Last night I was aroused from my sleep by a crying baby. This crying bay was IRL, Bonnie, but in my dream it was Banjo. I remember hearing her once and thinking it was Banjo and I didn't know what to do so I did nothing The second time, I couldn't stand it any more so I got up wondering what to do because he was dead and I didn't know what to expect or what he would be crying for. I switched on the bathroom light (something I never do) because I wasn't sure where to find him and it was about then that I realised that it was Bonnie... poor little sausage
tanya - your pain at the moment is still very real, and unconsciously you're still searching for answers. this is probably coming through in your dreams. you know there is supposed to be a baby, and when you hear sounds your head knows he's not there, but your heart sends you searching.
i'm so very sorry that this pain is so all encompassing - a loss at any point is horrific, but i think the later it gets, the more your subconscious struggles to deal with it. rather than just nasty dreams of what has happened, you have manifestations of what SHOULD have been happening. it not at all fair.
i wish i could suggest some way to help you but i'm clueless. i just wanted to send you big hugs and let you know that i'm thinking of you
Tanya.... I think dreams are def way that our minds help us subconciously deal with things...
Towards the end of my pregnancy with Zahra i had a dream that i was holding a little baby wrapped in a pink blanket- a very good friend of mine appeared and led me down a hill to a cluster of trees where there was a shelter and there was a baby in a capsule already in the shelter with an empty capsule next to it... my friend told me i had to put the baby i was holding in the capsule i did so and then she said we had to leave them there.. i hestitated and looked back and she reassured me they were safe and would be there when we got back. i left and looked back at the babies and they were gurgling and fine. And then i lost her. I still think about that dream and think what if i had of refused to leave her- but it was a dream, i didnt have control of the dream, it was showing me and preparing my mind on some level for what was going to happen.
Banjo is still very much on your mind constantly and in your heart (and depending what you beleive, He is still very much around you in spirit ) so it is no suprise that Bonnies cries sounded like his to you in your dream, and your confusion is understandable as your concious mind and your subconsious mind and heart struggled with what is real and what you wish was possible.
Tanya - the dreams are so hard So real and so painful. And at times so very beautiful. You are processing everything as you sleep. It is all fresh and raw. For me the dreams still happen when there is an important anniversary or when I need it.
Now, heading on to 4 years later I have been able to see the dreams as my link to my baby girl. It is her way of showing me she is still there. Forever. Just like the clouds on her angel days and on the births of each of my subsequent babies. I guess that is my way of coping
Like Michelle, the dreams still happen to me too. I agree with the others that it is a way for us to process the grief. Now I look forward to the dreams because they're happy dreams of my son.
I have my moments too where I am out with my family, and I feel like we're missing a child, so my heart starts racing and I count them... I count 3 and realise they're all there, but still feel like one is missing and then I realise it is probably my brain searching for Noah.
After we lost him, I went to check on the kids whilst half asleep and did the same thing... I counted 2 kids but knew in my mind I had 3... I was frantically searching around for my 3rd baby when I woke my DH... I was in tears when I woke properly and realised what had happened.
You i know im gonna say something with my 3rd eye in tow dont you
See this is were I would be thinking that even though he isnt with you in person..that his soul is still surrounding you, with love and as the circumstances and your feeling about the whole situation..and wanting him so he perhaps hasnt found the strength to pass yet and is giving you the signs that he is 'home'.
In time...when your grief perhaps isnt as raw as it is now..he will be able to move forward with you...he wont be far..he knows he was very much loved and that he has left his foot steps on your heart.
You'll always sense him around you babe.....He was just checking out the sights before hand babe
Those dreams are amazing aren't they? But also sad...
Like Michelle I have come to see that they are given to us to feel close. I believe that when we sleep our Souls can meet - it's another place. I also believe that Banjo's little Soul is staying close to you to help you move on. The viels between the worlds are thin - especially right after death... He is calling you - his Mama and he is telling you he is close to you...
I remember after I planted my son's rose bush in my garden - i was alone - just as I wnted to be when I did it... I heard Mummy as loudly and as clearly as though he was standing next to me. It was a little boy's voice. I just smled so brightly as I knew he was with me...
This is such a sad and heavy time - I believe Banjo's essence is reaching out to you.
Thank you all, I honestly wasn't expecting all these personal replies....
You have all made me cry!!
Last night I dreamt a delivery woman came to my house with some parcels. Two DVD's and something in a cardboard box shaped like a coffin... I wasn't upset, quite the opposite... so I think that is a good thing
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Dreaming of a lost baby
The second time, I couldn't stand it any more so I got up wondering what to do because he was dead and I didn't know what to expect or what he would be crying for. I switched on the bathroom light (something I never do) because I wasn't sure where to find him and it was about then that I realised that it was Bonnie... poor little sausage
Tanya.... I think dreams are def way that our minds help us subconciously deal with things...
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