Couldnt read and not *hug* I can feel your pain in your words.. you describe the rippling effect so perfectly.. and the ripples do spread far and wide and they stir up where you least expect them

I remember after I lost Darren (at around 18 weeks) and the horrible feeling from that day until his due date where all I felt was that I "should" have been pregnant and I "should" have been this or that. It is so hard OP, its so hard to go on with life when those plans just dont fit anymore. Its so hard to find a new path and make new decisions that dont fit in with you being pregnant anymore

Then something funny happened.. not hahaha funny, but weird funny.. something GOOD happened that wouldnt have happened if I hadnt lost Darren. I am not going to tell you its all for the best or any crap like that- coz right now you hurt and it sucks... but one day there MAY be a plan or a ripple that makes you stop and go WOAH.. that wouldnt happen if I was still pregnant and its ok. And it will still hurt, but it will make you see its ok to move forward.

So maybe its a good time to grab the reins and make some decisions. Yes you might have a great job, but are you happy there?????? Can you afford to take the time off anyway and help DH with his business???? Maybe you can ask for compassionate leave and take a few months now, not in January. That would eliminate the childcare problem. Or do just resign.

I hope that didnt come out too harsh... Sending you love, light and strength xoxoxox