Jellyblush I am so sorry to read what you have being through.
I too had an ectopic pregnancy in Septemeber. I have had m/c before and the loss I feel is so much different to a m/c as not only do you loose your much wanted pregnancy but some of your fertility and at the time it feels like all of it. Even if thats not true.
I too fell pregnant with my ectopic on my 12th month ttc, lost my right tube at 8weeks and found out my other tube is damaged. I tried to send you a personal message but can't seem to do it. It has being 4weeks now and the pain (physical and emotional) has improved but I am still so shattered.
There are a number of reasons what could have caused the ectopic pregnancy and tube damage and seomtimes that cause is unknown. I too fall into the catergory of damaged tubes without prior history of STDs, no operations etc except they did find damage inside from Endo and adhesions when I was asymptomatic.

My phyisical pain from the op took about 2weeks until I was feeling like I could do normal stuff like vacuume etc. I am still in pain but that is probably more from complications from the surgery as I got a bowel infection and the adhesions are causing me pain. I have not returned to work yet a month later. I quit my job (have a new one to start next week) as I work as a midwife and couldn't stand to see people having babies when some of them couldn't really care less about what they were doing, some going into DOCS care etc. Of course there are many beautiful families who are so deserving and that too is hard as I think me and my husband fall into that catergory and you have to ask why us. Why have we had such rotton luck and what did we do wrong.

The shock for me has left. I actually expected I had an ectopic 2weeks before it was discovered and no one believed me. It wasn't until I went to ED (for the third time) and said I was here because I knew I had an ectopic pregnancy and why I thought I did. Because of my results I had with me (declining HCG then rising) they did an ultrasound (already had one a week earlier which was missed) and discovered the pregnancy was ectopic. Then I had the surgery. I am still so angry my case was mismanage which caused the delay in diagnosis and my tube needing to be removed. They said they could have treated it with methotrexate if only it was discovered a few days earlier.

There is definately hope you will have a child. I know how it feels to fell IVF is your only hope and as we know IVF is no guarantee for a baby.

For me I am having dye studies at the end of the year to see if my tube is opened at all and if there is a chance I can get pregnant that way. If not we will look into IVF next year. For me the hardest part is not being able to ttc again until 3 proper periods which for me is over 4months as I have long cycles. I know with all the complications I have had I should be happy to let my body rest but all I want to do it get pregnant again.

Could keep writing for ever but I need to go as I have an appointment. Hoping to keep in touch as alot of what you are feeling I have felt or still am.