What to do....?

[Tracey]

I currently work from 8am -4:30pm Mon-Fri... I have had some major issues with a guy from work whom blames everything that goes wrong in his Dept on me, since coming back to work after having Indah I havent enjoyed my job as much as it has taken me away from my family, I was never a career person & only work for the money...
I am on a pretty good Salary, although Dh's pay is fairly poor, he really enjoys his job & so I dont hassle him to find something closer to home or higher paying as I think being happy is also important!

As I am preg with baby #3 (so will have 2 under 2), Dh & I have discussed me changing my role at work (the factory runs 24hours). I am not happy in my role being away from Indah already, although the actual role is Ok.. I have recently had numerous calls from the site outside my work hours to come in & assist them in things noone else on site can do, as i live close I genewrally come in to do it immediately, but lately I have been told by MR A$$hole to be in at 11pm, or had it know he wnats me to in at 5am, he is not my boss & so I have ignored him...

Dh & I discussed me going into the factory from 8pm til midnight Mon-Fri, it would mean my pay would cut by approx $1000 per month, but in the factory they constantly have overtime, which I would do every fortnight & possibly earn more than the $1000 per month...
We also pay over $400 per month childcare for Indah a month & so that we would now be saving.....

I spoke to HR about my decision today & I was told they would discuss it with the factory manager... He called me into his office to discuss things, I broke down to tears telling him how I felt due to MR ARROGANT guy pressuring me, I felt intimidated, abused & like he was trying to force me to do things outside my role & which could get me into big trouble...
He was really nice & gave me tissues etc (I blamed it on the preg as I am close with his wife whom is also preg!)
He basically explained that he felt I shouldnt give up my professional role, I explained that my kids will always come first & that I have decided I want to be home with my kids during the day to watch them grow & be there with them, it is my priority esp with 2... I explained I felt like my role was extending past my hours & sucking into my family time & I was not wnating to allow that to happen with 2 littlies at home.

He said he understood entirely, but that the co. would be sad to lose a professional & what could they do to keep me....?
I said I really dont know because I want to be home with my kids...
He then said what about if I offered you your own role but to work from 5om til midnight? As my DH is home by 4:30, I said it was something I could think about, I guess it would be doable, but I am worried that ppl will call me outside of these hours & I would still have the added responsibility that i really wanted to move away from...

He said as a co & a manager he would like to see me keep my role & he is glad I have raised the issue early enough for them to create a position for me so they dont lose me...

Now I feel a tad confused, as I had wanted to just take the 8-12 to have dinner etc with my family & now I feel like they really dont want to lose me & I could do this role, I could have dinner ready for DH & the kids & I could bath the kids during the day & have that their routine, rather than bath at night... So they could have dinner & DH can put them to bed...?

Now that I know they want me to do my role still, I am going to request a decent pay increase.... Then make a decision....

But I will be adamant that my hours are 5-12 & nothing else..

Any thoughts....???? Coz I probably need some.... BVasically I earn about $20k more than DH so I need to be working..... But what to do, what to do... as generally you cant get permanent work in the factory it's all contract & well that is just too risky... I need permanent...?

I think he is taking this to the BIg boss whom I am close to & then he will call me in to discuss it... pls help me make a decision....


OOOh I should add my role is something you go to Uni to become & I a$$ed it & have a yr 9 pass so I have no actual qualifications & so am afraid of leaving here & looking elsewhere as i really dont have anything to fall back on as such....!???


Thanks sorry I had to get it all out!

[Mother Goose]

Tracey - what an awful position to be placed in.

For me, this seems like a case of bullying and harrassment from Mr Arrogant. Is it common knowledge at work that you are pregnant? The fact that you have alerted someone to the issue is a good thing. And the fact that you have told them you feel intimidated by the behavior is excellent. It means they can (and have to) do something about.
In respect to the issue of changing roles - let me ask you something. If Mr Arrogant weren't giving you the trouble he is, would you continue in your current role? If you would stay in the role if Mr A wasn't an issue, it is important to tell your boss/HR that because it means they really have to do something about it. There are many ways they can handle it.
You wrote that you blamed your PG for the tears. Don't blame your PG for being upset by a creep. Yes being PG makes us more emotional and hormonal BUT your feelings are your feelings regardless and you do not need to apologise to anyone for the way yuo feel. Your feelings also need to be validated and acknowledged by the relevant people - which includes helping to resolve the issue.
If you feel being PG is contributing to the way you feel then maybe you can request a role change for a short period of time - until you come back from maternity leave. But discuss your options with work and let them know how you're feeling. The have already expressed they don't want to lose you which is a very good thing!

HTH

MG

[Debbie Lee]

Wow Trace... they really want to keep you, hey?
Can you maybe suggest (apart from the pay increase) that if you do accept the 5-12 role that you have plenty of back-up from your superiors so that you can't be harrassed to come in at other times? Maybe they could word up Mr. Arrogant (who should have some kind of consequence for the way he's being treating you) that it's not ok to call and harrass you and ask you to come in at other hours. You can't anyway... you'll have the kids at home so it's not like you can just drop everything and go in.

