oh chickybabe, im so sorry that u have to go through this also, its not fair, all babies should be sticky babies.
My hubby said to me the other night that he doesnt want to pick up the pieces, but he didnt, it was you girls on bb that helped me get through this, he wont talk about it, so i dont know what pieces he was picking up.
I just want to get on with ttc and put this behind me.
anila - im so sorry for you ive been there myself and something my DF said to me really stuck when he wasnt sure about TTC he told me that once the baby was concieved it was out of his hands and he felt helpless and didnt like the fact he had no control over the situation anymore, that his part was done. This helped me to understand where he was coming from perhaps your husband feels this way too.
Thankyou hun, your words are so kind.
I do understand that he hates to see me sad, but it makes me even sadder that i cant just get on with ttc iykwim?
I do agree with your husband, and i do think thats how my husband feels.
awww i totally understand i was asking my DF to TTC with me while waiting for my D and C in the pre op room, it was all i thought about and occupied my mind with and it did take another 9 months but im glad he decided not to wait as for me it was part of the healing process, your mind is so set in the mode of becoming a mum and its stolen all you want is for that feeling to come back and the expectations to return. I hope all works out and you get your forever baby sooner rather than later.
L hun, This was his 1st MC, he didn't go through the pain of losing the bub physically so the emotional stuff may take a little longer for him to heal from. I can understand you being ready, but I do think that he needs to process his grief a little bit more before he is on the same page as you. You did have another MC before this one, and I know there was a lot of healing from back then that happened this time for you.
I think by 'picking up the pieces' he means for himself. He also fell in love with that baby and was looking forward to meeting him or her. He is still grieving and needs to collect the pieces of his heart and put it back together before he is ready.
He worked throughout the MC hun. At the time that was his way of processing it. There are 4 stages of grief, and then he was in the denial stage. I think he is in the hurt stage now, and is likely to have been though or will go through an angry stage. I can't remember what the other stage is but I know there are 4.
Maybe take this month off and let him know that you are there for him while he grieves this loss, and when he is ready he will let you know. Emotionally he isn't ready yet and pushing him to TTC when he is not ready may make it hard for him to grieve this baby properly, and make it harder for him to connect with the next pregnancy. When you do fall pg it is likely to hold him at the stage of grief he is at when he finds out, and I really want him to be able to connect with your next baby throughout the pregnancy instead of being distant.
I hope this helps hun, I dont want either of you to be hurt
See this is why i love my bb gals.
Ali, i totally understand what you are saying, my hubby does hide his emotions, and i definatly dont want to push him into it, but it would be nice just to know where we stand.
Im just going to leave it in his court and see what happens i suppose.
I have a little magnet photo frame that grace gave me, it says mum on it, so i put a little photo of the pregnany test in it, just my little way of having some connection.
still doesnt help that i feel lost, i know i will be found soon
i just put this in the ttc after mc thread that im in
Good morning ladies
well i have some development happening my way, im still not clear on excatly what it means, and i dont want to ask for fear of ruining the moment we had, but last night hubby and i made love for the first time since the mc, and didnt use any protection, now he had a few wines, and i did have a half wine and half oj, but he was definatly not drunk, so he knew what he was doing.
So i dont know if it was a once off, or if it will continue and lead back into ttc.
But for now, i think it was a step in the right direction
It was so nice, we just held each other after and said i love you, it was really nice.
So for now im still in limbo, and i think it will be a if it happens it happens kinda thing with hubby, rather than yes we are ttc, iykwim.
Registered User
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks