Yeah I know hon. Its really just a matter of waiting til next time, my cervix had shortened too when I was admitted and we still do not know why I had contraction or why the membranes were buldging.
Its just something they have to watch very closely for next time.
Dh and I aren't trying at the moment only because I had a caesar and have been advised to wait 6-9 months. We are going to start trying in the New year seems like a good time - New Year = New Outcome (hopefully)
Besides, everything is still pretty raw, we're still trying to organise plaques and Niki has only been gone for 2 months we need to make sure our relationship gets back on track so that we can provide a loving and warm environment for our next child.
Part of me so wants a baby in my arms but its not the right thing to try to fill the void. There will always be that void and I need to become 100% comfortable with that before I even consider another child.
But that just me.
Take care of yourself and leave the self blame and the Why's behind you ... they do try to sneak back in but we have the power over our minds not the other way around.
To help me, when I have a "bad day" and i hate myself for having a dumb body for giving birth too early, I get out into the garden or do renovations just something to put me in a different headspace and something to get me going physically and after 30 min or so I find I am not thinking of anything except for the task at hand.
You will find your own outlet and your own way of controlling the brain tricks.
Much Love to you I do feel your pain and I can say that looking for the joy in each day really truely does help.
For me ... today I discovered the first flower in Nikita's garden had bloomed there is life and happiness even surrounding death and saddness.
Anytime you need a chat even just to let off some angst pm me I am more than happy to listen - from one mum to another x x x
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