Sounds like it'd be a great idea financially for you if you could do the new hours.... but ikwym when you say family is more important than your role... and so is your emotional well-being.

What does your gut tell you? What does your DH think?

[Kirsty77]

I think you should take it, with a pay increase and if it doesn't work then you can always go back to your original plan. Mr A$$hole needs to get sorted out though otherwise this prob is going to keep coming up. 5-12 sounds wonderful to me, allday home with your kids and a pay increase..........wanna swap jobs!?hehehe

Follow your heart Trace.........what do you really want to do. If you feel uncomfortable taking this offer than maybe its not for you.

[Jane73]

Hi Tracey
This is my 5c worth...
I think I would still be pushing for the 8-12 shift .. as If you start at 5 you would be out the door when DH gets home and so you wouldnt get to see him during the day at all and remember being at home with 2 under 2 is going to be a job in itself with all the things you have to do etc (a fun job though) but you may just be burning the candle a little bit 5-12 is a pretty long shift after potentially being up during the night and up early in the morning... if DH is home for a few hours before you have to go to work then you get some time together and you can have 5 mins to yourself before you go to work ??
I am just trying to think of the reality of doing that day in day out...
But i guess if its not a possiblity then that is a better option for you .. or i guess maybe they would let you do the longer shift 3 days a week or somethin...
I dont envy the position you are in.
Good luck xxxx

[Tracey]

MG thanks, I have made it quite clear that I wont tolerate his behavious & pressuring, bullying me & have let the relevant ppl know & after my meeting today (actually about 10 mins prior to leaving) he called to say My boss had said I was uncomfortable with his tone with me so he spoke to me & over the phone it allowed me to closemy eyes & picture someone else & say what i thought & he accepted it apologised & said he is passionate about his job, I explained that by bullying & yelling at me I was less likely to assist him, I explained that trying to pressure me into making a decision outside of my authority was not gonna happen ever... He accepted that & asked if we can work together to get the assistance from other roles to help both our areas! I agreed (half heartedly) I didnt tell him I took it to HR & Management... so will see what next wk brings, but I am glad he did apologise.

But to be honest regardless of him or not a few wks ago I decided I wanted to do afternoon/evening work, so I can be home with my 2 little bundles of joy, able to take maddy to school & pick her up etc... So with him here or not I'd still have requested varying hours!!

Deb I made it quite clear in my meeting this afternoon that if I did accept my same role but from 5-12 I would not EVER come in outside those hours, as I am making these changes for my family & he wholeheartedly agreed & siad he'd personally make sure my contact details were no longer on the sites after hours contact list, I explained that the extra responsibility I am currently dealing with doesnt appeal & I do not want to be contacted even if the factory urgently need something!!! He was fine with that! I am going to ask for an extra $10k-$15k a year, mind you we get a bonus & payrise in Feb so I will want that on top of my already payrise!!!

DH has said he is fine with getting kids off to bed, I told him we need to make this decision together & he said he just wants me to be less stressed & happy! I told him I'd be returning to work whilst Maddy was still on school hol's so it wouldnt be so bad I can ease myself into it... But I guess I will know when they come to me with the next proposal...??


Kirsty... Hee hee NOt sure I wnat to swap jobs, I dont wnat to work at all!!!

Jane,
I did end my spiel with I would prefer no respomsibilitry & just 8-12 is probably my best opition... He knows it's what I want, But there are so many more perks by being in the office role with bonuses, payrises & free tickets & stuff to various things, I just wnat to be home with the kids & so I guess when they make an offer I can decide from there...? OOOh It's exciting to think I can request something for a change!!!

Thank-you all for your help, keep it coming!!!

[kungfubecca]

Tracey I think you have done exactly the right thing. They clearly value you. If it were me personally I would take the 5-12 shift. But I won't have 3 kids. I used to work late shift work, and I got into the habit of sleeping until midday. Now I work 9-5 and I love it and have weekends off, and get to see my husband. I have struggled also with work hours and yucky bosses in the past, but when I found out mine was happy to keep me after maternity leave I felt like Hugging him, (he's not a hugger)

All I can say is good luck, and get on the internet, go to the work cover page and download the PDF on bullying in the workplace. It's an interesting read.

I do think it is unfair if your employer were to keep taking advantage of your generosty and kept calling you in, by the sound of it , the crazy hours you have worked for them the least they could do is give you a raise and pay you back fo all that work

If you are contracted for a certain amount of work, then you should never be expected to do more.

Would they consider letting you work 5.30 till 12.30 instead to give you that little bit more time? or even 6-1 I know it sounds nastier but at least you won't get to work stressed.

[Tracey]

They did ask if I would do 8-12 in the same role, but then kinda back traced to it wouldnt be long enough to do what would need to be done & I said 5pm would be the absolute eraliest... I think I will suggest a day off a week maybe??

