Working Mummies Support Group #2

**sahbear** · January 7th, 2015, 07:01 AM

Hi all!
I'm on the countdown back to work next week.
I was lucky enough to be offered 2 roles, so got to pick the one I really wanted

After not working for nearly 15months I'm excited!

The boys are in day care and loving it, so I'm feeling good.

Ladylove, it's a bit of both for us. To live the lifestyle we want, I need to - where we live, the holidays we take, what we want to provide for a kids, but I also like to be working.

What field are you in?

**Ladylove** · January 7th, 2015, 07:39 AM

Hi Sahbear

I'm in the arts and I am also a writer.

**Ladylove** · January 7th, 2015, 07:47 AM

Wysiwyg I have seen that two with other mothers returning to work- not as much flexibility as they expected even as long time employees returning after baby. DH has been out of work for almost 6 months after 13 yeas with his former company - we are just living off the redundancy at the moment which is a bit scary.

**~TT40~** · January 7th, 2015, 06:59 PM

Us it is purely necessity. We cany afford to live soley on dh wage alone. My part time base wage is same as dh full time wage. Smart thing would be have dh be sahd, but he doesnt want to do that, he needs to get out and go to work.
Im on paid leave until Quatrk is 6 months. Im then on unpaid for another 6 months, but will unfortunately have to return sooner....if i had my way id be a sahm forever

**wysiwyg** · January 7th, 2015, 08:55 PM

My part time base wage is same as dh full time wage. Smart thing would be have dh be sahd, but he doesnt want to do that, he needs to get out and go to work.

Similar here about with DH - last year despite periods of no contract and being part-time I earned more than DH. Before we had kids I earned 3 times what he did - before having children we both thought that he would become the main caregiver and I would work - but that wasn't a workable reality - we tried for a while but I couldn't do the full-time long term and he couldn't do the part-time from a personal and career standpoint (and really wouldn't have wanted to be a SAHD, one because he hasn't got the temperament and two because he hadn't developed any sort of career at that point and to be a SAHD and then try and enter the workforce at 40+ was never going to work). Short-term the best option for us financially would have been for me to stay in full time employment and for him to either find part-time or stay at home - but long-term that would have been problematic financially.

For my children I hope when they are older the situation would be a little different because currently I would be advising them to think about how well the career field they want to go into fits with a family, and also the financial earning capacity of whoever they choose as their partner if they do want children and how they would work it. When I was younger I thought people who were making career and study choices based on what would work well for family life were bonkers - now I wonder if they were the sensible ones? - however I think it is bad for society in general if certain careers are dominated by certain types/gender but to stop that you need to make more jobs more compatible with family life - and move away from the one person has the career, the other person supports them by running the family (and may do some paid work also) type model.

**peanutter** · January 15th, 2015, 07:53 PM

Huzzah!!

That's awesome BD

**Teeki** · January 7th, 2015, 07:29 PM

Best of luck BD and Mumma T! I hope you both get the job you're after.

As for the reason I work - I need to. I used to have a high-paying, high-stress job, but we also had debt and bills. I didn't handle it at all well, I was very near mental breakdown towards the end. So, we sold our investment house, I quit and got a pro-rata payout and sold my shares. That reduced our debt significantly. Then I took a part time job - I now only work 11 hours a week over 2 days. I'm a completely different person now, the whole family is better off even though we're not better off financially.

What I do now, is admin for a small family company. The idea is that I will eventually be able to do every single function the owner does, but with only two days a week I'm taking a while to get there. I'm considering doing a Business Admin diploma through TAFE, then when the kids are older and I can do more, I'll have the training to back it up.

**Ladylove** · January 7th, 2015, 10:05 PM

Totally. I was very lucky in my old job, my boss was 100% supportive and flexible although that said I didn't get paid maternity leave by my employer. But among my female working or used to be working mama friends most get the raw end of the stick. Returning from maternity leave and having to return to full time work or not return at all. Or no flexibility with regards to when they can return to work. Or returning from maternity leave but returning to a fundamentally different role, and again, with a take it or quit caveat. And these are the ones with paid leave. Essentially, all these examples mean that the women are in danger of losing control of their own careers, or at the very least, losing traction.

