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Thread: Baby Lost - Heart Broken (Factor V Leiden responsible)

  1. #217

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

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    Hi Michelle,

    Thanks for the lovely message, it means alot, it has been a really rough week but it was something that i had to face eventually i guess.

    Rowan had the day off and we started doing a few things that we can make a family tradition and involve our future children in her day when they come along. So that is nice that we are developing ways in which to remember her in our family life forever. I feel like the things that we did are very constructive and will help soothe things over time when we have the familiarity of doing them every year on her two special days. We are planning to do the same thing on her birthday every year aswell.



    Everyone had said to me that they have found closure in passing their due date but i am not sure how i am feeling about it at the moment. I do feel that it is a transition period because i should no longer be pregnant with her she should be in my arms now which is a very hard thing to face.

    The one thing that i am grateful for is that we have her ashes with us. I can hold her and talk to her anytime i want which i have found a huge comfort. It makes me feel that she is still around us in some way other than in our hearts.

    Also i have mentioned in several posts before about the significance of rainbows to me in the time after her death. Well it was an unusually sunshiny winters day on her due date and i did see a rainbow late in the afternoon, so i did take some comfort in that.

    I really feel at this point that she understands exactly how Rowan and i feel about her and i feel that she knows everything that we want her to know. So i guess that i am heading to a more peaceful place with her memory although that is hard.

    I read a quote the other day and it really hit home to me " Dont cry because its over, smile because it happened". I think that this sums up the place where i want to eventually be. I want to be able to remember the happy times that we had and the chance that we got to be her parents is nothing that i would ever take away. I would go through all this pain again just to have her in our lives for those 18 weeks. She is such a special little baby to us and will always remain that way.

    I have really struggled with this time and of course it is making me overanxious about the new baby as we reached the 12 week mark yesterday. Also another thing that hadnt occured to me is that we will be heading to the 18 week mark around the time of her 6 month anniversary of her death so i really think that the next couple of months are going to be very hard to face both because of Katelyn and because of the fear that i have surrounding the 18 week mark. I know that i am doing everything that i can, and the doctors are doing everything they can and i just need to believe that i am going to hold this new baby living and breathing in my arms.

    Wow i only meant to write a short message and all this other stuff came out. Once again i send you a big hug and thanks for your message. I have been keeping up with your news in the TTC forum (i still come in and ready regularly even if i am not posting) and i really wish you lots of baby dust for that BFP real soon.

    Love Sarah

  2. #218

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    Sarah,

    How are you doing after last week?

  3. #219

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Hi Bec,

    Just sent you an email.

    Love Sarah

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