thread: Can I ask for some advise please?

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Jan 2007
    where cosmopolitans and margaritas flow all night

    Can I ask for some advise please?

    I hope it's ok to post this, I just don't know what to do.

    My best friend's sister found out the other day that she was pregnant. Her and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for a while. Then 2 days after she found out this wonderful news, she then found out that she lost bubs (about 4 weeks pregnant).

    Now I'm sort of close to her as well coz she lives with my best friend so I see a lot of her. I feel like I should avoid being around her coz I'm sure that seeing me with my growing belly probably upsets her.

    I know she's happy for me coz she knows how long we tried to get pregnant, but I just don't know how I should act around her at the moment while she is grieving the early loss of such a wanted child.

    Advise would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Nov 2004
    Hunter Valley

    You could always ask your best friend what she thinks? This is a hard one, because people handle things differently. I personally was very touchy about pregnant friends and young babies after my m/c for about 6wks (which made it hard around Christmas time).

    I'm sorry I can't give you any worthy advice.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Feb 2007
    Sydney, NSW


    Sorry to hear about your friends miscarriage. I think it is better to say something than nothing at all. I think it is best to be upfront by saying something like "if you cant face me being here (by being pregnant) i can leave but i just want to let you know that i am here for you and thinking about you". If she cant face you then she will tell you. If you arent there then she may not be happy that you havent responded in person to her loss.

    When i had my miscarriage i was not resentful at all towards pregnant women - i needed my friends (it is very devastating). However when i lost my baby full term that was a different story - could not face nor like ANY pregnant women. Everyone will react differently but i think it is best that you be there for her and let her make the moves on how she feels.

    Good luck.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Jan 2007
    where cosmopolitans and margaritas flow all night

    Thanks for your help. I will talk to my friend and her sister and just ask them what is right for them

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Jul 2007
    Fort St. James, British Columbia

    It is hard to tell. With me it wasn't all pregnant women or even ones that had the same dates it was weird. Sometimes one and sometimes another. I think asking her is the only way. I needed to talk about it with lots of people but I have a friend who didn't want to talk about it. It is very understanding of you to recognize her feelings and I'm sure she will appreiciate your concern.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Oct 2007

    It's gonna be weird no matter how you decide to work it out. All the above suggestions are great. Just being open and honest can go a long way. And she might have wild mood shifts. She might says she's fine with you and really mean it, but then 15 minutes later need to abruptly leave the room. Don't take it personally.

    I had a miscarriage two weeks ago and my friend had her baby two days before I miscarried. Yes, it was weird and awkward when I went to see the baby and she asked if I'd heard the fetal heart beat at my last prenatal visit (which was the same day she delivered). But we got through the conversation okay.

    Personally, I don't like it when people tiptoe around me.

  7. #7
    Registered User

    May 2007
    Out of my mind.... back in 10 mins.

    This is a hard one....
    I would talk to your friend and see if she talks to her sister about it to see how she feels about everything.
    Or even ring b4 you visit and give her prior notice that your going over then she can leave (hide in bed room) if she don't want to see you or your friend might say she might come over to see you instead.
    Also you could send her a sympathy card letting her know your there for her.


  8. #8
    Registered User

    Oct 2007
    Newcastle, NSW

    Hi there

    Yes, this is a hard one as everyone reacts differently to their loss. Of course this will be a very difficult time for her and she may find it hard to be around you for a little while. However, I have just had a m/c myself and have had a lot of people avoid me and tiptoe around me which I have found difficult to deal with as what I really need is their support. Although, none of my friends are pregnant so I guess this is a little different and I cant say for sure how I would react to pregnant friends at the moment.

    I would suggest that she also join BB, if she is not already a member.

    Good luck with it.


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