**krysalyss** · January 8th, 2015, 08:51 AM

Hey guys. I am the full time worker and DH works two paid days and does writing on the side which we are hoping pays off in the future. We can't afford me to now work as I have a higher wage and DH has sacrificed a fair bit for my career which means he has fallen a little behind in his own. TBH I would love to work part time. I really feel the pressure of being the main breadwinner, and also my job is temporary and finishes in 6 months so I also have to be looking forward to what lies ahead trying to create opportunities, as well as all the mummy stuff which I want to do more of. I just had 2 weeks off with DS over Xmas and it was so awesome. Back to work now though

Sometimes I just want to hide under the blankets!

**Ladylove** · January 8th, 2015, 11:01 AM

I definitely couldn't / wouldn't work fulltime now that I have two bambinos.

**OceanPrincess** · January 8th, 2015, 06:42 PM

Hey ladies, sorry for the absence.

Wysiwyg once again you speak words of wisdom. Somehow I've fallen into a position that is extremely supportive of families and parents returning from leave - certainly wasn't something I planned but I'm glad it has worked out that way.

However the heart had different ideas about a partner that would support me being at home with kids. My partner before DH was an up and coming with PwC/IBM - it wouldn't surprise me if he was the equivalent of partner by now - and he'd be earning in the range of maybe 250k by now. But he was an asshat.

My DH is lovely. He's a sparky and has the potential to earn lots but we are struggling to get the business of the ground so back to work I go.

So, to the question on working by choice or necessity? 100% necessity. Which I am struggling with.

DH and I have made a decision that I am getting out of the corporate this year. We work better when I'm at home. Like Teeki. I need to get out.

**peanutter** · January 17th, 2015, 02:51 PM

I hope you have confidence as to the long and short term benefits, and how it will fit with your family ... and if it seems like a good fit, I hope you get it!!

**Beautiful Disaster** · January 8th, 2015, 06:44 PM

I work for both necessity and choice. Like mamma t it helps my sanity and our family is better off for it. Unfortunately in my field (insurance broking) there isn't if any pt jobs cause you have to be there for your clients

sometimes it doesn't seem worth it when I'm going to be paying 1/2 my wage in daycare fees

I'm still waiting to hear and this is the part about job seeking that is the absolute pits.

How did you go mama T

**Mumma T** · January 8th, 2015, 07:45 PM

BD i got turned down for a job today and wont find out if i made the short list for yesterday's til end of next week. I really loathe job hunting. I will start considering long term temp positions soon. Any idea when you expect to hear anything?

**wysiwyg** · January 8th, 2015, 08:13 PM

BD i got turned down for a job today and wont find out if i made the short list for yesterday's til end of next week. I really loathe job hunting. I will start considering long term temp positions soon. Any idea when you expect to hear anything?

Sorry to hear you got turned down. I agree about the loathing job hunting - I need to start soon (next week) but is so depressing I really don't want to. Everything is so short term - I just can't turn my life upside down and sort out necessary care arrangements to go full-time for a 3 month contract (and one where they will only decide to renew or not in last week). I can't understand the logic behind it - companies spend a fortune with recruitment agencies to try and get right candidate but then are not confident enough in that to give a decent length contract (on a 9 month project makes very little sense to give 3 month contracts for example) so then the contractor will spend the last four weeks job hunting and then they might decide in last week is time to offer renewal by which point the contractor has found a better offer and so they have to go through the recruitment process again.

In my last role on my last day they asked me to stay they were offering slightly more money but only for January (I had already cancelled childcare for DD (you have to give them 4 weeks notice) I mean really what planet are they on that they think I can just drop all my plans and make rearrangements for care for just an assurance of 4 extra weeks of work.

**peanutter** · January 19th, 2015, 06:03 PM

Huzzah, wysiwyg! That's tops!

Good luck, Mumma T - sorry you're under all this stress and pressure ... could your DH get a second job, if you aren't able to get one in time? I don't say that lightly - I only raise it because when we were figuring out whether we needed DH to go back to work, we figured out that it was more realistic for me to earn more, than for DH to get a part time role.

**Beautiful Disaster** · January 8th, 2015, 07:52 PM

Well they wanted someone to start asap so I hope not too long

One of my references called me today to say that the guy who i interviewed with weeks ago called for a reference today. Not sure i want that job mow

**Ladylove** · January 8th, 2015, 09:16 PM

I was in my last role interstate for 8 years so job hunting is a bit alien to me now. I have applied for one job since I returned here, a really exciting (to me) position but I didn't even get an interview. That hurt because I have a decent amount of experience but they had an extraordinary volume of applications apparently. But still, I'm genuinely surprised I didn't even make it to interview.