIME - maybe he should read what other husbands are doing out there for their wives. I just couldn't handle the type of criticism that you are dealing with. I really feel for you - you sound too nice!! So, grow some balls and tell your husband that he can either cut you some slack or F@#$@$ off!!! Perhaps that is too strong of words to use (he is still your husband after all), but he seriously needs to get some perspective on this!!
If you can possibly afford it, get yourself a cleaner, even fortnightly. Good cleaners are worth every cent I think!
Awwww Ryn If I was living where your are, I'd be happy to come give you a helping hand. I really feel for you.
Has DH always been like this? Do you think he is worse now because (as you mention) he is so unhappy living in that house he chose? Maybe he has lost interest in it, because he isnt happy there and thats his way of showing it? Hmmm Not sure hun, but men have a funny way about things sometimes.
I wish I could click my fingers and fix it all for you, but I cant so for now I will just have to give you a big
I am sorry Ryn, but I think your DH needs to join the 21st century! I agree with the other girls. He should also be pampering you while you are pregnant not criticising!! He also better get used to dust and piles of laundry because a baby will take up all your time! My DH and I have also had the talk about me returning to work if we ever have a baby. I think he wants me to but our situation is different. DH is actually the one who does all the cooking and cleaning in our house. This sort of happened because being a teacher it was always easier for me to get a job wherever we lived and also because DH is just one of those get up and go type of people that is always busy doing something and sees mess and cleans it! So we have sort of agreed that if I want to stay at home then I need to take over more of the jobs at home. So recently I have started cooking some nights of the week and I now have my allocated jobs like the laundry, cleaning up the kitchen at night and cleaning the bathroom. However I know that when we have a baby we will share the load as much as possible and will try to prioritise jobs. No way am I going to be dusting when I have only had two hours sleep!
Reply With Quote
I think he wants me to but our situation is different. DH is actually the one who does all the cooking and cleaning in our house. This sort of happened because being a teacher it was always easier for me to get a job wherever we lived and also because DH is just one of those get up and go type of people that is always busy doing something and sees mess and cleans it! So we have sort of agreed that if I want to stay at home then I need to take over more of the jobs at home. So recently I have started cooking some nights of the week and I now have my allocated jobs like the laundry, cleaning up the kitchen at night and cleaning the bathroom. However I know that when we have a baby we will share the load as much as possible and will try to prioritise jobs. No way am I going to be dusting when I have only had two hours sleep!
Bookmarks