I am starting to question whether or not I will ever reach a point where I am at peace with my decision.

you are probably right.... to have a child with special needs (huge),to see what your other children have to miss out on because of this (huge), to add that extra stress to your marriage (huge), to have to live through an induction and a birth of a child that will 'look' perfect but know you made the decision to end the pregnancy (huge)...

All i know is either option will be hard on you and your family. There will be people that will not understand your decision no matter what you choose....

I know that there will be bad days, but i also know that you DO have the strength to get through this.... However much support you need, we are here for you!