Ectopic Pregnancy - Help me please

[Jellyblush]

Hello everyone,

I'm posting here hoping that someone might be kind enough to help me through this shock and confusion that I am feeling.

I am 31, and my partner and I have been ttc for a year. We discovered I was pregnant three weeks ago and have been floating on air since.

On Monday I went for a scan as I'd had some spotting. I wasn't concerned as I knew my levels were going up.

Less than 24 hours later I was lying on my sofa with my baby gone, my right tube gone, my left tube damaged, my hope gone, in incredible pain and so dazed that this has all happened so fast.

I am wondering if someone might be around who can help me with some questions I have...

What could have caused this? None of the usual risk factors apply to us, no clamydia, no endo, no operations on that area. Is there some other cause I don't know about?

Is this pain normal? It's 48 hours after my surgery now and my belly is grotesquely distended and I'm in such pain. I can't take painkillers due to the codeine causing severe constipation, but I need to find another way to ease the pain.

When might I expect the pain to ease?

When will this feeling of shock ease? Will it ever?

How can I support my partner? He's been so wonderful taking care of me but he has lost his much wanted baby too and I don't know how to help him - he's from another country with few friends and no family here.

Are there strategies that might help in dealing with pregnant friends, especially those with unwanted pregnancies, or difficult pregnancies? I want to support them but can't stand to listen to them...

I feel like we might never have a child now. It took 12 months to concieve our first one. We are in our thirties. Is it realistic to still hope?

I'm sorry this is a bit of an essay. I don't know where else I can ask these questions. I feel so sad and don't know what to do.

Jelly

[Mildez]

Jellyblush I am so sorry to read what you have being through.
I too had an ectopic pregnancy in Septemeber. I have had m/c before and the loss I feel is so much different to a m/c as not only do you loose your much wanted pregnancy but some of your fertility and at the time it feels like all of it. Even if thats not true.
I too fell pregnant with my ectopic on my 12th month ttc, lost my right tube at 8weeks and found out my other tube is damaged. I tried to send you a personal message but can't seem to do it. It has being 4weeks now and the pain (physical and emotional) has improved but I am still so shattered.
There are a number of reasons what could have caused the ectopic pregnancy and tube damage and seomtimes that cause is unknown. I too fall into the catergory of damaged tubes without prior history of STDs, no operations etc except they did find damage inside from Endo and adhesions when I was asymptomatic.

My phyisical pain from the op took about 2weeks until I was feeling like I could do normal stuff like vacuume etc. I am still in pain but that is probably more from complications from the surgery as I got a bowel infection and the adhesions are causing me pain. I have not returned to work yet a month later. I quit my job (have a new one to start next week) as I work as a midwife and couldn't stand to see people having babies when some of them couldn't really care less about what they were doing, some going into DOCS care etc. Of course there are many beautiful families who are so deserving and that too is hard as I think me and my husband fall into that catergory and you have to ask why us. Why have we had such rotton luck and what did we do wrong.

The shock for me has left. I actually expected I had an ectopic 2weeks before it was discovered and no one believed me. It wasn't until I went to ED (for the third time) and said I was here because I knew I had an ectopic pregnancy and why I thought I did. Because of my results I had with me (declining HCG then rising) they did an ultrasound (already had one a week earlier which was missed) and discovered the pregnancy was ectopic. Then I had the surgery. I am still so angry my case was mismanage which caused the delay in diagnosis and my tube needing to be removed. They said they could have treated it with methotrexate if only it was discovered a few days earlier.

There is definately hope you will have a child. I know how it feels to fell IVF is your only hope and as we know IVF is no guarantee for a baby.

For me I am having dye studies at the end of the year to see if my tube is opened at all and if there is a chance I can get pregnant that way. If not we will look into IVF next year. For me the hardest part is not being able to ttc again until 3 proper periods which for me is over 4months as I have long cycles. I know with all the complications I have had I should be happy to let my body rest but all I want to do it get pregnant again.

Could keep writing for ever but I need to go as I have an appointment. Hoping to keep in touch as alot of what you are feeling I have felt or still am.

[Sammiejane]

So sorry to hear of your loss.
I dont have any additional information for you, just wanted to give you a

[Just Me]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jellyblush. I just wanted to offer you a and some support.

[Jellyblush]

Emmy I'm so sorry to hear of all you've been through. I'm so grateful to you for sharing your experiences with me, for what it's worth it has made me feel less alone.

I can't imagine what you must have gone through at work - I'm sure you and your husband are incredibly deserving. All the best for future ttc. While I am so incredibly impatient for this nightmare to be a part of my past so I can ttc again, as I"m sure you are, I know that once that little one comes I won't care how long it took to create them, and I hope that it true for you as well, eventually.

Thanks Sammyjane and Townsvillegirl for taking the time to read and your kind words as well.

Jelly x

[Mildez]

Jellybrush I too feel that when I have my baby that the time I have spent trying and all the heartache that has followed will be nothing but a fuzzy distant memory. Seems so hard now but I do believe that it will happen for both of us just the time thing I don't know.
I got my AF today. It was a major woohoo as its one step closer to my dye studies to know if the remaining tube is open and trying to concieve again. So two more to go and hopefully I am back in action lol

[chepie]

Hi Jelly,

firstly I am deeply sorry for your and your dh loss.... I too have had a ruptured ectopic in Aug 2006 and I lost my right tube and nearly my life.... I too understand the pain you are experiencing after ttc for a period of time ...... please please give yourself and DH time to greive, getting annoyed, yell and cry it is all part of your healing process... The physical pain is also unbearable - I developed an infection in my scar and it spilt open slighty - which I found hard to cope with onto of everything else!!! Boy did I hate the world and people who would say oh it wasn't meant to be.... why do people say such things???? sorry off the track there......

For DH - maybe you could both create a specail box for your angel? Something you share together or plant a rose or something.....I planted a special flower for our angel and made box (took me a long time to do)....

For risk factors - I took was told it was something that happens to women about 4% ???

BUT BUT - We went on and ttc and had an amazing little man - Aiden who is 2 and we are expecting our 2nd anyday and we are in our 30's......... and yes both pregnancy have been scary - but well worth the fear ......

Hun we are here for you anythime and sending you big big hugs xxxx