tanya - your pain at the moment is still very real, and unconsciously you're still searching for answers. this is probably coming through in your dreams. you know there is supposed to be a baby, and when you hear sounds your head knows he's not there, but your heart sends you searching.
i'm so very sorry that this pain is so all encompassing - a loss at any point is horrific, but i think the later it gets, the more your subconscious struggles to deal with it. rather than just nasty dreams of what has happened, you have manifestations of what SHOULD have been happening. it not at all fair.
i wish i could suggest some way to help you but i'm clueless. i just wanted to send you big hugs and let you know that i'm thinking of you
Tanya.... I think dreams are def way that our minds help us subconciously deal with things...
Towards the end of my pregnancy with Zahra i had a dream that i was holding a little baby wrapped in a pink blanket- a very good friend of mine appeared and led me down a hill to a cluster of trees where there was a shelter and there was a baby in a capsule already in the shelter with an empty capsule next to it... my friend told me i had to put the baby i was holding in the capsule i did so and then she said we had to leave them there.. i hestitated and looked back and she reassured me they were safe and would be there when we got back. i left and looked back at the babies and they were gurgling and fine. And then i lost her. I still think about that dream and think what if i had of refused to leave her- but it was a dream, i didnt have control of the dream, it was showing me and preparing my mind on some level for what was going to happen.
Banjo is still very much on your mind constantly and in your heart (and depending what you beleive, He is still very much around you in spirit ) so it is no suprise that Bonnies cries sounded like his to you in your dream, and your confusion is understandable as your concious mind and your subconsious mind and heart struggled with what is real and what you wish was possible.
Tanya - the dreams are so hard So real and so painful. And at times so very beautiful. You are processing everything as you sleep. It is all fresh and raw. For me the dreams still happen when there is an important anniversary or when I need it.
Now, heading on to 4 years later I have been able to see the dreams as my link to my baby girl. It is her way of showing me she is still there. Forever. Just like the clouds on her angel days and on the births of each of my subsequent babies. I guess that is my way of coping
Like Michelle, the dreams still happen to me too. I agree with the others that it is a way for us to process the grief. Now I look forward to the dreams because they're happy dreams of my son.
I have my moments too where I am out with my family, and I feel like we're missing a child, so my heart starts racing and I count them... I count 3 and realise they're all there, but still feel like one is missing and then I realise it is probably my brain searching for Noah.
After we lost him, I went to check on the kids whilst half asleep and did the same thing... I counted 2 kids but knew in my mind I had 3... I was frantically searching around for my 3rd baby when I woke my DH... I was in tears when I woke properly and realised what had happened.
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Tanya.... I think dreams are def way that our minds help us subconciously deal with things...
So real and so painful. And at times so very beautiful. You are processing everything as you sleep. It is all fresh and raw. For me the dreams still happen when there is an important anniversary or when I need it. 
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