Ok can I just say thank you so much to the brave folk who have shared thier stories here.. Without you I may not have known what the hell my problem was!!

I have been diagnosed with pre-natal depression. I honestly didn't even know it existed until I visited this site and saw that what I was going thru, I wasn't the only one! I have always been a little judgemental about depressing because I was diagnosed years ago and 'sorted' it myself by simply seeking things that made me happy. I see now that clinical depression is a different thing altogether! And that in this case it's not just your hormones!!

My partner and I suffered a miscarriage late 2007 and it was devastating. I have a son, now 11 and both my partner and I wanted so very much to have another child (it would have been his first). But it wasn't meant to be. So from December to July 2008 every month was a matter of hoping and praying my period didn't come! Finally we got the 2 lines on the test in late July and I was ecstatic!

Even though we had wanted it so much, when I told my partner his response was 'don't get your hopes up yet'. I know he was only trying to be supportive in his way but that set me in a whirl of emotions! Also the 'sperm donor' from my first child had left town as soon as we found out I was pregnant so the first few weeks of this pregnancy were one of the most stressful times I have ever been thru! Wondering if there was a living baby growing this time, if I was going to be able to carry this one to term, did I DESERVE the child, my partner and my wonderful son? The guilt started to set in.

The smallest things could set me off! I found days when I hadn't slept well the night before to be the absolute worst! I would start crying for no reason, I'd yell at my partner and son, all the while blaming myself for being such a ***** and telling them they'd be better off without me! I had thoughts of suicide but with such a wonderful son already, these could never be serious for me! I tried to leave my partner a few times but he wouldn't hear of it! He's a wonderful man who suffers from depression and anxiety himself so he was quite committed to making things work.

One evening I went to my parents house and they weren't home when I got there. I promptly burst into tears! I knew it was ridiculous and that I was a strong woman but it was like I was somewhere outside of myself, watching myself being irrational, but not being able to step in and take control of it!

Another facet that I have dealt with it the obsessive compulsive side of things. Besides letting myself get run down this is not easily seen as a negative thing! lol I spent a month cleaning my house from top to bottom!. Every spare minute was spent on my knees scrubbing etc.. Considering I am not usually such a tidy person this side effect was a god send! I always felt guilty that my son didn't have a tidy home to live in so am determined to make sure this new child has all the things my son missed out on. But when I had finished cleaning everything I decided I then needed to paint and renovate.. It went on from there, extended from the kitchen to the loungeroom etc etc.. Problem is now I can't relax.. I'm having pains in some places that can only be attributed to overworking myself. My partner now has to tell me to sit down and not take no for an answer. He also has to limit himself sometimes because with my state of mind, if he is working and I am not, the guilt becomes overwhelming!

Anyway going into the third tri-mester things are looking up. My midwife has referred me to a psychologist and I have the best support network possible in my family and friends! I don't know where I would be without them. Unfortunately only those right up close seem to trigger depressive behaviours (my partner and son) but fortunately that leaves lots of other folks to talk me down if I can't do it myself.

The biggest thing I would suggest to anyone who thinks they or thier partner has pre-natal depression is GET THEM ON SOME VITAMINS! I am taking a prenancy multi and I find that, on the days I forget to take it I am soooo much more inclined to have an episode! My mum can tell if I haven't been taking it just by looking at me and how tired I look!

Pregnancy is a wonderful time and I am so looking forward to meeting our new little one! Oh and that's another thing. Thank God most of the research done into pre-natal says that there is no link to post-natal so don't despair. Get on top of things during the pregnancy and you set yourself up better for happiness after.. Don't try to control your episodes to begin with but rather understand them for what they are. There are so many other common symptoms but I don't wanna go on and on more than I have. Ask me if you wanna chat!

Talk to yourself about the episode and recognise that it IS part of depressing, NOT a reflection on who you are as a mother or partner! It's scary but if you talk to anyone who will listen about things then it becomes a problem shared and therefore halved!! YOU ARE NORMAL I PROMISE!! lol

L