The bully guy starts at 6am & finishes around 4om, so I'd not have to dealw ith him at all ever again...
Although I got the feeling he was put back in his place after the phone call & he knows I have taken it to my boss atleast!
I will certainly push for what I want & may even suggest that I have discussed it with Dh & we think 6-12 is all we can manage...? So we can do dinner at 5:30 together (takes me 5 mins to drive to work...)

I certainly feel in a p[ossie to push for what I want & wont be accepting anything I cant change once I have given it a few wks... I wont do days as I want to be home, so I have to be a tad flexible but wont let them pressure me...

Thanks for reading my losng winded post too!!!

[AngelPunks]

Tracey
I think going to them with the offer of 6-12 would be good, it will give you time to be home with DH, it also gives you a bit of lag time if there is traffic or something comes up that makes DH late home, even by 5 mins could throw your 5pm start off!

Yah for being able to hold the power in these negotiations.

Good luck with it all & enjoy your time at home with your two gorgeous girls and enjoy your pregnancy!

[kitten2b]

Tracey
I think going to them with the offer of 6-12 would be good, it will give you time to be home with DH, it also gives you a bit of lag time if there is traffic or something comes up that makes DH late home, even by 5 mins could throw your 5pm start off!

Yah for being able to hold the power in these negotiations.

Good luck with it all & enjoy your time at home with your two gorgeous girls and enjoy your pregnancy!

I think a 6-12 shift sounds good, as long as you are not too tired from allready doing a 1am to 5pm shift with the kids.

[Roryrory]

Tracey I sooooo don't know what it is like trying to do what you are doing while pg and having two littlies, but if there is any way possible I think you should hold on like hell to your job, any way you can. If you have such a supportive manager you are very lucky. IMO a woman should do her darndest to have a job which can support herself and her kids because you never know what is around the corner and need to be self sufficient (long story but my dad died when I was nine and ma was widowed at 36 and drummed this into me from an early age!!) If you and DH can make this work and you are tough on only working those hours, then go for it. It will be hard I am sure but in five or ten years time I am sure it will be worth it, both financially and for your career.

All that said I too can understand not wanting to work at all - its so much nicer dealing with a bub's deadline than a clients/bossess/colleagues!!

[Amity]

Darling, I'd wait and see what they come back with, but I personally would probably go with the early evening shift, to stay in the office role. If they're happy to negotiate start and end time, all the better. And you could even ask for four days a week or something, or maybe Sunday to Thursday evenings, rather than Monday to Friday (if you get allowances for the Sunday evenings... might work out to more $$ for you, as well as the Friday and Saturday nights to spend with your DH and family).

Best wishes.

[Debbie Lee]

Totally get you there, Aurora. That's why I did teaching.... it's something I can always go back to.
My Dad left my Mum when I was little and paid diddly squat maintenance so we lived on nothin'. Mum stayed home "for the kids" but was still home when "the kids" were grown and well out of high school. Now the gov't is forcing her to work and she can't find a job... so who is left looking after her? Her "kids" urrgh! She's not even 50 yet!

[Michelle71]

Tracey - does your work allow an option of doing part of it from home?? Maybe it is possible to do some at home and still do the 6 or 8-12?? That way you could still do the work, get paid and spend the time with the family. You could also do part through the day if the 2 littlies decided to nap at the same time (you can only dream )

[Tracey]

Unfortunately I check stock delivered from all over the world & so cant really do that from home & if there is an issue with it once in the factory I am called to have a look at it!??? So cant do it from home...
I will see what is offered first... Before making a decision... There's this whole work/life balance thing drilled into work from higher up lately so we will see what is offered...

I know I may be popped but Mum & Dad live in a unit behind our home & Mum said she can still have the littlies on her days off to allow me a longer sleep... Or an arvo nap..? Dh also gets RDO's... OOOh I guess i cant decide til I know whta they offer!!!

I will keep you posted!

[Alex&Jack]

Tracey, yeah wait and see what they offer you..

After reading your posts about how you feel and what would suit you and your family, I personally think that the 6-12 shift would be the best, as you could still have dinner together as a family (which I think is important too) and also spend some time with Dh too, before you have to go to work. And you said there was oppurtunities to do overtime on some Sat's, so that would be good to have that there too.
And you could catch up on sleep some days cause you have a fab mum just behind you!!

HTH luv and just thought I'd let u know what I think..

I will pop back in soon to see what they have offered you!!

[Katey84]

I'm probably too late on this one now
How did it go? Any decision yet?
I was going to add that 6-12 sounds like it would work, if you had already had dinner at home, you could have a shorter meal break and be finished what you need to do quicker..? Not sure how long your break time is, but I know that sometimes I would much prefer a half hour break instead of an hour, if it means getting home half hour earlier! And if you're eating chocolate all night, surely you won't need a *meal* break haha.. (still have a rest of course )
Good luck mate..

[Tracey]

Thanks the Manager is stalling so I am gonna bust his chops about it as I am a planner!!! They want me stay on in a professional role & I am really not wnating too... See what they offer me!! I am pushing for the 8-12, but it will depend on Money & the responsibilities!!!

Thanks!